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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my dd to go to London on the train?

218 replies

Haxdret · 21/10/2019 18:26

Its a 2 hour journey on the train then the tube to where they want to go. Would you let yours do this? She's 13. Travelling with one other then meeting two friends en route.

OP posts:
thesunwillout · 21/10/2019 18:41

It depends on your DD maturity but I will say (ex Londoner here) that I hated the place last time I went.
DD was 15 and with me, got slapped on the bum by a total idiot, hassled in a shop by a woman shop owner who wouldn't tell us the price of something.
It's not the same vibe anymore.

Roselilly36 · 21/10/2019 18:42

No way

Sexnotgender · 21/10/2019 18:43

Nope! Not in a million years.

If she was super familiar with London MAYBE. An overconfident 13 year old is unable to risk assess situations properly.

Oliversmumsarmy · 21/10/2019 18:43

Dd used to go to school in London and classmates used to travel in from more than 2 hours away.

The only thing I would be worried about is pick pockets when she is in a crowded place.

If she is sensible, she’s going with a small group and their phones are recharged and they are going to stick together then I can’t see a problem.

Original poster
Haxdret · 21/10/2019 18:43

She wouldn't be there in the dark. Getting the train back about 5.
I've said no but shes furious (isnt usually) this is a new school and new friends.

OP posts:
SinglePringle · 21/10/2019 18:44

Yes, I would and was doing similar at 13. Admittedly, I lived just 30 mins on the train from London then.

Which main line would she come in to?

Oliversmumsarmy · 21/10/2019 18:44

The only objection I would have is the destination sounds better than it is

SoupDragon · 21/10/2019 18:44

I have a 13 year old DD and I wouldn't let her go to Camden Market with friends.

I think my "age" would be 15. I don't recall going up to London with friends before that age.

Ellapaella · 21/10/2019 18:45

I honestly wouldn't have any faith in UK trains. They are an absolute nightmare and totally unreliable, so many daily cancellations and delays and often at weekends there are unexpected changes due to works on the line etc. Unless they are very confident in train travel and able to navigate their way round possible problems it would make me really nervous.
Trust your instinct is what I say but maybe if you are really unsure you could chat with the other parents?
I'd probably offer to go along and spend a day in London myself (maybe you could go off on your own or take a friend) and meet up with them at the end of the day for the journey home? If that goes well you could consider then letting them go alone in the future?

SoupDragon · 21/10/2019 18:45

London is far busier now than it was when I was that age.

Original poster
Haxdret · 21/10/2019 18:46

I can't go.

OP posts:
Lysianthus · 21/10/2019 18:47

OK, the bad news first. The M15 latest assessment of risk of an attack is "Severe" - which means an attack is likely. So when you think of London Bridge etc, how would your DD respond if caught up in the middle of that?
Good news - in relation to everyday activity we are all told to be alert and vigilant especially in London, so that's what we do. For quite a few months the risk level was Critical - far worse than Severe - but people just carried on regardless.
Therefore in your view, is your DD a vigilant type, good spacial awareness etc? Or is she head down on her phone, oblivious to her surroundings?
I let my DD loose in London at 15 with friends but she was/is very aware and practical. It all depends on how you view yours. She may be super confident but does that translate into bags of common sense, knowing when to duck into a shop/pub for safety? Only you can know.

00100001 · 21/10/2019 18:47

@Whattodoabout

Being out in one train and meeting a parent at the other end isn't really the same as getting on a train, then getting on the tube and meeting 2 other friends, then wandering around Camden Market, then getting yourself home again...

00100001 · 21/10/2019 18:48

"Being put on one train and meeting a parent"*

Original poster
Haxdret · 21/10/2019 18:48

Yes id be fine if she was going to meet a grown up at the other end.

OP posts:
7Worfs · 21/10/2019 18:50

Nope. Camden is not the place for overconfident 13 y/o girls. Guaranteed they’ll be offered pot and if they look and dress as adults, they will get unhealthy attention.

Original poster
Haxdret · 21/10/2019 18:51

Dh has put his foot down and said no. She's crying Sad

OP posts:
Ellapaella · 21/10/2019 18:51

I certainly wouldn't be saying yes at that age without having spoken to the other parents anyway. I would want to know that all the other parents were aware of the exact arrangements and that they were all really going where they say they are.

Notthebradybunch · 21/10/2019 18:52

No way, I wouldn't let my 13yo travel to London and it's only a half hour journey for her.

CarolDanvers · 21/10/2019 18:52

Nope. I live in London and my 13 year old wouldn't be allowed to go to Camden Market on her own. She wouldn't even think to ask to tbh. Even my 16 year old doesn't like being out and about too much these days. As a previous poster said, things don't feel quite right at the minute. It's sad to say but people here are definitely reining their kids in a bit, keeping more on top of where they are, expecting phone calls to keep location updated etc and I don't hear much arguing from the kids about it either.

NorthernBirdAtHeart · 21/10/2019 18:53

I live in London and my DD’s were born here. Our eldest is 16 and is only just allowed in the tube with her friends. I’m sorry, 13 is too young in my opinion. It’s not just the travelling, it’s the navigating crowds, knowing what to do if a particular tube line is down (and this happens very regularly). Would she know how to get back to the main line station if the route she’s done with you a couple of times isn’t working? What would she do if she got separated from her friends, or lost her travel card, dropped her phone? How quickly could you get there if there was an actual emergency? And not just that, They’re young girls, and there are, unfortunately too many predatory people around. I’ve always told my dd’s it’s not them I don’t trust, but other people. Could you take that line? Perhaps compromise and travel in with them?

I really sympathise OP, it’s not easy navigating teenage years.

Ellapaella · 21/10/2019 18:53

It's hard OP but welcome to the world of parenting teenagers! There will be many times when they want to do stuff and you just have to say no. She'll get over it.

bigchris · 21/10/2019 18:54

Are you sure a parent isn't going too?

HellonHeels · 21/10/2019 18:55

There are plenty of 13 year olds who travel across and around London every day.

In my 50 year old opinion Camden is shit but plenty of people love it. It's still a destination for young people. If it gets too grim for them they can get a bus to kings cross and hang out in coal drops yard which is way more civilised.

exexpat · 21/10/2019 18:55

I am pretty relaxed about letting my DCs be independent, but if you live that far from London, I wouldn't be letting a 13-year-old wander round Camden Market, even with friends, unless I was in the same city and could be available in an emergency. So much can go wrong with the transport, for a start. And gaggles of teenagers can be more irresponsible than individuals, so I wouldn't be reassured by having new friends with her.

We don't live in London, but visit a few times a year, and I first let DS go off by himself when he was 13 (he was mainly exploring the train network) and I was elsewhere in London. I think DD was 15, nearly 16, before she felt confident enough to go off without me. By 17 they were both navigating foreign cities solo when I wasn't in the same country.

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