How do slim people think?

[Episcomama]

...because I really do think there is a difference between how slim and overweight people think. I am very overweight - BMI of 33. So obese rather than overweight, technically.

I've been off and on diets all my adult life, and the only thing I've really had success with is intermittent fasting and keto. When I stick to it, it works. The problem isn't my body, it's my mind. It's as though there's a switch that gets flicked from time to time. A voice in my head telling me to eat in case of famine. Food occupies much of my waking hours - once I've had a meal I'm thinking ahead to the next one.

A dear friend is very slim and once mentioned that she just doesn't really find satisfaction in food in the way I do (comfort, commiseration, celebration, whatever.) When I spent the weekend with her recently, it really became apparent how differently we see food. She was mildly horrified at both the quantity and frequency of my meals whereas I couldn't understand how she was satisfied with what she ate.

Eating disorders aside, do you think there's a difference between a "thin mind" and a "fat mind", to express it crudely. And if you have a thin mind and used to have a fat mind, can you share with me how you flicked that switch?

I am size 6, mid 40s. I love food so don't have food bucketed into good or bad and don't deny myself anything. I am not an emotional eater. I don't diet but do watch my portion sizes. My husband is almost a foot taller than me so eating the same portion size as him makes no sense. I don't think about food all the time but I do eat every few hours, especially a lot of fruit - which my dentist says is bad for my teeth, you can't win!

Breakfast is porridge or a croissant or a handful of granola topped with a punnet of berries with a tea. Mid morning fruit. Then weekday lunchtime is a soup followed by fruit. (Saturday is something with the kids eg chips and nuggets, Sunday is roast). Mid afternoon fruit again, and then evening is my main meal of the day. Usually late night cup of tea with a biscuit or 2/3 blocks of chocolate or ice cream.

I’ve lost 2.5 stone doing intermittent fasting, but was large rather than obese to begin with. I have some seriously overweight family. I think the little things add up - one biscuit / drink instead of two or three, being fidgety, juice consumption, sharing a starter instead of saying everything looks great, let’s get them all. And so on. Even 2-300 extra calories a day makes a difference over time.

I meant willpower not freewill haha!! Was listening to the radio and obviously got distracted

I'm slim and always have been, apart from a couple of years at the end of sixth form/beginning of uni when I was drinking heavily, eating a lot of shit and doing almost no exercise.

I love food and have a huge appetite; I don't eat breakfast because I'm not hungry in the morning but other than that I rarely miss a meal!

I think it's a combination of genetics (I'm 5'11" too), doing a lot of exercise and being generally active, and finding it easy to resist junk/treats. If I want to eat some chocolate or whatever then I will, but usually the pleasure of the treat would be outweighed by my knowledge of the number of empty calories I'm eating.

I'd much rather eat healthily at home and not snack on biscuits etc, and then be able to go out for a really nice meal once or twice a week where I can gorge myself without remorse!

Yes I work with some overweight people who seem to barely eat in the day but must eat a lot in the evening.

I have a colleague who is twice my weight and while I will have biscuits or cake if they are on offer she always declines. She has ryvita and fruit for lunch but often refers to meals out the previous evening at the Hungry Horse.

But is it healthy to just have a couple of pieces of toast over 2 days? Surely not, even if it keeps you thin.

I don't imagine it would do you any harm really. Presumably our prehistoric ancestors, and lots of wild animals, had/have days of abundant food and days when they hardly eat anything. The benefits of moderate fasting are now pretty well-publicised. Part of what makes people fat is a fear of proper hunger. Being hungry for a bit won't kill you, but constantly eating when you're not actually hungry could eventually kill you.

I agree about less sleep making you think of food more, if I don’t get enough sleep then I get a strange taste in my mouth all day which tells my brain I’m hungry and I wont stop eating, it’s very odd, does anyone else feel this way?

Yep, that was me too. No amount of food would satisfy the hunger. I only stopped eating when I felt so full I felt sick. It changed overnight once I started using the CPAP machine. I've lost 2.5 stone so far and I'm not even dieting. I'm just not constantly craving high calorie foods.

Am normal BMI and always thinking about my next meal. So far, 4 cups tea, quorn and mayo buttie, crisps and a scone. It's a long time till lunch.

I think the main difference between me and my fatter relatives is portion size. 25g bag of crisps only. One scone, the other is for tomorrow. If I have a bacon buttie, it's one or two slices of bacon only.

I think I have learnt that just becuase I feel hungry it doesn't actually mean anything. I suspect it gets easier with practise to think that way.

I’m fairly slim. I like my food but I know when to stop. If I’ve overindulged one day , I rein it in the next.
As a family growing up we weren’t ‘ smackers’
I was amazed going to friends houses at people sitting around watching TV scoffing. I still find it odd the amount of food that people eat watching a film in the cinema or a play in the theatre.
I probably eat more for fuel than for any emotional reasons.
I like good food though, like a nice steak, cheeses, not got a sweet tooth so chocolate I can take it or leave it

When I was on the lighter side of the healthy bmi range I never felt hungry and had to remind myself to eat.

Now I’m on the heavier side of the healthy range I get sooo hungry and have to be very strict with myself. I realise how easy it would be to start putting on weight and if I followed my natural appetite I would be very heavy indeed.

I love eating snacks whilst I’m at the cinema, and infact I couldn’t not.

I have always thought I was fat. I was a size 8-10 in my teenage years. In my 20s I went up to a 12 and never returned, now I am in my 30s I am a 14-16 (after having dd I was an 18 as I had put so much on). I have a horrid relationship with myself and with food. I am currently trying to lose so I am back to a 'healthy weight' and possibly a 12. It is so so so so hard and a mental battle every day. And I look back at pictures of myself and kick myself for thinking I was fat!

I long to be naturally slim

Ive asked some of my friends this before as I've always struggled with my weight, they resoundingly said it's because they actually don't think of food much. If they're hungry they will eat, usually what they want, but will stop when they're full. Instead of being bound by 3 meals will eat just when hungry. It sounds so simple but something I've always struggled with!

I also agree with the poster up thread who said it never occurs to them to buy crisps/biscuits/chocolate from the supermarket. We have a cupboard full of stuff we've either been given as gifts or have bought for expeditions (cereal bars for mountain days etc) and they really don't get eaten. I've just finished a bar of Lindt chocolate we were given at Christmas, but I ate it in four or five sittings over as many weeks.

IME slim people aren't as focused on food - if they're busy they sometimes forget to eat. The rest of us take more interest and can't imagine those feelings - it's a completely different mindset. We like eating and sometimes don't stop when we're full. The smaller portions that slim people are happy with don't seem quite enough to those of us who struggle. My slim friend also enjoys exercise - I loathe it.

This thread is really interesting, it's a shame there are a couple of snippy comments from both sides of the debate. It's not necessary.

OP, I was super slim most of my life and never really thought about it. I've always loved food and was pretty active I suppose but when I hit the menopause just about everything changed for me. I put on a lot of weight in a short space of time and became pretty obsessed with food, eating etc. I make pretty healthy meals but my snacking is ridiculous. However, I'm doing my best to do something about it now so fingers crossed. I definitely think differently as a fatter person than I did as a slim person in that I never really thought about food before, now I do.

I have a couple of pals that are my age and height and they’re size 6s and sometimes I feel I should be too but I would look totally unwell and my bum would disappear completely, I have small boobs as it is and typically, the weight goes from there too when I lose weight.

How can 2 people who are the same sex, height and age look so different being the same size? I’d love to know!

I struggled with being overweight quite a few years ago; stuck in a binge / diet/ fast cycle. I’ve now been a stable and healthy weight for the last few years and it’s something I think about.

I did notice in your post that you refer to diets and that’s the main thing that should change, in my experience. If you’re thinking about good food or bad food, that’s a mistake - it’s just food. Try and detach the emotional element from it.

The other thing that I want to share is ‘eating fat and eating thin’, this made a huge difference to me in flicking that switch. Basically, eating fat is described as eating fast, having the next mouthful loaded up on the fork while still chewing the last one, not chewing enough, keeping the cutlery in your hands. Eating thin is basically the exact opposite - putting the cutlery down in between mouthfuls and so on.
This also allows time for your stomach to tell your brain that it’s full.

The final thing that I’d share with you is that I never eat unless I’m hungry. I also really dislike the feeling of being overfull so I actively avoid it.

I hope this helps you and wish you well.

I hate the sensation of being too full and rarely finish my food out of habit. perhaps over the years i just consume less and have stayed slim but i also love being active.

I’m not sure if this has been mentioned, but I have been doing the OurPath program and have found it a revelation. I’m nearly 50 and thought I knew a lot about nutrition, but it turns out I had no idea how little complex carbs you actually need. So far I’ve lost half a stone over 4 weeks by changing eating habits, eating less carbs, loads more veg. The program helps with mindset, distorted thinking around food etc, I’d really recommend it.

My slim DP eats his meals slowly whereas I wolf my dinner down and will be cutting up my next mouthful whilst still chewing what’s in my mouth. I’ll finish a good 10-15 mins before DP even if we have the same size portion.

In my late teens by BMI was 33-35
Since then it’s never been above 25, generally around 20 (lower atm due to pregnancy sickness).

I grew up with ‘basic’ and ‘low cost’ food. pizzas/freezer food/carbohydrates/chocolate/sweets. Living rurally with no transport links or friends locally didn’t help.

Moving out (and to a city) put me in control and I was miserable being fat. The BIGGEST factor is portion control. If you eat lots frequently then you’re going to be large- simple. Your stomach gets used to how it’s treated so once you’re already big its REALLY hard to lose it as you feel hungry ALL the time!!!

Push through being ‘hungry’ for a month (no cheating) and you will find it tough to eat the portion sizes you used to though as your stomach will adjust.

(That’s why so many people have successful weight loss journeys after extended periods of illness- their stomachs shrank and now it’s easier not to go back to eating lots).

I have no issue with those who choose to be larger as a lifestyle choice. They’re adults and it’s their choice. I have limited sympathy though for large people who constantly complain about how awful and hard it is to lose weight (or make negative comments about others who are slim 🤔) Weight loss is VERY difficult but pretty straight forward - so if it’s not working you’re not doing it properly!!
I’ve done it myself so I KNOW how tough it is - but either you do it or you don’t.

This thread has shown most eating habits are emotional, if I am depressed stressed or tired my appetite goes away.

I agree with others on the importance of sleep. There really isn't anything more important to your overall health and well being than a good night's sleep. I recently read Dr Matthew Walker's Why We Sleep which is fascinating and terrifying in equal measure and it really brought home to me just how important sleep is.

The other point I didn't make while thinking about food is that a large part of 'slimness' is about bone structure. I am the tall side of average and very fine boned. If I buy a watch I always have to have links removed from the strap or extra holes punched if it's leather to fit my wrists. I'm at the very bottom end of the healthy BMI range for my height but would look enormous were I toward the top end. Another woman of my height with a stockier build would look ill at my weight.

All the thin, young people - wait until the menopause hits...

Staying slim is no longer quite so effortless, bits of you hurt that you never knew could hurt and yet you have to exercise like a demon in order to be able to eat more than a plain salad once a day!

I used to be effortlessly slim, got to 55 and the weight just went 'wheeeeeeeeeee!' even though I didn't really change my diet or lifestyle. Now I have to eat two tiny meals a day and run 30 miles a week just to fit into my jeans.

Age has a lot to do with it.