How do slim people think?

[Episcomama]

...because I really do think there is a difference between how slim and overweight people think. I am very overweight - BMI of 33. So obese rather than overweight, technically.

I've been off and on diets all my adult life, and the only thing I've really had success with is intermittent fasting and keto. When I stick to it, it works. The problem isn't my body, it's my mind. It's as though there's a switch that gets flicked from time to time. A voice in my head telling me to eat in case of famine. Food occupies much of my waking hours - once I've had a meal I'm thinking ahead to the next one.

A dear friend is very slim and once mentioned that she just doesn't really find satisfaction in food in the way I do (comfort, commiseration, celebration, whatever.) When I spent the weekend with her recently, it really became apparent how differently we see food. She was mildly horrified at both the quantity and frequency of my meals whereas I couldn't understand how she was satisfied with what she ate.

Eating disorders aside, do you think there's a difference between a "thin mind" and a "fat mind", to express it crudely. And if you have a thin mind and used to have a fat mind, can you share with me how you flicked that switch?

I spent 4 years living with 5 women in our 20s. We were all slim. 25 years on 2 are now very overweight. 1 ( me) is a bit over weight a
pnd 2 are slim. We've all had kids, similar types of food we eat and all drink a bit too much. The main differences aren't dramatic but every day other the years it's made huge differences. The slim ones walk fast everywhere, around the house/in work etc. They would never unnecessarily drive when they could walk, and exercise about 3 times a week ( cardio stuff) . They eat about 2/3s of the others on their plate and eat it slowly. They especially eat less carbs and more veg. They have about half the snacks of the rest of us. The largest one was the slimmest and she barely moves. Even when she cleans it is slow. Over the years it all adds up.

My mother has always been slim and has never had to worry about her weight. But she doesn't eat much, and although she does like a good (quality) meal, she doesn't get the same pleasure a lot of people get from eating, it is more about fuel.

I am slim too but that's because I run. I have been overweight in the past (not huge but low end of unhealthy BMI). I eat a lot. Way more than most people but do the exercise to burn it off.

So it varies. Some people stay slim by not eating very much. Some people stay slim by doing lots of exercise and burning it off. And for some it's a mix of the two.

I have had colleagues who were very slim - one I noticed used to talk a lot so we'd all finished eating and she'd only eaten half her lunch and then it was time to go back to work so she'd leave the rest. Another colleague used to miss breakfast, come into work and solidly work until about 2pm and only then would she eat anything. Whereas I have to have breakfast and start looking for lunch at 11am!

I think one thing that does work for me - is this food worth the calories? For example, last week I met a work contact in a local garden centre cafe and they do delicious-looking cakes. But I tell myself they look better than they taste (and save money that way too).

I’ve always been slim and I adore food. I thought I ate a lot bit actually I’m not sure I do. I generally don’t eat breakfast, I eat lunch and I eat dinner. I love carbs but I don’t have a sweet tooth. It simply doesn’t occur to me to eat biscuits sweets cake or chocolate which probably makes a difference. I adore crisps though.

Yesterday I ate a slice of sourdough bread with butter for breakfast, a salmon and cucumber sandwich from M&S for lunch and a soya and veggie bolognoase with spaghetti for dinner plus a couple of glasses of wine. Snacks I tend to eat raw veg. That’s pretty typical

I don't believe there's one slim mindset. People are slim for different reasons. I have 3 very slim friends, all size 6 yet they're all different when it comes to food. Friend 1 is extremely disciplined. She's very strict when it comes to food. She eats very small portions, never snacks, eats barely any fats etc. Friend 2 does have a preference for healthy foods but she eats A LOT. She's the only person I know who genuinely has a very fast metabolism. She eats most big men under the table. If she doesn't eat frequent large meals she feels dizzy. Her mum is also thin as a rake despite being in her 60s. Friend 3 loves food but has a small appetite. She eats whatever she wants but gets full easily. For example, if we go out for a pizza I'll have a full one but she is stuffed after a half. She's not being disciplined she just just can't any more food in. So three women, all the same size, very similar figures yet all have very different eating habits.

People who don't eat healthy and look slim probably have terrible visceral fat.

They would never unnecessarily drive when they could walk, and exercise about 3 times a week ( cardio stuff) . They eat about 2/3s of the others on their plate and eat it slowly. They especially eat less carbs and more veg

This is me too. I am lucky to live fairly close to my town centre so I always walk in, never take the car. It's about 3000 steps there and back so not that much but if I go in 3 times a week it adds up.

And I do snack but on things like carrots and tomatoes.

Nope! I’m naturally slim, thanks to an amazing metabolism, but I loooov my food! I think about it quite often, am ready for lunch at 11:59, eat big portions (think xxl pizza by myself).
I might be the exception to the rule though.

Following keenly. I haven't been slim for 20 years.

I'm slim 8-10 and I enjoy food but I have a trigger point. If I put on half a stone or if my jeans feel a bit tight, I then go back to being good. But in general I don't live to eat, I eat to live.

Answerthequestion your diet sounds like mine. I love crisps not bothered about sweets. There's sugar in carbs though. Dh makes his own sourdough daily but 4 of us eat it usually.

All the latest and best and best advice to lose weight nowadays focuses a lot on learning about why you overeat or which situations make you more likely to overeat and then finding alternatives for those.
As you said, you have been on different diets and I am sure you know all about calories, which foods to avoid, portion sizes, etc. so it is time to look at it in a different way. More like someone who is quitting smoking avoiding certain situations, places, etc.

I’m 5ft4 and a size 6. I’d say for me it comes down to luck rather than anything else as I absolutely love food. Everyone in my family are very slim and I couldn’t put weight on if I tried. I’m probably one of those “skinny fat” people.

I used to be slim and now and fat. For me the difference is pretty straightforward. When I was slim, if I was tired or stressed I would go for a long walk to clear me head. But then I got responsibilities that meant I couldn't just wander off for a couple of hours by myself, so I dealt with stress by eating.

I am a fat person (mindset) in a slim body

I love food, plan my meals, look forward to them. But don't like feeling too full

Also, fatty food gives me indigestion and heartburn

So my inner fat person is limited by the body itself which says "no!" To fish and chips, takeaways etc

Am already planning lunch

I'm skinny, I have my food vices yes but I do not go overboard. I may have some chocolate but it's a small piece and I don't have anything else between meals. Other than this one vice I look forward to and enjoy my meals but just don't need anything else in between.
I also hate feeling full and bloated it makes me feel sluggish so I keep my portion sizes reasonable. Whilst I do sometimes feel peckish leading up to a meal I'm never starving or craving food. I'm in my mid 40's and whilst I do exercise my metabolism has slowed and I don't feel I need as much food so whilst I enjoy it I only eat what I need.

I have never used food for comfort our overindulged in vices I know people do but it's not something that I personally 'get'.

We have a teenager 14 year old boy. He is very slim and I can see how different his attitude to food is. Big portions are an absolute no no. I have to feed him small but nutritious food. He never over eats and I never make eat more than he wants to. My husband and I are overweight.

On nights I go for a run I have to make myself eat and I rarely eat much those days. Other days I eat more but I never fancy a McDonalds (they do do nice coffee though) but I know bread is my downfall. If i buy a tiger loaf I'll devour the lot! I then started planning meals which meant 3 meals a day and one evening snack. I don't log it now but I still do plan in my mind. If I diet then I get hungry and binge, rarely making it past day 3 but I'm finding low carb plus running = weight loss. I would like to lose another 7lbs but I am in healthy bmi range right now.

I also think that at 11st 8lbs I was in denial. I'm now 10-12 dress size which on me it's slim. I'm an hour glass and size 8 makes my face look ill so it's not something I aspire to.

I used to always have cake brought into the office but now it's literally everyday so I just walk by unless it's really special and I'm running that night.

I’m slim and always have been, I think it’s a combination of good genes and just not being that bothered about food.
I like it, enjoy it, but I’m not thinking about eating all the time. My portions are smaller than most and I eat slowly.

I'm 40, 5'1" and a 6-8 at a muscular 8st. I was overweight for much of my 30s and as far as I'm concerned, I lost weight the day I decided to. It took about 6-8 months to lose the weight but the most important day out of that was day 1. So yes, as far as I'm concerned it's mostly in the mindset. There are lots of ways to actually lose weight but you have to have decided that's what you are definitely doing. I'd had lots of half hearted attempts before that but making a decision that this was definitely happening made it happen.

I still love food, I have 3 or 4 meals a day. I have snacks and treats but I eat huge, huge amounts of fruit and veg and minimise simple carbs. I eat chocolate but I prefer a small amount of really nice chocolate to a sugary bar of palm oil from Cadburys. I have luckily found a form of "exercise" I am passionate about which has massive aerobic and anaerobic benefits. And as a short person, I am now lucky to have a lot of muscle as that increases my metabolism and my muscle needs plenty of food to maintain it. I absolutely love healthy food and get more pleasure from a good apple than a manky doughnut though I will sometimes have a doughnut.

I think it can be summarised in general as slim people want slimness over food, and over weight people tend to want food over slimness. It's a choice for many, made daily.

That choice can be driven by many things, including poor mental health, illness etc, but ultimately I think that's what it comes down to, which yo want more.

I tend to be slim, at five eight and a size ten to twelve, a few times in my life I've got up to a sixteen, maybe four, but then take action quickly.

But I work out, and I low carb generally, and I control my portion sizes, I stop eating when I've had a heathy portion, I don't keep going.

I have some very over weight friends, even when they loose weight they tend to put it back on, because ultimately they want the food more. They will go in for second portions, have dessert etc, eat crisps, chocolate, nuts, and feel they are depriving themselves, or restricting if they don't, and that they desperately want it. I tend not to feel that, so can more easily stop, my brain says that's enough, I don't like feeling stuffed.

When I've put on weight, and thus have over eaten for an extended period, it tends to be an emotional thing, not caring, boredom, that sort of thing.

I'm a size 8-10. Always have been.
I don't consciously eat less at all. I eat till I'm full which means often leave some food , generally prefer healthier options, don't eat a lot of processed foods and make a lot of food from scratch.
I eat three meals a day - lunch often quite small such as soup or salad - but I'll have biscuits, toast as a snack. I don't skip meals and would imagine I'm about the calorie guidelines for my age (42)
I run 5k twice a week

I think a huge amount is about what having a full stomach feels like to you - whether it's comforting and satisfying, or uncomfortable and unpleasant.

I'm neither thin nor fat - I'm towards the top of a healthy BMI range - and that's definitely mostly because I move quite a lot; my diet isn't brilliant (well, I eat a very healthy diet, but then some unhealthy snacks on top of it!) and I always put on weight when I go through a more sedentary period. The thinnest I've been since my early 20s was at the end of mat leave, despite eating total rubbish to deal with the sleep deprivation, because I was walking about 3/4 hours a day. Needless to say I put weight on when I went back to work, where I sit down all day!

But the heaviest I've ever been was in my worst ever bout of anxiety. I would just stuff myself with carbs because I found the 'carb coma' - which I don't normally like - would temporary calm me and stop my mind racing. Doesn't Caitlin Moran have a bit in her book about food being the drug of choice for the person who wants to self-soothe but isn't in a position (e.g. caring responsibilities) to actually get drunk or high?

I also found it very, very hard to lose weight on antidepressants. The GP told me, quite condescendingly, that they couldn't make me put on weight because I'd only put on weight if I ate more - which is true on some level, but on another while on them I was so constantly hungry that if I didn't eat more I wouldn't have been able to function.

Some of these things are just not true.

Like slim people don't eat for pleasure, yeah, we do.

But OP, you are right, I'm very slim and my mother has struggled with her weight and even going to 'slimming clubs' she doesn't really lose weight.

We was talking, and I think on he whole there is a big difference with accountability and responsibility for your body. So, she and all the people at the club she belongs to, wan to be thin, but they don't really want to take responsibility for it. They want a magic wand or some 'trick' or enlightenment to be thin. They also eat a whole load of crap and are 'oh what am I like'. Whereas, most slim people put it on them, if they eat a lot of crap, they'll take themselves in hand and get their eating back on track.

There are some people who are naturally very thin and can get what they want though, and they're just lucky!

I think it can be summarised in general as slim people want slimness over food, and over weight people tend to want food over slimness. It's a choice for many, made daily

I don't totally agree with that. There are thing people out there who enjoy their food and drink and don't think much about it at all.

I have been a size 20 and I've been a size 10. I know how much I loved being a size 10 but I am naturally a fat person not a thin person so I just could not maintain the thinness.

If I compare myself to my best friend who is a size 10... (we holiday together, I know her inside out), the differences are...
She knows when to stop. She always leaves something on her plate however big or small the portion has been. I never do.
She eats a huge breakfast. I don't. I really don't like breakfast much and have to force myself.
She snacks occasionally, I rarely do (work that one out!) Every night she and her husband have crisps and an alcoholic drink. I don't. I would put on weight if I did. She doesn't put on weight.

Apart from those two points, she eats just about as much as me, not far off... yet I am a size 16/18 and she is a size 10.
It's so unfair.
I spent my life thinking can't buy that, can't buy that in the supermarket. I daren't, I'll gorge on it. She buys what she wants and eats what she wants

My DP can eat whatever he wants, whenever he wants, and never even gets the slightest bit of bloating. He’s had loads of blood tests done and everything seems normal (for now as I’m sure the volume of junk food he eats won’t be good for him further down the line). I, on the other hand, eat a very healthy diet of things like fruit, veg, lean protein, pulses etc but I have s BMI of 27 and need to lose about 18 pounds. I do occasionally have an unhealthy day of having chocolate, cake, takeaway etc and I will be guaranteed to have gained 1-2 pounds the following day.

As for the mindset of slim people - some (like my DP) are just lucky with a fast metabolism, whereas others probably have very controlled ways of thinking and get joy from looking in the mirror and seeing a slim toned body instead of getting joy from eating loads.
For people like me who could eat all day long it takes a huge amount of self control to lose weight and I’m often miserable in the process.