Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To leave my 12 yr old dd on her own?

56 replies

babayjane67 · 21/10/2019 10:19

Hi
I work pt at my dds school as a lunch break supervisor&I've got chance of poss doing another job there as a breakfast club supervisor.
If I get the job it's an extra HR&a half so 7.30-9&it'll mean leaving the house to walk up at 7.10.
At the moment while she's still at the same school,she comes up with me&stays as I'm doing it as overtime this week as one girls already left hence her position has now come up.also I've helped out before when anyone's been out sick etc.
But next Sept she goes up to Secondary school which is much closer to our house but obviously means she won't be coming up to breakfast club with me&I will have to leave her alone in the house from 7.10 til she leaves for school at roughly 8.45.she will be 12 by then.
She's never been left on her own for any length of time before but when I googled it nspcc guidelines say it's fine to leave a child that age for HR or 2 deoending on their maturity&to maybe do some trial runs first of leaving her for 20mims then half HR etc.
Dp doesn't think it's a good idea to leave her but I said well it's another yr away so there's time for her to practice being left alone&fir us to lay ground rules down of not answering the door if anyone knocks.we don't have a landline only mobiles so nobody will ring that she can't speak to.she has a bog standard mobile that she can only ring,txt&take photos with so no internet to worry about.
So aibu to leave her for that HR&a half to do that job?

OP posts:

Finfintytint · 21/10/2019 10:22

Plenty of 12 year olds get themselves up and out of the house on their own. If she’s sensible I don’t see the problem.

Ponoka7 · 21/10/2019 10:26

I'd say that it's the usual age when parents take more hours at work and the expectations on a pre teen increase.

All she's going to be doing is getting ready for school. If it was nighttime I could see your DH's concern.

It sounds an ideal job. You're around when she needs you.

Singlenotsingle · 21/10/2019 10:28

Can you trust her to get up, get dressed and ready, and go to school? Won't she just stay in bed?

user1511042793 · 21/10/2019 10:31

I left my son. The first few months I did call to check he was up and leaving on time. By October half term it wasn’t needed. So yes take the hours.

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 21/10/2019 10:33

I think if she's happy with it, and you trust her to do it, she'll be fine x

Original poster

babayjane67 · 21/10/2019 10:33

Singlenotsingle alot if the time she does have trouble getting out of bed yes! 9timea out if 10 I have to wake her up at 7.30 when I'm not doing the overtime.sometimes&more so lately though she has been awake&up earlier sometimes before 7 as I'm up&getting myself sorted.
I said to dp that if I get the job we can buy her an alarm clock so she gets up just in case&I will leave the landing light on open her bedroom door&make sure she's at least semi awake before I leave.

OP posts:

Rainbowknickers · 21/10/2019 10:34

My lot used to walk to the bus stop and catch the bus to/from school (about 2 miles away) at about that age
The worst thing that happened was my son vomited on the bus
She’ll be fine-just make sure your in contact by phone

mrsglowglow · 21/10/2019 10:35

That sounds possible and shouldn't be a problem but it does depend on the child. If you get her into good habits between now and then in regards to her being independent in the mornings she may well be fine. My kids do this now but they are year 9 and 10. We get bags and stuff ready the night before. One thought though is starting secondary can be tough for the first term or so as such a big change and lots to remember/organise etc. Mine needed me a lot but that was partly due to me doing too much for them. Start by giving her some more responsibility in year 6 if you can.

Original poster

babayjane67 · 21/10/2019 10:38

Yea I trust her to do it& I think after the initial shock of having to do it herself she will do so&be fine.
She will get her own brekky if it's cereal at mo but hasn't really done toast yet but she prob could if I showed her again.
She's like an only child really as though I have 2 other kids they're adults now one married with a family of her own so I spose we've prob Molly coddled her a bit lol
She always says she doesn't wanna come to brekky club when I do it but it's hard luck really!

OP posts:

MyDcAreMarvel · 21/10/2019 10:41

She always says she doesn't wanna come to brekky club when I do it but it's hard luck really!
Why? She is 11 she doesn’t need to go to breakfast club with you.

Original poster

babayjane67 · 21/10/2019 10:41

Yes user15 I will call her so that I know she's up&about.can also remind her of anything she's forgotten!
Mtsglowglow yes I'm already starting to get her to do that&be more independent &responsible for her own stuff.

OP posts:

bluebluezoo · 21/10/2019 10:42

There is no wraparound care for secondary schools for a reason.

Secondary aged children are expected to be able to travel independently to and from school.

I don’t see the problem. My dd was just turned 11 in the aug and from year 7 was catching 2 buses to school and back, as were her friends.

If you are asking this now, what age would be Ok to leave them? 15?

SunshineAngel · 21/10/2019 10:42

I personally think it is okay, so long as you trust her to get up and ready for school, and get out of the house on time.. and obviously to lock up properly on the way out.

Original poster

babayjane67 · 21/10/2019 10:43

Mydcaremarvel because she hasn't been left on her own yet&I'm not convinced she will get herself up etc at the moment.

OP posts:

Lllot5 · 21/10/2019 10:43

I’m sure she’ll be fine. Might be worth texting ‘are you up yet?’

Original poster

babayjane67 · 21/10/2019 10:47

Yes I think she will too really as long as we've got a bit of a plan as I said above.
Yes I will txt or ring to make sure she's up& about.
She's a proper daddy's girl&he does let her get away with things more most if the time.

OP posts:

Singlenotsingle · 21/10/2019 10:50

Try it out on an experimental basis? Maybe for a week, and if it doesn't work, tell her she'll have to come to breakfast club as obviously she can't be trusted yet.

Nicolamarlow1 · 21/10/2019 10:50

She will get her own brekky if it's cereal at mo but hasn't really done toast yet but she prob could if I showed her again
I think you need to start giving her more responsibility. At age 12 she ought to be able to make toast.

AryaStarkWolf · 21/10/2019 10:51

I'd say it's fine

Original poster

babayjane67 · 21/10/2019 10:52

Yes singlenotsingle that's a good idea.
If I get the job I will be starting next term.

OP posts:

Original poster

babayjane67 · 21/10/2019 10:54

Thanks for the positive replies.
I thought she would be ok.she has to be really at the end of the day.
Dp is the one being unreasonable lol

OP posts:

OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 21/10/2019 10:59

It's pretty bog standard for secondary age kids to sort themselves out. Ds1 has mornings when he gets up and out to the school bus himself and gets home around 4 and is home alone until 6. Did it from age 11 when he started year 7 and stopped going to the childminder with his primary age siblings. He'll be joined by his sister in September. Hopefully. So long as they mature enough not to beat the crap out of each other.

marns · 21/10/2019 11:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tumbleweed101 · 21/10/2019 11:04

I’ve been doing this with my 10yr (yr6) since September when i started doing early shifts.

I wake her up before I leave and trust her to get breakfast and get ready by herself. She has an older sibling in the house but they leave slightly earlier than she does. I set an alarm to remind her to go out at the right time. School bus picks up outside our house so she doesn’t have to walk anywhere.

She has a choice to get up early and come with me to work or get up later and get herself ready. So far there haven’t been any problems and she can contact me if she needs to and I’m only a few mins away if she did miss the bus or if there were problems.

I see it as a good way of getting prepared for secondary school next September.

DialANumber · 21/10/2019 11:05

I reckon my 9 yr old would be fine in this situation so I can't see why most 12 Yr olds wouldn't be. My 9 yr old already gets her own breakfast including toast or crumpets etc and gets herself completely ready for school.

I would practise this this school year while you're both at the same school so you can see if she's arriving in school on time etc.

Flip

1 2 3