How do slim people think?

[Episcomama]

...because I really do think there is a difference between how slim and overweight people think. I am very overweight - BMI of 33. So obese rather than overweight, technically.

I've been off and on diets all my adult life, and the only thing I've really had success with is intermittent fasting and keto. When I stick to it, it works. The problem isn't my body, it's my mind. It's as though there's a switch that gets flicked from time to time. A voice in my head telling me to eat in case of famine. Food occupies much of my waking hours - once I've had a meal I'm thinking ahead to the next one.

A dear friend is very slim and once mentioned that she just doesn't really find satisfaction in food in the way I do (comfort, commiseration, celebration, whatever.) When I spent the weekend with her recently, it really became apparent how differently we see food. She was mildly horrified at both the quantity and frequency of my meals whereas I couldn't understand how she was satisfied with what she ate.

Eating disorders aside, do you think there's a difference between a "thin mind" and a "fat mind", to express it crudely. And if you have a thin mind and used to have a fat mind, can you share with me how you flicked that switch?

@Episcomama CBA to read 17 pages but my take on it is....

it's not a case of 'eat to live or live to eat'. That really annoys me. It's based on the notion that healthy food is second rate in terms of pleasure.

I get as much pleasure eating a beautiful piece of baked fish with lovely vegetables as I would from eating a burger and chips.

I used to be plump as a young teen. It was a misery not being able to get clothes to fit my waist without reaching my ankles. Everything had to be altered. This was decades ago when the normal size for women was a 24 to 26 inch waist.

Thankfully my parents started to control my food better- simple things like no 2nd helpings of pudding and reducing portion size.

I have now been an 8-10 all my life.

I love food. But for me, the misery of looking and feeling fat means I control what I eat.

I rarely eat sweet food , never buy sweets or sweet drinks.

Like you OP I look forward to meals, but today for example I had homemade soup and a tiny portion of leftover crumble.

For dinner, it's sea bass and veg and some fruit.

And that's it.

Any snacks will be oat cakes and nut butter or some plain Greek yoghurt.

I don't feel deprived.

I refuse to buy bigger clothes so if my 10 jeans are getting tight, I cut back until they are comfy.

It's about mindset. If you are focused solely on food it does imply an eating disorder where food is replacing something else in your life.

Have you considered therapy??

Twillow when you say that you’re told often that your slim then do you mean that people tell you that your too slim? If this is the case then I find this as offensive as saying to someone that they’re too fat.

I also hate when larger ladies say that they’re ‘real women’, as if having a slim figure makes you less than a woman, imo that’s just jealousy from overweight women to slim women.

I love a take away but the portions are huge. I always eat half, freeze half.

They are. A small fish & chips is more than enough to feed two people even the kid’s sizes are enough for an adult. My husband orders a regular fish and chips and we split that between us and our two sons.

I was actually quite shocked by the portion sizes of takeaways here. As much stuff I hear about American portion sizes here, it’s actually bigger here than most takeaways in the States.

I have a friend who is 59 and she says that clothes sizes have changed over the years, apparently a size 8 now would have been size 10 in the 1970s, is this true? It made me feel shit because I’m a size 8 to 10, not a size 10 to 12, I was a 10 to 12 in my teen years but at age 18 then the puppy fat dropped off and a nice figure had been hiding underneath my puppy fat for years!

I've always been naturally slim (I'm a size 8) and a very slow eater, which seems to be part of it. I remember my mother commenting on how slowly my isster (a size 6) and I ate. DH has commented on how our son and I eat to get fuel rather than because of how wonderful the food tastes, which is true. I'll also stop eating when I'm full, even if the plate is still half full. DH lost loads of weight when he went vegetarian and no longer ate 1.5 plates of food when we ate out, because he'd been eating what I didn't want.

This is so interesting. My friend is slim, she would probably say she isn't, but she is, I am very obese. When we go away together she will be gnawing her arm off in hunger by 1pm if we haven't eaten, I could merrily go for another few hours. She does eat smaller portions, exercises and doesn't really drink. She laughs at me because if we stay with friends I buy loads of food to take with us in case there isn't enough, I get quite panicky about it. I actually love healthy food , there is a green vegetable I don't like and don't have a sweet tooth.

I have a friend who is 59 and she says that clothes sizes have changed over the years, apparently a size 8 now would have been size 10 in the 1970s, is this true?

I think it depends on where you shop. The shops who target older customers e.g. M&S have definitely changed. I haven't noticed much difference in those that have younger customers such as Top shop though. Next don't seem much different either.

I was "naturally slim" til I had my son in my early 20's, I ate and drank what I wanted previous to being pregnant and stayed the same weight plus or minus 7lb, I'd put on the weight at Xmas or holiday but it'd drop off in 2 weeks.
I put on over 5st pregnant, after the initial loss of 3st, now it doesn't matter what I do I never lose more than 5lb.

I love food and drink. 2 out of 3 of my siblings have the fat gene, 2 out of 3 of my dad's have the fat gene. We hit 25 and boom. Fat.

I'm slim, but I have a 'fat mind' as you put it.

I'm only slim because I constantly count what I eat, exercise a lot and restrict foods, particularly things conventionally seen as 'treats' eg sweets, junk food.

The closest I've ever got to having the illlusive 'thin mind' was when I went fully sugar free and low carb. I didn't crave sweets once. I currently spend most days in a cycle of not allowing myself things, eating them anyway, then feeling shit about it which I would say is my 'fat mind'.

The naturally slim people I know simply do not do this; they eat what they want but they stop before they are overfull and they naturally restrict at other times to compensate.

I personally think for me that the damage is done in terms of my mental state: I will always have this 'fat mind' and luckily at the moment I am able to control my weight through exercise.

I have a friend who is 59 and she says that clothes sizes have changed over the years, apparently a size 8 now would have been size 10 in the 1970s, is this true?

I'm older than your friend.

My wedding dress in the mid-80s was a 10, I had a 24 inch waist.

Now, many 10s are a 28 or 30 waist.

This is vanity sizing because women are bigger than they were 30 years ago.

A 24 inch waist was always a 10. 26 = size 12, 28= 14.

I used to do dress making and these were the pattern measurements as well.

PunkHairToday that’s crazy isn’t it?! Isn’t 28 inch waist now a 10? I remember in the 1990s Levi jeans being worn by everybody and their measurements were ‘W 28 L 30’, this was the size I wore and I always thought 28 was a 10, if we were this sizing system today then I would be a size 12 to 14! I’d be a fat cunt due to being a short arse!

I have a friend who is 59 and she says that clothes sizes have changed over the years, apparently a size 8 now would have been size 10 in the 1970s, is this true?

No. I've worked in fashion on and off for a long time and it's the other way round!

Wedding dresses are still often sold in 'old' sizes. I have no idea why, as it feels like a commercially stupid place to risk making your customer feel fat, but they are and a lot of women have to go up a size or two.

I always hear stories of wedding dresses needing adjusted both ways, mad isn’t it.

I'm fairly slim (size 10) but haven't always been. I happened to get quite into fitness (specifically running) in my 20s. I eventually got quite addicted but at the same time got quite into healthier food. I still eat rubbish some of the time but my head does tell me not to eat too much of it and also to limit my portions. I am quite lucky that many years on (am now 41) I don't really think about it that much, whereas I did have a difficult relationship with food in my early 20s.

Ps I think learning to not put too much on your plate, and to not automatically go for 2nds, takes a while to learn but helps enormously.

I'm 50, not especially slim, but technically not overweight, either. I eat 3 meals a day, nothing low fat, moderate carbs, very little sweet stuff. I snack late in the evening and enjoy an alcoholic drink, most evenings. I've never been the sort of woman to push food around my plate. I enjoy food.

If I really fancy something, I'll work it into my day's food, rather than consider it an extra treat.

I'm slim/athletic. We love food in our house but mainly eat home cooked stuff and avoid anything overly processed. I can take or leave chocolate, but we do have treat foods, just not every day ( more like people did in the 80s when I was growing up - there have been threads on here recently talking about how this has changed more recently and nowadays it's more common to eat these foods daily). I also resist eating treats routinely by mainly having them when I go out - if it's not in the kitchen cupboard, then I won't eat it! So we rarely have biscuits, cakes, crisps in the house - unless for a specific reason. We also rarely drink alcohol - I do like a nice G&T but I wouldn't be having one every night and we only really open wine at home for cooking (will drink it if we go out for a meal).

I do a fair amount of sport and when I'm properly training am probably on 2500-300kcals per day. But when I know I'm not expecting as much I don't push it!

I'm late 30's and so far find it fairly easy to stay slim. I am one of those who gets a lot of pleasure from food, I love thinking about what I'm going to eat. But I genuinely love healthy food - eg I prefer flavorful spicy homemade veggie curry and Dahl to an indian takeaway for example.

My portion sizes are also fairly small I guess. Chocolate is my weakness but as I love it so much I only eat it when I'm going to get optimum enjoyment- eg on the sofa in front of Netflix. I'd never grab a bar to eat in a hurry at my desk for example.

ReanimatedSGB

Finally someone talking some sense

the weird thing is that despite being obese , I could say the same as many of the slim people on here eg

I regularly forget to eat as I am really not hungry most of the time. The only time I obsess over food is if I am on a diet or trying to 'eat healthily' Otherwise I don't think about food at all if I can help it.

When I do eat however I tend not to have much of an off switch and can eat really a lot without feeling massively full. so a normal day for me would be nothing to eat all day and then eating an awful lot at night. I find that once I have eaten a lot, it triggers me to eat more, rather than make me want to stop. I can't really explain it, it often leads to a binge.

I however at least know i have an eating disorder.

I’m very fat. I’m ashamed and embarrassed by it. I developed a bad relationship with food in my teens and both my parents are overweight as are the relatives on my mums side. But I mostly piled on the weight when I had my kids. Two have autism and adhd and the youngest at 7 wakes up frequently in the night. He also has coeliac and between that and the autism has a very restricted diet (he can’t tolerate certain foods. I often end up cooking a variety of meals to cater for the two with autism and for my dh, me and elder child. Food is very much my friend as I have none in real life.

This thread has been a real eye opener for me about how people look at food and the changes I need to make.

I also I suspect have undiagnosed adhd and it’s common for people with adhd to be very impulsive. I wish I could take a pill instead of eating because I can never stop eating whereas with an alcohol addiction you don’t need alcohol to survive.

This has been a very interesting thread. Thanks OP.

After I lost 4st, well I just make s conscious effort of calorie count in the back of my head

A fish supper between four people is a very small portion indeed.

I am a size 10 and the minute my clothes become tight I pull back on my eating. I refuse to wear a size 12.

In my teens and 20's I was a size 8.

I usually eat between midday and midnight only. I have never been a breakfast person, so it is easy for me to do.

I eat carbs for lunch and very little for dinner. I eat snacks daily: fruit, nuts, raisins, chocolates. I eat a standard bag of crisps once a week. Rarely drink fizz and juice and when I do I mix with water. I do like a few glasses of wine several times a week.

I rarely eat in passing or while standing up.

I know the calories of most foods and it helps to think about them before eating say a croissant which has over 300 calories and barely touches the sides.

Alwaysgrey - Caitlin Moran,in her book How to be a Woman, has a chapter on how eating is the addiction of carers, as they aren’t able to drink alcohol etc while doing a good job caring for their children and so overeat instead.