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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to hate after school routine?

71 replies

Mcbj86 · 19/10/2019 23:40

I reduced hours at work to finish early for the school run, I imagined my DC skipping out to see me, relaxing with home work, making a leisurely tea etc... (DC are 6, 4, 2)
In reality, they come out of school, ask whats for tea, guarenteed one starts sulking. Come home throw their reading folders down, scatter theid uniforms around the house while getting changed, demand food, eat tea, too tired to do homework, watch tv, argue with each other, bath, bed for 7pm.

They have tea at 4pm. A lot of people give their DC a snack but surely this spoils their appetite? (Examples of snacks welcome)

Any advice welcome because I clearly have not fugured this after school thing out

OP posts:
angelikacpickles · 19/10/2019 23:44

Why are they having their dinner at 4pm? Give them a snack when they get in and dinner at normal time.

7salmonswimming · 19/10/2019 23:46

That sounds about right actually. They’re only little.

I do give a snack: after a full day at school, and a good and balanced packed lunch, I let them eat a little of what they want. Normally, it’s fruit, or dried mango, or maybe a couple of biscuits or some popcorn. They read, chat, fiddle with toys until about 5pm. They’ve recharged by then, so time to tackle homework. At that age, 1 hour is plenty for reading / instruments / dance practice, including nagging and arguing and bickering. Into the bath at 6pm, dinner at 6.30, bed at 7.30, lights out by 8.30.

That’s 3 or 4 days out of 5. One day has swimming. One will normally degenerate into irredeemable arguing and frayed tempers and an early bedtime.

School is full-on at that age. I really don’t believe in over scheduling and think children need to be left alone for a while, after a whole day of structure and instructions.

morrisseysquif · 19/10/2019 23:47

Snack after school, play or a bit of tv until tea at 5ish.

Homework, reading, bath, bed,

Be consistent, kids love routine. Friday, do something different, treats, board games or go out for tea. Good behaviour in the week gets treats or the going out for tea.

Bouncebacker · 19/10/2019 23:56

Snack as soon as they are out of school - peanut butter toast / banana/ yoghurt / hot cross bun, biscuits etc - then dinner at 6pm or 6:30pm.

And you need to mix it up a bit, don’t go straight home, go to the park, library or museum some days, have other kids for play dates, and then swimming lessons / judo / gymnastics/ ballet etc on some days. We have three days with planned activities, one day for homework and one day free - and some days they sploge in front of screens, some days we do nice healthy robust stuff like crafts or baking or go to the beach or the woods.

But you aren’t alone, I do wonder if it’s worth it as it’s often not quality time. I now have after school care on two days - a childminder takes them to swimming lessons, and that’s a better mix for me. I work two long days and three shorter days

Bouncebacker · 20/10/2019 00:00

Mine are starving after school, so I feed them straight away which really helps, also they need some unstructured time after school everyday regardless of what else is planned - following rules at school all day is tough!

BrokenLogs · 20/10/2019 00:05

The hours between 3.30 and 6.30 were always shit.

They are hungry, tired and wired from their day. I'd send dh SOS texts every day. He'd come in at 7 and everyone would be calm and ready for bed.

I know he didn't believe me until he got sick once and the DC didn't know he was home in bed when we got home. He stealthy got to see the real routine!

4 pm is ridiculously early for tea. Our routine is snack while bath is running, play, then dinner at 6 and in bed for 7/8pm (4 and 8 yo)

MustShowDH · 20/10/2019 00:26

They're not called the 'Witching Hours' for nothing.

It's the worst time of day. I even prefer mornings to this.

My husband comes home at about 7:30 and we eat then, so I have to give snacks or DD would be a stroppy mess.

Grandmi · 20/10/2019 00:40

I am an oldie ie children late teens early twenties now ,but snack ,rubbish tv ,supper at530 ,bath ,pjs and a story ..asleep by 7 ! It does work :)

raspberryk · 20/10/2019 00:43

Yeah the after school hours are shit.
With really little ones I did used to do tea at 4, nothing wrong with that at all. Little one was bathed and in bed for 6/6.30 and the older one for 6.30/7.

FastAway · 20/10/2019 00:45

We get in at 315. Snack and chat about the day. Half an hour of IPad or screen time which takes us to 1600. Screens off and play together whilst I tidy and prep dinner. Dinner around 1700, then they tidy up their toys, then fruit in front of the TV. Upstairs at 1820 for bath, teeth, Pjs then DH comes home at 1850 and does books and bed whilst I do further tidying and cook our dinner.

This routine really works for us.... obv some nights we have clubs/play dates/childminder but the basic of half hour screen time then screens off then dinner seems to really help.

DippyAvocado · 20/10/2019 00:53

4pm seems really early for tea. Mine have a snack - biscuit and fruit, cheese and crackers etc and we eat about 6.30. I am slightly envious though. I can only pick up two days a week and we are almost straight off to brownies/dancing/swimming etc. Do you do any clubs? I wouldn't recommend for every day but once or twice a week can be fun for them and I generally find makes them too busy to squabble!

Dangermouse80 · 20/10/2019 01:06

Same ages here (6/4/2). After school / nursery tends to be a couple of hours of high demands!! Snack and tv / play for an hour or so. Dinner 6 ish then homework bath / showers and to bed for 8. Snacks tend to be cereal / toast or ice cream.

I find the process hard and confess a drink to wind down from work helps!!

raspberryk · 20/10/2019 01:07

6.30 is really late for children, at our after school club they have cleared away from dinner at 4.45. How will children settle to bed nice and early when they have a whole evening meal to digest?

For the 2 and 4 year old particularly 4 or 4.30 is a great time to eat, it means they don't need a snack and then refuse dinner because they're full from snack. I always found mine too hungry for a snack after school and it became the size of a meal. They can have a snack/supper later before bed if they need it, like milk and a banana.

Theresnobslikeshowbs · 20/10/2019 01:38

4pm is mega early for tea. Snack and tea between 5:30-7:00 worked for us depending on swimming, football, free evening etc.

Babynamechangerr · 20/10/2019 04:06

Mine gets back at 4pm, I put dinner on straight away to eat at 4.30. I find it better to do reading practice straight away when we get in (with TV conditional on her doing it) as otherwise she's too tired and it doesn't happen.

So dinner on, reading practice, eat dinner around 4.30. Then TV / play until 6pm, then bath and bed by 6.45 (toddler) 7pm 5 year old.

I don't think 4pm is too early, I think better to do early dinner then snack later if needed than visa versa, as I found if they had a snack they'd then not want dinner.

Penelopeschat · 20/10/2019 04:50

Reading before tv!
Can you do a piece of fruit, reading and ‘chores’ - uniforms away, bag ready for tomorrow all before tea. Maybe have tea at 5! And yes I found going to park with a snack en route home was ideal, then reading while I prepped tea, then relaxation hour with tv, books, games.

CheeryB · 20/10/2019 05:07

I am an oldie ie children late teens early twenties now ,but snack ,rubbish tv ,supper at530 ,bath ,pjs and a story ..asleep by 7 ! It does work
I too am an oldie and the exact same thing worked for me. They were so hungry when they got home they were quite ready for a proper meal - though mine finished school at 4pm so we weren't home till much before 5. I think we barely did snacks at all - only when no access to a proper meal. Eating any later than 6 would have had them hungry for an unnecessarily long time and going to bed on a too full stomach. Wouldn't have worked for us.

CrohnicallyEarly · 20/10/2019 07:15

We have a healthy snack on the way home from school, otherwise the older one just gets hangry. Home by 4, play/TV/craft (depending how grumpy we all are!) till 5, clear up so dinner can be served about 5:15. After dinner I will make an effort to do something with them, either playing or singing songs with the toddler or something. Then upstairs about 6 for a bath and bed. The elder one is allowed to play or read quietly in her room till I turn her light out about 7:30-8:00.

Tumbleweed101 · 20/10/2019 08:40

When mine were little they’d have early dinner - between 4-5pm and then bed for 7/7.30.

Miss having the quiet evenings lol. They are up as late as me these days now they are almost grown up.

dayswithaY · 20/10/2019 08:49

I used to feel like I was under house arrest or under a curfew as when I closed the door at 4pm, it didn't open again til 8am and I was trapped inside with the little monsters. However, what no one tells you is that your lovely quiet evenings - once they are in bed by 7pm - do not last forever. When you have teenagers evenings are a noisy, crowded, mess. Especially at the weekends. The joy of settling down to watch TV at 9pm in a silent house is a distant memory. I have to get up very early now to get some peace.

Bigregrets19 · 20/10/2019 08:50

When ds was younger he would have a snack.. Fruit or a biscuit whatever
Tea at 6pm

EleanorReally · 20/10/2019 08:55

We used to watch children's tv together
but i do remember the stress aside from that,
it was better if we could walk home - took half an hour at least
snack
and rustle up a meal quick or fend off the baying hungry mob while cooking

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 20/10/2019 09:01

My daughter is 7 and luckily we have a park close by ish. I pick her up at 3.20 meet her with a drink and a snack .I carry it with me partly to engage her on the way home and partly shut her up moaning cos she loves school and never wants to leave.So its a distraction method really! Then we go to the park for a 10 min run around.A bit of fresh air after being in a stuffy over warm classroom works wonders with her,it sort of blows the cobwebs away if you like.Then home.We do homework then she can play whilst I do dinner.We eat about 6ish most days.Then shower then bed.If the weather is awful she will shove on her wellies and still play out in the gardens at home.She is an outdoor girl and she has a summer house thing in our garden.This has been a god send.She can have her things in there and even if she is on her own she is safe and happy playing in her house!

Iggly · 20/10/2019 09:04

Tea at 4pm? That’s just a headache.

I’d give a snack and small dinner.

SparkyBlue · 20/10/2019 09:09

I hear you OP. I imagined the same as you but there is usually fighting and drama. We have dinner around 5.30 or 6 as we wait for DH to come home and try as much as possible to all eat together but to be honest I am thinking of bringing dinner for the DC to an earlier time to avoid too much snacking.