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AIBU?

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Original poster

I'm going crazy in my thoughts -help!

62 replies

lonklen · 21/10/2019 12:04

Mainly posting here for traffic - sorry.

I'm a very anxious person so this could be a product of my anxiety or the inducing of my anxiety, I'm unaware. I also think reading stories on here has made my mind change and become more anxious but too late now! I've had an uneasy feeling about DP this last week and can't figure out what it is.

Now I'm going crazy over questioning something that happened today and would appreciate either some rational talking down or suggestions on what it could be.

So: we live in a small flat and so can hear what the other is doing. Getting ready this morning I heard DP go into the spare room. Our spare room is the nicest room as we actually decorated it (the rest of the house is new build modern and boring) and no one goes in it so is presentable. It has two drawers, one for DP and one for me for our clothes.
DP was already dressed and had no reason to go into the spare room. So I casually asked "how comes you're in there?" And he said that he liked the smell and just went in to admire Hmm
This felt odd and I also heard him open a draw. He says he might have shut a draw he left open (but I'm quite sure there wasn't an open draw!).

Now my mind is so confused. It sounds so petty and small but I can't help but think he was getting something that's secretive.
My mind has gone to condoms as a hiding place as there's no where else in the house, but DP is allergic to them and just never would buy them so I'm ruling it out.

I know where all his money gets spent as we have access to all accounts. He's always where he says he is and is never anywhere suspicious. We have each other on Find Friends. If he was cheating it would have to be with someone at work which is quite difficult in his workplace but not impossible.

Where does your mind go?
Please be gentle I'm an anxious mental health mess.

OP posts:
RolyHappyNorrieTagBetty · 21/10/2019 12:11

Honestly I think you're completely overreacting, and I say that as kindly as possible.
He should be able to walks round his own house without being questioned. If the sound of a drawer shutting gives you this level of extreme anxiety about him I think you need to look at the cause of it and try to work on it, especially if he's never given you any reason to doubt him.

nervousflier · 21/10/2019 12:11

Honestly, my mind would go nowhere as anyone who lives in our house is entitled to enter any room they like without being questioned over it.

In the nicest way, are you getting help for you anxiety OP?

Original poster
lonklen · 21/10/2019 12:20

I'm trying, and I'm not normally this anxious! I've just had this bad gut feeling and I'm wracking my mind to think of what it is.

I think it's because he never normally would enter the room, so why before he goes to work and then why not be able to say why? It just felt odd to me as he has been acting a bit off. He's also being overly nice which is making me feel so weird as it's out of character - it's in a really cringey way.

I can't tell if I'm creating the issue like a paranoid mess or if it's genuine.

OP posts:
NoSauce · 21/10/2019 12:26

Hmm. I think it’s pretty definite that he went in for something and not just to go in and have a sniff up. That would be pretty ridiculous and if DH has said that to me I’d have asked him “ do I look stupid? “.

I’m not saying it definitely was something untoward though. Could he be hiding something for an anniversary or birthday?

IndiGHOSTHEXagon · 21/10/2019 12:32

Have you looked in the drawer to see if he’s put anything in there or taken anything that was in there out?

Celebelly · 21/10/2019 12:45

I sometimes go in our spare room just to look at it as it's really nice and I like the way it feels Blush

thepeopleversuswork · 21/10/2019 12:50

Unless there's a back story which you're not telling us it does sound as if you're massively over-thinking, to be honest. Is your relationship otherwise good? Do you have reason not to trust him?

I think if all is otherwise good you need to get help for your anxiety to be honest. If you are otherwise happy this behaviour (on your part) is not very rational.

Eastie77 · 21/10/2019 13:08

I'm not sure posting here is a good idea. Before long someone will be along to tell you he is having an affair ("this is how it started with my ex, he opened and closed a draw for no reason and turned out he was hiding a gift for the OW..").

If his behaviour seems off then sit him down and ask him what is going on. I don't think anyone on MN can reassure you given a) your level of anxiety and b) the fact is none of us know your DP and have a clue why he was in the spare room.

Wilmalovescake · 21/10/2019 13:10

A man opens a drawer in his own home and your first thought is that he’s hiding condoms?

Original poster
lonklen · 21/10/2019 13:29

@NoSauce I agree, he's not the emotional type or someone to get into the decor enough to admire it when it's been in its current state for 5 months.
It's not the first time I've heard him go in there without reason either - it's just the first time my spidey senses pricked up!

I'm trying to rationally think what someone would hide in a draw and remove in the morning to go to work with... this is why I thought condoms (because people on MN before have had this happen or something). Something he would need to deny.

I know he isn't buying anything so definitely not a gift as I have access to all his accounts as I manage the finances.

Also it's not any special event coming up so nothing related to me would be hidden

OP posts:
Original poster
lonklen · 21/10/2019 13:30

And yes I looked in the draw after - it's the same as what I've seen before, cables, camera things and "bits" like a man draw

OP posts:
NoSauce · 21/10/2019 13:31

Cigarettes??!!

JorisBonson · 21/10/2019 13:32

Are you receiving help for your anxiety?

donthaveaname · 21/10/2019 13:33

drawer

Original poster
lonklen · 21/10/2019 13:33

@NoSauce he's never smoked and never would!
More likely to be drugs than cigarettes - but he's a teacher so let's hope not

OP posts:
FairlyOddmother · 21/10/2019 13:34

Have you seen your GP about your anxiety?

NoSauce · 21/10/2019 13:35

Ah ok.

Darceysbadtoe · 21/10/2019 13:38

Drugs folded away in layers of socks, pants possibly? Even if keeping them for someone else to return today to them?

Pilot12 · 21/10/2019 13:39

When he's gone out, go into the room and have a good nose around if you think there's something hidden in there. It's your room as much as his.

Personally I don't question my DP if he goes into the spare room!

jellycatspyjamas · 21/10/2019 13:48

My DH doesn’t need a reason to go into any room in the house - it’s our house he can go anywhere he likes and doesn’t owe me an explanation as to why.

I think you’re massively overthinking - anxiety or no, questioning your partner about what they’re doing in their own home isn’t reasonable.

NoSauce · 21/10/2019 13:50

Of course people don’t need a reason to go into a room but how many of you just wander in and open a drawer, close it and leave?

Original poster
lonklen · 21/10/2019 13:52

@NoSauce thanks for understanding my brain!

OP posts:
NoSauce · 21/10/2019 13:53
Grin
jellycatspyjamas · 21/10/2019 13:54

I might not open a drawer, close it and leave but I wouldn’t expect to be asked what I was doing in the room or in the drawer and I wouldn’t expect my DH to explain what he was doing either if he went into a drawer in any room in the house.

Angeldust747 · 21/10/2019 13:54

Has he maybe stashed an engagement ring?

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