Horror Movie at 9yr Olds Birthday Party?!

[FixItUpChappie]

Just wondering if I've handled this alright.....

My just turned 9yr old headed to friend birthday party tonight. Just prior to the party another parent told me their son wasn't going because he had told his mum they would be watching the horror movie "Slender Man". - which I think is 18+ in the UK.

So I asked the dad at drop off if this was true as I would pick our son up prior to if that was the case....nope he says, no worries - his son told kids that but he hadn't passed it by his parents. Not to worry he said.

Got a text 1hr later saying that all the other 7 kids were disappointed they couldn't watch the horror movie so he was going to put it on, so I could come pick son up. Which I did.

I was clearly annoyed when I picked son up. Told the dad I wish we had known in advance because we would have just declined the invitation and pointed out it put our son in a very awkward, difficult position.

Son crying second he hit the car not understanding why they didn't just watch a different movie instead of putting something in which meant he had to go home . Good point IMO.

I took my son for ice cream and had a heart to heart about how he may be upset but his father and I will prioritize our values and beliefs about what is best for him because he is our greatest love and responsibility. He seems hurt and confused.

Am fucking fuming with this dad and my kid will never go over there again not just because of the movie but to single out one child and choose a movie over their feeling well he can fuck right off - am I totally unreasonable in this thinking? Am I in la la land thinking horror movies for 9yr olds is not a typical thing and other parents are going to be unpleasantly surprised? What would you lot have done?

Dad did not ask anyone - did not ask me. I only found out because another child mentioned to his mum it being discussed at school.

Because they weren’t originally going to watch it so there was nothing to discuss?

Oof, no, I wouldn't be happy with my nearly 11 year old watching that either.

It's like something my 15 year old would watch but she likes scaring the shit out of herself

Sorry my husband incorrectly told me the rating was 18 - though 15 makes it little better for me tbh. Children at this age cannot accurately distinguish reality from fantasy.....my son still believes in Santa for example. I would never, never subject him to this kind of subject matter at 9yrs old or 10yrs old for that matter.

That parent is an idiot. And child sound sounds spoiled if father cant avoid certain inappropriate films. I would be livid. You are right to avoid them in future. Well done for telling him how awkward it is for you and your son.

Did it not occur to the parent that if the only 2 parents who knew about this did not want their child to watch it then he shouldn't be permitting any of them to watch it?!

I would have put on a much more bansl film at this age - eg James and the Giant Peach, The Lorax

Neither of those films are banal.

But yes I’d have put a more suitable film on!

My daughter is 8 and she would be terrIfied. (I had a thread on here about her refusal to go on a school trip to see Jurassic Park a few months ago). Film certificates are there for a reason. There's plenty of PGs (or 12s at a stretch after asking fellow parents).

I watched and read horror from 8/9 but this movie is not at all appropriate, especially given the context of the case in America. If they wanted to watch horror there are plenty of films that could have potentially fit under that umbrella but been more age appropriate. Maybe Hocus Pocus or Coraline etc.

Do you know any of the other parents well? I would be texting them to check if they knew

Completely inappropriate to show a 15 horror film to 8/9 year olds and I can bet they weren't all aware...

Sorry your ds had to go through a crappy time because that Dad was an idiot

Is there a mother in this case? Just curious?

I was quite cross when grandparents of a child I don't know well allowed their granddaughter's 12 year old friends (including my dd) to watch a horror movie at a party. Let alone 8-9 year olds. Dd had nightmares afterwards.

My just turned 9y old would be petrified if he saw that movie. We've only just got him to stop coming in our bed when he has a nightmare and he still has to have a light on. His older brother has slept in a dark room with the lights closed since a baby and would watch virtually anything and be totally unmoved. It really depends on the kid. The fact is though thats its up to the parents to control and monitor this and I'd be fucking furious if anyone showed either of them a horror film without asking me first. What an idiot he is. Everyone knows you err on the side of caution with other people's kids. I had a load of 8y olds turning 9 round recently and they watched Toy Story 4!

Wow! My DS has just turned 8, so not much younger. I was worried when he came home recently and mentioned slender Man. I didn't even want scary stuff like that discussed at school. His friends had scared him and he couldn't sleep that night for fear that Slenderman would get him. The thought that he would go to someone's house and actually watch the damn film horrifies me. He'd be terrified after seeing that. 8 and 9 is way too young (mine still only watches Us and PGs - and even some of those are a bit much sometimes)

Consider yourself and your DD lucky that you knew and removed him from the party on time. Other children and their parents have not been so lucky.

Commonsensemedia says:

Parents need to know that Slender Man is a horror movie based on a popular internet meme (a "creepypasta") about a faceless monster that steals kids. It has unsettling, nightmare-like imagery that flashes by quickly, as well as jump scares, teens in peril, and teen girls being grabbed and choked. Black claws also burst out of a teen girl's swollen belly, and there are suicide attempts. A fast-paced, strobe-like sequence could be difficult for those with photosensitivity and has prompted some theaters to post warnings. Language includes uses of "st" and "damn" and one use of "fk." Teens kiss briefly on a couch but are interrupted. There's a suggestion of teens watching porn and a mention of teen pregnancy

The suicide references alone make this a nope for any kids of mine to watch it. Also the reviews slate it.

I have a 9 year old, she would not cope with movies like that. You absolutely did the right thing that's so irresponsible!

I’m quite relaxed about age ratings for example DS2 has been watching Jurassic park since he was 5 as he is obsessed with dinosaurs. He also loves all the marvel superhero films. But I wouldn’t let any of his friends watch them without asking permission first.
I won’t let them watch anything with real life type sinister scary stuff in it or sex etc

DD has a sleepover when she was about 10 and they wanted to watch a film that was a 12 I think but I said no as I hadn’t asked everyone’s parents so to watch something else.

There are plenty of horror films that are a 12a and kids specific ones that are PGs. Jaws was only upgraded PF to 12a 7 years ago.

Although I was probably around 8 when I watched an 18 (family party with older kids) I wouldn’t let DD as there are plenty of films in lower age ratings that can creepy and scary without the adult themes that come with 18s.

When my eldest was 11 he was desperate for a Bond themed party and wanted everyone to watch Skyfall, which is a 12.

I texted every single parent ahead of time asking them if they were OK with it, and making it clear that if they weren't that was fine and they'd just watch one of the others instead. And that was with children just a year younger.

There is no way anyone should be showing 18 movies to a 9 year old. Calling you to remove your child is no excuse. Yes I'd be furious and there is no way my child would be setting foot in the house again. I wonder what the parents of the other children who stayed think - bet they'll be livid too.

Neither of those films are banal.

I think PP meant benign.

I'd write a note for the teacher on Monday so she/he is aware that some teasing might occur and also the kids may be scaring their other class members with recaps of the plot. You absolutely did the right thing and well done for throughly explaining to your son your reasoning! I'd also be tempted to get him something he has been asking for or a special trip so if he does get teased on Monday he can reply with "well instead I got XYZ instead of seeing a crappy movie".

Maybe the father is a bit like myself, and has been able to "handle" certain films and themes from a younger age so doesn't quite understand why it might be really bad for other kids.

I'm not saying what he did was right, far from it. If a child of mine had shown interest in a specific film that was 15/18, I would possibly let them watch it, with me, not with a group of other children.

I watched Jurrasic Park at 5, my favourite scene being where the Lawyer got eaten whilst on the toilet. I'd seen Terminator, Predator and other action movies by the time I was 10. From the age of 10-13, a friend and I would alternate houses to sleep at, we would go to the nearby Video rental place and either his Mum or mine would rent out the 2-3 films we'd selected that week, starting off with 15's, then when it was shown we could handle the material, we were allowed 18's.

My point being, it's not totally wrong to allow kids to watch/play things they are under the age limit of, if the child in question is mature enough to be able to process the content. In this instance, your son didn't object to watching the film, you did, and the Father respected your request by calling you to collect your son so that he didn't watch it.

He probably should have picked a different film, but then there will always be someone unhappy with something.

Totally unacceptable to show anything above a PG at a 9yo birthday party.

@frothyb that would be a possible excuse if the film was shown spur of the moment without other parents being consulted. But the father told OP the film would not be shown then sent the kid home rather than telling his own child no. There is no excuse for that.

Some people’s parenting absolutely baffles me! YANBU

I think it’s a really shitty call on the dad’s part. I have a just 9yo. There’s no way I’d treat any of his friends like this.