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I'm going crazy in my thoughts -help!

62 replies

lonklen · 21/10/2019 12:04

Mainly posting here for traffic - sorry.

I'm a very anxious person so this could be a product of my anxiety or the inducing of my anxiety, I'm unaware. I also think reading stories on here has made my mind change and become more anxious but too late now! I've had an uneasy feeling about DP this last week and can't figure out what it is.

Now I'm going crazy over questioning something that happened today and would appreciate either some rational talking down or suggestions on what it could be.

So: we live in a small flat and so can hear what the other is doing. Getting ready this morning I heard DP go into the spare room. Our spare room is the nicest room as we actually decorated it (the rest of the house is new build modern and boring) and no one goes in it so is presentable. It has two drawers, one for DP and one for me for our clothes.
DP was already dressed and had no reason to go into the spare room. So I casually asked "how comes you're in there?" And he said that he liked the smell and just went in to admire Hmm
This felt odd and I also heard him open a draw. He says he might have shut a draw he left open (but I'm quite sure there wasn't an open draw!).

Now my mind is so confused. It sounds so petty and small but I can't help but think he was getting something that's secretive.
My mind has gone to condoms as a hiding place as there's no where else in the house, but DP is allergic to them and just never would buy them so I'm ruling it out.

I know where all his money gets spent as we have access to all accounts. He's always where he says he is and is never anywhere suspicious. We have each other on Find Friends. If he was cheating it would have to be with someone at work which is quite difficult in his workplace but not impossible.

Where does your mind go?
Please be gentle I'm an anxious mental health mess.

OP posts:
NoSauce · 21/10/2019 20:14

If it is a second phone he won’t put it back in there now.

Passmethecrisps · 21/10/2019 20:26

I am sorry you are so concerned about this OP.

It could be something or it could be nothing. How god a relationship do you have? Would he be understanding if you said that it had been niggling at you?

When we had an empty spare room I genuinely did used to just go and sit in it. It was nice and I liked it’s neatness. So I can genuinely believe that actually. When I was a kid and in the house alone I would always a walk in to every room and just see what was around. Like observing my territory I suppose.

The opening of the drawer could have been become he has something hidden in there or it could have been that he was a bit late and couldn’t be bothered getting into an explanation of something like “I have mislaid a pen drive and I wanted to double check it wasn’t here”.

Is everything else good with your relationship? Any changes which w on so make you extra sensitive to the opening of a drawer?

FizzyGreenWater · 21/10/2019 20:26

Well I'd be totally normal and lay low for a day or two and watch him like a hawk, and look for whatever it is. I agree with possibly a phone. Check the car!

Surely you can get payg mobiles cheap as chips, all he'd have to do is take out some cash?

lonklen · 21/10/2019 21:31

We've spoken about it and he says he is just "flabbergasted" at what I'm coming out with. I asked him to redo his footsteps so I could understand the thought process as I can remember every single thing I do in the morning (this shows my personality!!) and he said something that I knew had happened but couldn't be sure of the noise which was preparing leftovers which he doesn't normally do (not suspicious) and so that clarified my hearing was right. He then put the lunch bag by the front door which is next to spare room and thinks he just went to look (can kind of understand) and saw a draw open and shut it (also backed up by last nights actions and he ALWAYS leaves draws open but rarely goes back to close them)

I checked the drawer and it looks like how I'm used to it looking as I keep towels in there too and have put his clothes away before. He never bats an eyelid at me going in there.

I'm going to have to lay low.

I feel like I'm mentally deranged I hate the feeling.

My ex cheated with a girl from work and I was convinced and he gaslighted me and made me believe I was crazy. We didn't live together and I have no evidence. I got therapy thinking I was paranoid - turns out I was completely correct. I'm scared of history repeating itself so on one side I'm thinking I'm super anxious and paranoid and another side I'm thinking "no you're right don't let them fool you"

OP posts:
Wildorchidz · 21/10/2019 21:45

You cannot go on like this.

NoSauce · 21/10/2019 22:02

Given the history OP it’s not a surprise that you’ve jumped to this conclusion.

However if he walked passed the room and spotted the drawer open he could absentmindedly walked in to shut it. It’s not beyond the realms of possibilities.

There’s more chance of that than him just going in the room for nothing at all.

I don’t know the answer OP, I can tell you to let this go and put it to the back of your mind but I know that’s not going to be easy. It would be a start though.

This isn’t your ex, you have no proof of any wrong doing. Keep telling yourself that.

Take care of yourself.

Loaf90 · 21/10/2019 22:07

Be careful OP, if he is t already screwing someone else he will be soon if you keep this up

Bluntness100 · 21/10/2019 22:08

Op have this deleted. There are people on here who will feed your anxiety and cause you pain.

He's allowed to go into the room and look in his drawer or close it if he fancies, there is nothing wrong here. Maybe you need to seek some help, your reactions are concerning, including making him retrace his steps, and then thinking a man allergic to condoms would hide them in there.

Good luck 💐

TrainspottingWelsh · 21/10/2019 22:11

If dp asked me a similar question, he'd get a very sarcastic reply. And very short shrift if he wanted to discuss it at length or asked for my exact movements.

The fact your dp has the patience to reassure you to such an extent would suggest he isn't cheating or gaslighting. But in the nicest way, you need some outside help with the anxiety, long term neither he, nor you, can cope with that behaviour.

haplessharpie · 22/10/2019 17:31

Oh op. Imagine if roles were reversed and a man asked his female partner to retrace his steps...

Your dp isn't responsible for your past or your anxiety.

I would leave someone who was this controlling.

andrea11745 · 23/10/2019 04:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SucculentCandle · 23/10/2019 04:54

andrea11745 I've reported your post, now piss off.

OP, what he did is the kind of thing I would do . I wander around looking at stuff, opening cupboards or drawers for absolutely no reason.

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