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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Wanting to change DD's first name WIBU

340 replies

F1oridasunshine · 20/10/2019 16:04

I've NC as this could be potentially outing if we go ahead with it.

Before DD was born me and DP had 2 names; Emily and Meadow. Meadow was by far our preferred name.

We were ridiculed for liking Meadow and told DD could get bullied so called DD Emily despite having reservations.

Although we like the name Emily, it is quite common. We did want something slightly different from a tradition name but thought the name would've grown on us by now but it hasn't and we both feel really disappointed we never stuck with our first choice.

We have discussed changing her name by deedpole to Meadow keeping Emily as a middle name.

Can I ask opinions on this? Are we being silly for considering this or should we just accept our choice and stick with Emily. I really want to change it but DP is worried about it now we have told friends and family her name.

So WWBU to change it?

DD is 15 wks old.

OP posts:
Thisishowwesurvive · 21/10/2019 09:52

I think Meadow is a nice word but I'm not 💯 % sure about it as a name when I say it out loud. Al least she would likely be the only child in the school called 'meadow' within a sea of Emily's .
Change it if you like. It's easy to change a name before a child is a year old. It's not the worst name out there though. A few weeks back somebody posted that their kids name is Micah Quinn 🤭

SchadenfreudePersonified · 21/10/2019 09:58

Emily Meadow flows of the tongue better than Meadow Emily

I agree - and moving the vowel initial to the "front" means you won't have to worry that she will ever end up with even mildly humorous initials

FizzyGreenWater · 21/10/2019 10:00

Yes, whatever you do DON'T do the using the middle name thing.

It's just one MASSIVE pain in the backside as Rainbowknickers just outlined.

My FIL has had this all his life and hates it.

yabadabadontdoit · 21/10/2019 10:06

Have you tried using Meadow when you talk to her and about her? I would spend a few days doing that if you haven’t, then you’ll know which feels right.

F1oridasunshine · 21/10/2019 11:16

I love all the different accents being suggested and trying them in my head 😂

I do have a posh sounding accent (I was bullied for it in school after moving to a new area) apparently I speak proper english Grin

OP posts:
F1oridasunshine · 21/10/2019 11:20

I agree - and moving the vowel initial to the "front" means you won't have to worry that she will ever end up with even mildly humorous initials

The initials are fine however way around, I read about the issues with initials when searching baby names. Glad I did as it really never occurred to me before.

OP posts:
helpmum2003 · 21/10/2019 11:20

Without commenting on the names I would change BC if you change the name you call her. I'm known by my middle name and it's a nightmare with banks and other official things.

Ozgirl75 · 21/10/2019 11:59

I live in Australia and although I have an English accent I had to try names out with an Aussie accent Grin

BubblesBuddy · 21/10/2019 12:07

I use my middle name but the annoyance of continually have to spell my first name and tell people about it (they have never heard of it) outweighs the issue of using my second name and occasionally having to answer to my first name!

Meadow will seem a bit dated in 30 years I suspect. A bit like Apple! I agree Emily is very common but if you like Meadow go for it. Don't expect her to agree with your choices though! They end up with their ideas and could even prefer common old Emily!

LavendarGreen · 21/10/2019 12:08

@F1oridasunshine IMO I wouldn't do it. I don't think she'll thank you for calling her Meadow.

I have an unusual name (I was born some five decades back,) and all through my school life, I got ripped to shreds for it. (Imagine it's something astronomical.) My primary school was full of girls called Linda, Tracey, Rachel, Mandy, Helen, Sarah, Shirley, Christine, Samantha, Jane, and so on. Then there was me with this 'wacko' name.

In high school I also got the piss taken out of me, and even had teachers saying 'why did your mother give you such a silly name?' with a Hmm kind of look!

Started work in the early 80s, and even then people made negative comments. I would get the odd person saying 'that's an unusual name' and not slagging it off, (maybe the odd hippie or very eccentric person now and again!) For the most part, I got mocked for my name.

When I retrained for a new career (in my mid 20s,) I started a new job and started using my middle name (which is a much more standard, normal name.) As a pp has said, this has caused problems and confusion over the years. Not major stuff, but irritating inconveniences. But it's been much better for me, as I got sick of the mocking and deriding of my real forename!

Even now, some fifty years later, my real forename is classed as weird. So as a few posters have said, don't assume that 'Meadow' will be classed as a normal name within 10 to 15 years or so.

I have been known as my middle name now for 27 to 28 years now, (since my early to mid 20s,) and even DH calls me by my middle name. And always has. You should have seen peoples faces at my wedding when I read out my name during the vows. I got 'is that really your first name?' a hundred times that week, and got weary and tired of explaining myself!

In addition, when my DC were at school in the 1990s, they knew half a dozen girls with wacky/odd names - (it's nearly always the girls with them - rarely the boys!) Names like Passion, Fragrance, Harmony, Blossom, and Thunder. They were classed as weird names then (by most people.)

15 to 20 years on, these girls are now in their mid to late twenties, and their names are still classed as weird names. Most of them go by their middle names now. Like I said, don't assume a weird name now, is going to be 'normal' when they're teenagers/young adults.

I would urge anyone to not give their child a name that is unusual and 'out there' because they have to live with that name; forever.

A few people have said that the name will be 'normal' in 15 to 20 years time or so. It won't. And this is from someone with a weird and wacky name. I was given this name some fifty years ago, and it is still classed as weird. Thankfully, most people know me as my middle name!

Please reconsider this OP. As a few pps have said, how about Emily Meadow?

snowball28 · 21/10/2019 12:25

My name is Emily so for obvious reasons I prefer that one over Meadow! I do think Emily is a timeless classic name but also very pretty and feminine, I really like my own name.

That being said I have a daughter who has a very unusual middle name that I wanted to be her first name (think weather ) however I was worried she’d be picked on at school and passed over for jobs etc in the future so we picked a ‘normal’ first name obviously one we still absolutely loved of course and kept the unusual name as her middle.

I would change to Emily Meadow and call her Meadow. She then has scope for change in the future if she finds it too unusual for her.

F1oridasunshine · 21/10/2019 12:34

My primary school was full of girls called Linda, Tracey, Rachel, Mandy, Helen, Sarah, Shirley, Christine, Samantha, Jane, and so on. Then there was me with this 'wacko' name.

This is the thing though, I have been volunteering in schools while studying to become a primary school teacher and she wont be surrounded with those names anymore. Meadow really REALLY is mild compared to alot of the names in school now.

We are still undecided. Although we love the name Meadow, I don't want to just name her because I love it. I dont think that is fair on any child as you pointed out.
I have to take her into account, does it fit with her, her personality, the names going around at the same time she was born, names she will be going to school with. Pretty much everything pp's have said.

This is why I appreciate so much the negative as well as the positive comments about the name.

There have been great suggestions like having Meadow as the middle name because it flows better (Ialso think it does). Another great suggestion was to spend a few days calling her Meadow to see if it really fits with her. I'm going to suggest that to DP and see what he says. We could still leave it as Emily, but it is great to know that changing a name after 15 weeks is ok 😊

OP posts:
Lhastingsmua · 21/10/2019 12:37

Wish others would stop advising to “use Emily as a middle name so she can use that if she prefers”

Real life doesn’t work that way, it’s not a solution but a start of a whole host of admin issues. I’m guessing none of you have actually had to do this?

Put the weird name as the middle name, not the other way around!

category12 · 21/10/2019 12:40

My mum and aunt have always used their middle names, as the initials for the names of my aunt spelt out something unfortunate, so that's how their parents got around it. It's hardly the biggest admin issue in the world. it's a minor inconvenience at times.

FizzyGreenWater · 21/10/2019 12:52

I'm really surprised at this thread - well not really - AIBU is like that, people just ENJOY disagreeing and are here to wind people up - but the bottom line is that Meadow is not wacky. It's not to everyone's taste but in primary schools full of Betsys, Cleos, Iggys, Otises (Oti?!) - it's not going to really raise any eyebrows. Posts like Lavendar's above just highlight how much things have changed, if anything. And that's without taking multicultural areas into account and the range of names you encounter in primaries with lots of children with names from other cultures!

And, I don't want to just name her because I love it - that's how everyone names their child though... Confused

Emily may be loved by many, deathly boring to many others - that doesn't matter- what matters is that you aren't happy with your name choice.

Durgasarrow · 21/10/2019 13:26

I don't have a problem with Meadow, but I also don't think it's a problem if you leave it as a middle name and call her Meadow.

HT85 · 21/10/2019 13:28

A friend of mine (and two of her siblings) all changed their names when they moved from primary to secondary school, it was very odd considering I went to both schools with her and suddenly had to start calling an 11 year old a different name.

15 weeks is nothing though!! Do it! And Meadow is gorgeous.

Iooselipssinkships · 21/10/2019 13:41

Change it! My son is called River and me and DP couldn't care less what people think. Our son our choice. Your daughter your choice. Meadow is beautiful and I love nature names.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 21/10/2019 14:01

I have an unusual name (I was born some five decades back,) and all through my school life, I got ripped to shreds for it. (Imagine it's something astronomical.)

Is that you, Planisphere? We all wondered where you disappeared to after you left school.

So you use your middle name for preference now, eh? TBH I'm not surprised - Occultation is much more acceptable.

Grin
hannahs87 · 21/10/2019 14:15

Change it. Meadow is a beautiful name.

I've a friend who's name was changed under 1yr old and she's now nearly 30. The new name suits her so much more. But I could be biased as I've never known her as anything else.

SouthwarkSkaters · 21/10/2019 15:29

FWIW OP, there’s a Meadow in DD’s football team, none of the girls (all of which have more traditional names) bat an eyelid, never mind make fun of her! She has a fun, lively personality and is a kick-ass footballer too - the name really suits her. I asked DD (10) what she thought of the name and she said she has no feelings towards it. I suppose if anyone would be making fun of that name it would be adults.

Welshy545 · 21/10/2019 16:00

I absolutely love the name Meadow but my DH said no when I suggested it, I think its gorgeous and nowadays noone will bully her for having an unusual name as there will be so many kids with unusual names in her class! I think its gorgeous and at 15 weeks you can definitely change it, shes still so young x

LavendarGreen · 21/10/2019 16:24

@SchadenfreudePersonified

Is that you, Planisphere? We all wondered where you disappeared to after you left school.

Grin Busted!! DAMN YOU!!!! Grin

F1oridasunshine · 21/10/2019 19:35

Is that you, Planisphere?

That is actually a really nice name and would fit in perfect in todays classrooms Wink

Apologies for the lack of replies, it's been a busy afternoon. I did manage to speak to DP about what he was thinking about it all now (He read some of this thread last night) and he is now leaning more towards keeping Emily as her first name but adding Meadow as a middle name. It definitely flows better than Meadow Emily. I'm happy with that too, I was worried he was going to say leave it altogether.

I think he's still a bit worried about the name being teased at school. He's never liked out there names at all which is why I was shocked he loved the name Meadow! His list of 5 girl's names looked like something out of the 80's 😂😂😂

OP posts:
Catsandchardonnay · 21/10/2019 19:42

If you like the name so much, change your name to it. Just don’t saddle your kid with it, she’s unlikely to thank you.