How do slim people think?

[Episcomama]

...because I really do think there is a difference between how slim and overweight people think. I am very overweight - BMI of 33. So obese rather than overweight, technically.

I've been off and on diets all my adult life, and the only thing I've really had success with is intermittent fasting and keto. When I stick to it, it works. The problem isn't my body, it's my mind. It's as though there's a switch that gets flicked from time to time. A voice in my head telling me to eat in case of famine. Food occupies much of my waking hours - once I've had a meal I'm thinking ahead to the next one.

A dear friend is very slim and once mentioned that she just doesn't really find satisfaction in food in the way I do (comfort, commiseration, celebration, whatever.) When I spent the weekend with her recently, it really became apparent how differently we see food. She was mildly horrified at both the quantity and frequency of my meals whereas I couldn't understand how she was satisfied with what she ate.

Eating disorders aside, do you think there's a difference between a "thin mind" and a "fat mind", to express it crudely. And if you have a thin mind and used to have a fat mind, can you share with me how you flicked that switch?

I'm slim. A size 10. People often remark that I eat loads of rubbish food but what they fail to notice is that I rarely finish my plate. For example we go to breakfast in uni and have a fry up but I never clear my plate. I think the portions are too big.
I'll eat crisps every now and then and chocolate daily but only one bar. I logged my calorie intake on my fitness pal and despite my diet appearing to be pretty bad my calorie intake was around 2000. My fit bit says I burn between 1800 to 2200 per day.

I know I have a very very slow metabolism (I could explain why I know this but it's a bit yukky!) and maybe that's the difference between my size 10 best friend and me

I think it can be summarised in general as slim people want slimness over food, and over weight people tend to want food over slimness. It's a choice for many, made daily.

But it's often not a conscious, deliberate choice. Many overweight people desperately want to be slim. But habits and ingrained attitudes to food are incredibly hard to break. And it's made harder by the fact that unlike many things you can be dependent on, food cannot be avoided altogether. You will always be surrounded by that source of comfort, so it requires willpower almost every waking hour.

Baffled by some of SGB's comments. I've never met a single person who stayed skinny by 'taking drugs' or 'obsessing about what other people eat '. Also not seeing any moral superiority on this thread - just people being pretty honest about their weight and attitude to food.

I was going to quote Kate Moss thing about nothing tasting as good as being thin feels, but see someone got there first.

I can't stand K Moss, but I think she sums up the mindset of a lot of slim people (myself included).

I think there is possibly a kind of different brain-wiring that governs eating. If I'm upset/stressed/anxious, I can't eat. I was under 6 stone during my divorce (I'm 5 foot 2, and normally about 7.5 stone).

I don't think of certain foods as 'treats' (I've never really come across 'treats' as a concept IRL - only on MN). I just have a bit of whatever I fancy and too much wine

I have three meals a day. I don't eat between meals, ever, and have small portions because I would feel daunted by a huge pile of anything (breakfast, for example, is one slice of toast and Marmite, or one Shredded Wheat).

I am 48 and the same weight and shape as I was when I was 18, 28, and 38.

If I thought I was getting overweight, I'd cut out the wine.

I walk about 5 miles a day.

I’m 44, size 6, 5ft. I’m normally more of a 6-8 but I had a baby 10 months ago and I’ve ended up smaller 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️
I would say the difference is that I just eat when I’m hungry whereas friends who struggle with their weight seem to eat because it’s a meal time - maybe because they need to plan what to eat so they don’t eat the wrong thing ?
However, even when they are eating “good” stuff all day they are still consuming more calories than I do
I’m also pretty active with a baby, dogs and horses

Given that you only had success on keto and intermittent fasting, I.e. insulin controlling diets, there is your answer. It is not your ‘fat mind’, but likely your genetic insulin sensitivity or lack of in your case. Hence the big appetite, love of comfort food (carbs and sugar!), need to eat constantly.

There is no mystery here. Boring Physiology. I used to be like that, but since I discovered the link between insulin and obesity and went on lower carb diet (incl strictly no sugar in any form!), I have felt a different person. I can’t overeat any more, I naturally go a long time between meals (5-6h) and I no longer feel hungry (like your friend). Some people have got good insulin sensitivity, hence they are slim and never overeat. It is largely genetic. Look at your relatives, similar issues? Don’t beat yourself up for having a ‘fat mind’, as it is not about the mind, but physiology. No mind can stand up to the powerful drive of hunger for too long. Since I started to be more aware of foods and their effect on my insulin, essentially low carbing, I have felt very different. I am eating in a way to keep tabs on my insulin production and it has changed my life without exaggeration.

I agree a little with a PP that said slim people would rather be slim than eat, it’s true to an extent.

I’m 38 and up until I was about 32 then I could eat when I liked and not put any weight on and I loved crisps and would easily eat a multipack in a day! Fast forward to now and eating like this goes to my stomach and back in January I had to stop eating like this because I looked pregnant, and being only 5ft 3” means that I can’t afford to even be a full size 10 as it all goes to the middle and I look chubby, I have to remain a size 8 to 10. I was really ugly at school and had puppy fat and I’m better looking now but it’s stuck with me that I was treated differently being ugly (from the male species) to being better looking, I get lots of compliments on my figure from men and women, many say I have a ‘young’ looking body and so I know that if I was to put the weight on then I would be miserable looking in the mirror, a woman needs to be attractive physically with something and with me it’s not my face (imo anyway) but it’s my body and I want to hang onto this!

I love food to be quite honest but I am scared to stop smoking in case I put the weight on because then I’ll be unhappy!

I go up and down, but DH is slim and always has been. He just doesn’t eat if he’s not hungry. And he stops when he is full. No emotional eating, no “oh I’ll just finish it”, no “I’ll just try a little bit of that, it looks so tasty”.

I'm a healthy weight but have been obese. The only way I maintain a healthy weight is intermittent fasting. If I don't think about restricting calories and just try and eat sensibly my weight goes up every single time. My appetite is such that eating an amount that maintains a stable weight leaves me hungry and with food constantly on my mind. I've tried low carb and it makes no difference. It just isn't easy for everyone. I've realised now that being hungry is a physical state and not a moral failing. It's something I just have to put up with to be a healthy weight. I've found a routine that works for me and am optimistic that my fat days are behind me.

Some odd comments on this thread. I was always slim (less so now with age) but have always enjoyed food. I do, sometimes, eat crap but don't enjoy crap food as much as good food. I love good food.

I don't have "food thoughts". I may miss meals if timings get in the way (too busy) and will eat when get a chance but don't get anxious about missing breakfast/lunch.

I wasn't brought up with a "diet" message from my mum and have never "been on a diet".

I don’t know if there’s a slim brain and a fat brain but I think there are very ingrained habits that are hard to break mentally and physically.

I lost 5 stone 18 months ago and I’m now slim and a size 8. I’ve had to totally retrain my brain not to snack, not to be tempted by sugary things or crisps, not to eat big portions etc. It’s not easy but imo the most important part of weight loss. Anyone can restrict themselves for a short period of time and see great results but if you want to keep the weight off then you need to change your mindset.

My sis has always been really slim and on the surface seems to eat a quite unhealthy diet but if you actually look closer she doesn’t eat large portions, she skips meals if she’s not really hungry, and eats vegetables for sides rather than things like chips. So it balances out but she just does those things automatically whereas I have had to train myself into better food behaviours. I do think it can be done but it’s exhausting and takes a huge and sustained effort.

My friend says that the difference between me and her is that I can leave crisps in the bottom of the packet (big bags, not little ones!). We’ll both be watching a film and snacking away on the same food, and she says that I will stop well before she does.

I’m not denying myself or on a diet or anything. I just think ‘I’ve had enough now’ and stop eating regardless of whether there’s food left.

I'm 46, 5 ft 6 and weigh 10 stone. I'm a size 10. I weighed 15 stone in my mid 20s. I had to work hard to lose weight then and even harder to keep it off now. I don't think of myself as slim though, I still see myself as a bigger person. I bargain with myself all the time. E.g. do I want a biscuit enough to NOT have wine later? Do I want crisps now or grated cheese on my pasta later? It's all about choices and that's what helps me stay in control.

im skinny, could put weight on, used to drink 5 pints of milk a day when i was 18 trying to become BIG! , no chance, i do smoke, but i normally only eat one decent meal a day, your body needs to readjust to less food, it like herine withdrawl, and i,m not joking, the desire for food is exactly the same as the desire for heroine , its the same part of the brain driving you towards both. However, over time , your body would readjust and stop sending out those panic hormones when you think you body needs food , but really it doesnt, it needs something else, but you interpret this as needing to eat. The brain is you, its hard to change it, but you can. This is how a 1 thin person thinks, but the body size does not affect the nural processes uniformly in people so i cant speak for the rest of them.

I am slim, perhaps too slim - as a previous poster said, I am one of those who simply can’t eat when stressed or upset, I don’t find any comfort out of food, and even if I was enjoying a meal I still won’t finish the whole plate. I dislike the feeling of being full after eating. I don’t eat at set times, often skip breakfast and usually only eat when I am genuinely hungry (stomach rumbling) .. My OH is totally opposite to me, however. He says he never has the feeling of hunger but will eat something regardless. He will also comfort eat etc.
I think my lifestyle is a bit poor despite eating a varied diet and wish I could gain a few pounds, but I can’t fathom eating for the sake of it.

DH is like this - he'll eat one a large lunch and feel full for about 24 hours, whereas I'm in the 'obese' category and will want to eat again a few hours later.

Appetite plays a large part of it - they've already proved a connection in some obese/thin people between levels of the hormones leptin and ghrelin and appetite.

I do also think that social reward/ feedback plays a part. I lost 1.5 stone not long ago, and no one even noticed, whereas a thin lady I know went down by half a stone and people were telling her how good she looked and how hard she must have worked to lose it - which just made me feel why bother?

@SavanahXx is making me chuckle a little bit. Not saying your opinion is invalid, but my god a 20 year old body is very different to a fully matured body that is affected by fat/exercise a lot more

I'm probably 2 stone overweight (5'5" and just over 11 stone). I am a foodie and eat out a lot and enjoy cooking but also eat pretty healthily. I do snack a lot on less healthy food. I was severely underweight until I was about 20 and a size 10 until I had kids (12--14 now). I don't exercise as much as I could part from walking and think if I wanted to lose weight it wouldn't be that hard. I have a friend who is a size 22 and does just make poor food choices, lots of fizzy drinks all day, fast food and syrup laden shop bought coffees, she doesnt seem to eat much more than me its just what ahe eats. I am not sure if she sees the link or just prioritises this way of eating over being thinner. I have a few friends who are size 6-8 and they are very busy, dont really do formal exercise but just eat very little, no time for breakfast, small meal when the kids eat, no time for snacks, gravitate towards salads and protein. I fill up.on carbs which doesnt help. I think its always a combination of several factors.

I think to explain my statement, I said it's about what you want more but not that slim people don't enjoy food, the two are simply not the same. You can mean wish to be slim more and not choose to eat whatever, but still love food.

Nor did I say the choice was deliberate or conscious in every instance, it is clear I wrote the choice may be driven by mental health, illness etc.

Read 2 pages and no one's mentioned exercise

I definitely did.

Someone asked me what it meant!!!

Sorry for lack of paragraphs!!

I think eating is more emotional than people think and that those who say they can eat all the crap they want and not put an ounce on are not understanding they have a different genetic mindset and make up. It's no5 about who clever they are or better than someone who struggles.

I'm in my mid 30s and have always been slim. It's not ever made a conscious decision that I'd rather be slim than eat, I think I've just been lucky with my metabolism.
Due to this, I've never obsessed over food, because I can essentially eat what I like. I know how fortunate I am, and my mum's weight fluctuates and I know she's always craving cakes etc, but I think that's because her mind is telling her she shouldn't eat them, it makes her want it more (like forbidden fruit... but cakier).
I think if suddenly I started thinking I wasn't allowed certain foods, I would start craving them too. It's wanting what you can't have.

I was a very skinny child because I didn't like the food I was given. Yes, it was 'eat it or go hungry' but I chose to go hungry. As an adult I have always enjoyed food, the taste, the texture and I eat when I'm hungry. I also like to know what my next meal will be (ie planning days out with this in mind) but I have remained slim. I think it is partly due to the foods I like, I love vegetables and would genuinely prefer a salad to a doughnut. I do choose my food quite carefully with regard to healthy foods though and have loads of nuts in the house for snacking but don't buy biscuits. I only have cake if it's home made and usually only on birthdays or occasions.

People said I would inevitably get fatter as I got older but I am now mid sixties and my bmi is right in the middle of the acceptable range although, yes, I am fatter than I was - slim but not skinny. If, at any time, my clothes felt tight I would think 'better cut back a bit' but I have never been on a diet as such.