Horror Movie at 9yr Olds Birthday Party?!

[FixItUpChappie]

Just wondering if I've handled this alright.....

My just turned 9yr old headed to friend birthday party tonight. Just prior to the party another parent told me their son wasn't going because he had told his mum they would be watching the horror movie "Slender Man". - which I think is 18+ in the UK.

So I asked the dad at drop off if this was true as I would pick our son up prior to if that was the case....nope he says, no worries - his son told kids that but he hadn't passed it by his parents. Not to worry he said.

Got a text 1hr later saying that all the other 7 kids were disappointed they couldn't watch the horror movie so he was going to put it on, so I could come pick son up. Which I did.

I was clearly annoyed when I picked son up. Told the dad I wish we had known in advance because we would have just declined the invitation and pointed out it put our son in a very awkward, difficult position.

Son crying second he hit the car not understanding why they didn't just watch a different movie instead of putting something in which meant he had to go home . Good point IMO.

I took my son for ice cream and had a heart to heart about how he may be upset but his father and I will prioritize our values and beliefs about what is best for him because he is our greatest love and responsibility. He seems hurt and confused.

Am fucking fuming with this dad and my kid will never go over there again not just because of the movie but to single out one child and choose a movie over their feeling well he can fuck right off - am I totally unreasonable in this thinking? Am I in la la land thinking horror movies for 9yr olds is not a typical thing and other parents are going to be unpleasantly surprised? What would you lot have done?

I’d be absolutely furious if someone showed this to my 9 year old at a sleepover! You did the right thing, any responsible parent would’ve done the same.

I would have done the same as you op, my dc would have nightmares.

I think it is really shitty not to pick another film.

So a bunch of young children were disappointed they weren't going to see the inappropriate movie - well, er, tough?

When DS was ten, I remember him telling me his best friend wasn't allowed to watch Grange Hill, his mum thought it was unsuitable. A few weeks later DS went friend 's house for a sleepover, and they watched a video of......Texas Chainsaw Massacre!!

And most (not all) of the common sense reviews suggest it is suitable from around about age 13.

And how does that make it suitable for a bunch of 8 and 9 year olds?

I am pretty laid back about what I let my own kids watch. Because I know them. I would not be allowing a group of other people's children to watch age inappropriate films without checking with the parents.

Maybe the father is a bit like myself, and has been able to "handle" certain films and themes from a younger age so doesn't quite understand why it might be really bad for other kids.

Oh please. Being exposed to a load of inappropriate films at a young age does not mean you’re made of sterner stuff than the rest of us. As a child you’re not aware of the subtle effects of being exposed to extreme violence at an age when you can’t fully understand or contextualise it. No 9yo’s brain is ready for that sort of thing, no matter how mature they might seem on the surface. And if the father in this case doesn’t understand that, he shouldn’t be in charge of children.

My friend said her son (then aged 9) had an 18 game, and I said I did not want DS playing it.

She put it on for her son after I had left, saying to my DS "oh, your mum says you can't play this so you'll have to watch [name of her DS] play instead".

I was absolutely livid and it changed our friendship.

So op, YANBU.

I am outraged that they would exclude your son in this way, that sounds absolutely awful for him. How is he today? I can't believe an adult would be so horrible.

I kinda get what @FrothyB is saying. DD is 5 and loves films like Nightmare Before Christmas, Jurassic Park, Goosebumps, Monster House etc but I would have been creeped out and kept awake by some of them at 11.

I can watch loads of horror now including TV shows but I still can’t watch The Witches 😂

Yeah I’d be really cross too, but also thanking my lucky stars that you actually got the call. I would have been furious if another parent had made my DD watch it.

But I think people also don’t understand the difference in ratings. A lot of it is to do with intent and as PP said things that young minds can’t handle.

So with a U there can be mild swearing (e.g shit in E.T.) but the intent is not aggressive so it has a lower rating.

With violence there’s a lot the BBFC consider:
What is the overall attitude of the film towards violence?
What is the dramatic context of the violence?
Is the violence perpetrated by the hero or villain?
Are there consequences or rewards for the violence?
How is the violence treated?
Is there undue emphasis on weapons?
Is it prolonged?
Are there frequent close-ups?
Is it stylised eg slow motion, soundtrack, editing, and do these techniques accentuate the images or restrain their impact?
How much do we see of process, e.g. blows, bullet impacts, blood spurts, etc and effects, e.g. injuries, bodies, forensic detail etc?
What is the viewer’s relationship to what is shown?
Do we identify with victim or aggressor?
Are we repelled or excited by the violence?
What is the power relationship between victim and aggressor?
Is there an element of torture/sadism?
Does the amendment to the Video Recordings Act apply (harm to viewer or to society through viewer’s behaviour)?

This just gives you an example of how it can be quite nuanced but realise the difference in what can make something appropriate or not.

Technically he has broken the law! I am in my 50s and still hate Horror films . I would be very surprised indeed if none of the other children were not upset . You have every right to be upset !

I kinda get what FrothyB is saying. DD is 5 and loves films like Nightmare Before Christmas, Jurassic Park, Goosebumps, Monster House etc but I would have been creeped out and kept awake by some of them at 11.

That’s not really the point, though; it’s not just about whether the kids will enjoy the film or not. As MiddleClass said above, it’s about how the violence is presented and contextualised; in this case, you’ve got a bunch of 9yo boys looking at images of a grown man attacking young women and girls in a particularly violent and possibly sexualised way. And you can bet that some of the boys laughed and cheered at those scenes, because that’s what young boys do. It’s not their fault, but there’s no way they should be exposed to that sort of material presented as pure entertainment, at an ages when they do not understand the wider context of it.

YANBU. I've taught kids that age and had reports of one of them crying at a CBBC show (along the line of goosebumps) that was shown during wet play once (I wasn't in school that day). It wasn't put on for the class again.

Some kids that age would be traumatised by watching an actual adult horror film. And I'd bet you some of the seven didn't want to watch the film either, but peer pressure is a very powerful force.

I bet the dad is going to have a lot of pissed off parents complaining, sounds like he's not asked permission from any of them. My DD at that age would have watched it, then had nightmares for weeks after.
Totally out of order to even consider the film, and definitely out of order to send your poor boy home so he could put it on!

@Jinxed2 lack of parenting is more apt!!!

I'm easy on horror films for my kids. My 7 and 9yo are big fans of the genre. However, I think putting an 18 rated film on for 9yo's THAT AREN'T BLOODY YOURS is beyond stupid and inappropriate!
So because you want to spare your kid the nightmares, the dad has basically singled your kid out and effectively excluded him. He could easily have found an alternative for one night. No doubt when the kids go home and tell their parents they watched Slenderman he'll be getting it in the neck or his child will miss out when all future invites are declined.

My own DSis would turn purple at the thought. She won't even have Casualty on tv when her kids (6 & 8) are in the room because "there's too much shouting". She was visiting with DNs once and there was some random Marvel film on in the background. Maybe Spider-Man? And she made me turn it off because the 8yo didn't like the 'fighty angry bits'

Oh and Slenderman is pretty shit too so it wouldn't have even been worth all the crap that the dad is going to get. Yeah it's got scary bits which could upset kids but as a movie on the whole? Bloody awful.

@AppropriateAdult lol you do realised you used my two posts against each other 😁

Ah well MiddleClass, even a stopped clock etc

Wasn't the piece of thrash who murdered Alesha Mcphail obsessed with Slenderman.
It will never be watched in this house.

I'd be horrified if any of my dc watched that film!

No one in my family likes horror & I'll be honest I'm a bit suspicious of people who enjoy it (but that's not for this thread).

Be glad your ds didn't have to sit through it. I expect the father will be in for numerous complaints!

@EmeraldShamrock yes! There was that girl who just went to prison because she became obsessed with the slender man and murdered another child!

I'd be fuming if I found out they had watched that at a sleepover. It's a 15 for a reason! Maybe 13 year olds can watch it but never under that!

There's thousands of films 8-9year olds could have watched instead of that

I'd be livid if anyone tried to pull a stunt like that. There is this common theme I've seen lately of parents letting children who are far too young access to material they shouldn't be allowed. My exes son was shown Stranger Things at 9 - which was bad enough (and by his mother, he's since had horrific nightmares) but the real WTAF moment was when exes sister allowed her FIVE YEAR OLD to watch Deadpool. Which is an 18.

Sadly some of my 9 year old son's friends have watched Deadpool.

Because it's funny people think it's fine for kids!