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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset?

91 replies

Jellybeansincognito · 20/10/2019 19:58

My husband has spent the day trying to wind me up, the final straw however was when he brought up something that happened in my past and said it was my fault.

What is this thing that’s my fault your probably wondering?

When I was 16 I had a boyfriend and a male best friend, my boyfriend broke up with me one day (I wasn’t ready for the sex stuff, he was) and my me best friends family had gone on holiday without him, I went to his and we raided the alcohol cupboard- I was pretty much gone.
I remembered I’d thrown up on myself (only time I’ve ever been sick from drinking, I know.. not wise but I was 16 and 16 year olds aren’t exactly known to be sensible).
And knew that my friend had removed my top to wash it for me. He put me on the sofa.
I don’t really know what happened next apart from the fact I woke up when it was very dark and still being drunk wasn’t sure why he was on top of me- I was so drunk and disorientated I didn’t stay conscious and didn’t think about this again until the next morning when I woke up sober and went to the toilet to discover I’d been bleeding.

It took me days for my friend to admit that he had sex with me.

I felt disgusting and a lot of people turned against me because I wanted to report it, they all blamed me for being drunk.
I never reported it because of this.

The one person who is supposed to love me and be there for me is making me feel just like I did back then and I don’t know where to go from here.

Hand hold please?

OP posts:
Hecateh · 26/10/2019 21:23

Remember there are lots of us behind you and rooting for you

upups · 26/10/2019 21:31

As someone who has recently got out of an abusive relationship I beg you please to get out. Call the police, log everything with them. Go to a lawyer, get in touch with benefit schemes and any friends or family you have. You need to get out for your children's sake and your own. This man does not love you, he is controlling you and hurting you and he will not change. We are all here supporting you every step of the way❤️

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 26/10/2019 21:41

What is your relationship like with your family? Forget about school on Monday, if you were to call your family tonight and tell them everything- that your DP has hit you and you want to leave but he has been controlling and you have no access to funds, would they help? Would someone be willing to come and get you and the kids? Would they give you somewhere to stay until you can sort things out? If so then do it.

MyNewBearTotoro · 26/10/2019 21:46

I second all of the posters saying call the police. Physical abuse and financial abuse will both be taken seriously by them.

Shoxfordian · 26/10/2019 21:51

Are you ok? Call the police if you can

Dery · 26/10/2019 21:55

Call the police. If you’re not scared, it’s because you’ve become used to normalising abusive behaviour. Not your fault at all - it’s a survival tactic. The police should take him away - ask them about getting a domestic violence protection order. As other posters have said - don’t worry about school. This is an emergency situation. If you have any family/friend who could come and be with you now - get them over. Tomorrow try calling the National Centre for Domestic Violence. They can provide helpful advice. Ask them about non-molestation orders and see if you think it might be helpful for you to apply for one.

MoonlightBonnet · 26/10/2019 22:26

If your little one is still four they don’t legally have to be at school on Monday. Have you got anything you could sell to get the train fare to your family? Or could you buy some stuff to sell using Apple Pay?

justthecat · 26/10/2019 22:33

Call the police you can be rid of him tonight.

justthecat · 26/10/2019 22:34

Seriously a 30 second call could change it all 💐

LizB62A · 26/10/2019 22:47

PLEASE call the police now - you're not safe there

PoppiesarelethaltoSpellmans · 26/10/2019 22:57

Definitely call the police. Fuck this loser, get him arrested and get him out.

You deserve to be free from him. It will only get worse.

Schmoozer · 26/10/2019 22:59

I hope you are ok
I’m so worried for you
Don’t trust him
Be really careful
Guys like this can turn nasty when they realise they are losing control over you xx

Original poster
Jellybeansincognito · 26/10/2019 23:21

Honestly don’t be worried, we’ve been together for over 10 years, he won’t do more than what he has done.
He won’t get away with this any more, I’m just buying some time to get some things in place and my facts straight before I fully act.
I need to know that me and my kids are secure before I go in deep!

OP posts:
WhenPushComesToShove · 26/10/2019 23:32

Please protect yourself and your DC from this arsehole. DC should not grow up around someone like this. You feel helpless but help is out there if you just reach out

middlemuddle · 27/10/2019 10:33

Did you think in those 10 years he'd have said the rape was your fault or have cracked you twice with the ipad? If not then sorry you don't know that he won't do more. You are in a situation you need to get out of immediately. Sod the finances etc there will be help. My friend had similar happen and he was arrested and given an injunction order. She's now married with a new baby and very happy. There's always a way.

middlemuddle · 09/11/2019 16:57

Hope you're doing ok OP.

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