To be upset?

[Jellybeansincognito]

My husband has spent the day trying to wind me up, the final straw however was when he brought up something that happened in my past and said it was my fault.

What is this thing that’s my fault your probably wondering?

When I was 16 I had a boyfriend and a male best friend, my boyfriend broke up with me one day (I wasn’t ready for the sex stuff, he was) and my me best friends family had gone on holiday without him, I went to his and we raided the alcohol cupboard- I was pretty much gone.
I remembered I’d thrown up on myself (only time I’ve ever been sick from drinking, I know.. not wise but I was 16 and 16 year olds aren’t exactly known to be sensible).
And knew that my friend had removed my top to wash it for me. He put me on the sofa.
I don’t really know what happened next apart from the fact I woke up when it was very dark and still being drunk wasn’t sure why he was on top of me- I was so drunk and disorientated I didn’t stay conscious and didn’t think about this again until the next morning when I woke up sober and went to the toilet to discover I’d been bleeding.

It took me days for my friend to admit that he had sex with me.

I felt disgusting and a lot of people turned against me because I wanted to report it, they all blamed me for being drunk.
I never reported it because of this.

The one person who is supposed to love me and be there for me is making me feel just like I did back then and I don’t know where to go from here.

Hand hold please?

Yes. Ring the police or Women's Aid,

Police, now.

He won’t leave. He cracked me in the shoulder blade with the iPad after a day of him being a bit of a bully, I just snapped and threw the contents of my glass into his face.
He reacted by smacking me again with the iPad now but even harder.

I’ve just had enough. I’ve messaged his mum and said I want him out but she’s defending him I guess and responded (where is he meant to go?) I’ve said to her, a hotel? His car? I don’t really care really, the kids should come first and he should leave.

I don’t have any family or close friends close by and my daughter is at school here now, since he has total control over money I can’t even go and withdraw some cash to get us a taxi and train to my family- I don’t even want to do this because what’s the point when my daughter needs to be at school on Monday?

His mum has a habit of defending his behaviour.
I’ve been sat up stairs crying since because I have realised I have zero control.

I’ve never felt so worthless in my life

This is awful, op. Hope you are safe.

Whatever happens today, start making serious plans to leave. He is horrible and won't change.

Police. Immediately

Ring the police, don’t worry about your DD going into school Monday, that can all be sorted out much later.

Phone the police.

This will escalate quickly into full on physical abuse.

This smack was a test run.

His dm will never be your allie - ring the police. Where he goes is not your concern.
Get him arrested right now.

Ring the police.

Don’t worry about school on Monday.

Are your family in a position to transfer you money to get to them? I wouldn’t hesitate if you were my daughter but I appreciate not everyone could/would.

He assaulted you. Call the police.

Call the police - he has assaulted you

Call the police.

Please call the police Jelly, this will so easily escalate. Please also contact Women’s Aid, they will be able to help you get out.

You need to do something drastic, OP - call the police.

Financially, you will be MUCH better off if you separate. Emotionally you will be far better off, too. He is the most disgusting man.

Please call the police, there's nothing financial or otherwise you can't overcome if you can get you and your kids away safely. He's hit you twice, he will hit you again. Call them to protect from the escalating behaviour and your children.

Here's info on making a call to police OP, in a quiet way (applies in all UK areas, if you're in UK:-

www.devon-cornwall.police.uk/contact/silent-999-calls/

You need to get shot of that loser. Get rid.

Thank you, all so much for making me feel like I’m not alone.

I’m just with my little boy and getting him to sleep. He wants to talk but I honestly don’t want to give him the time of day and don’t feel comfortable being around him alone.

I don’t feel not safe- I’m just hurt, extremely hurt by him more emotionally than anything.

I’m not staying with him, I’m going to call women’s aid in the morning and maybe CAB to see what I can do to get away ASAP.

And no I don’t know where my bank card is, I got a new one sent and he opened the post and god knows where it is now.

So I can’t be given anything to use

I'd call the police and report the physical abuse and, also, say that he has your bank card, which is financial abuse. You can't leave without it, which is leaving you trapped.

Make sure your ID is safe OP, e.g. passport, drivers licence, any address proof. You can use these to help the bank release money to you over the counter - but Women's Aid / CAB / police can advise further on this. You're not trapped x

You mentioned going to your family OP could they come and pick you and your children up?

If not I'd be ringing the Police and telling them that he's assaulted you and refuses to leave the house!

The Police will help!

@Jellybeansincognito are you ok???

I’m not, but I’m safe.
He’s asked me to accept his apology, I’ve told him it will never be good enough.

He is so up and down, I cannot keep up.
He thinks all is fine, of course it isn’t, and won’t be until I’m gone.

I feel a bit stronger to go tbh.