Aibu to hate after school routine?

[Mcbj86]

I reduced hours at work to finish early for the school run, I imagined my DC skipping out to see me, relaxing with home work, making a leisurely tea etc... (DC are 6, 4, 2)
In reality, they come out of school, ask whats for tea, guarenteed one starts sulking. Come home throw their reading folders down, scatter theid uniforms around the house while getting changed, demand food, eat tea, too tired to do homework, watch tv, argue with each other, bath, bed for 7pm.

They have tea at 4pm. A lot of people give their DC a snack but surely this spoils their appetite? (Examples of snacks welcome)

Any advice welcome because I clearly have not fugured this after school thing out

littleducks you sound like me. People at work say youre so lucky leaving at 2.45....they don't realise what lies ahead for me for 3 hours though. i have always been career minded, my mum was a SAHM while dad worked. She loved picking us up, making tea, being in the kitchen for hours on end and appreciated the fact that it wouldn't last forver. I need a bit of that as I don't want to look back with regret.
My mum died young, before I had children so it the whole work / sahm things often leaves me conflicted

I am in a professional role but self employed and now work mostly mornings now to facilitate school pickup / homeworks etc - works ok for the kids but I do feel I get the raw end of both worlds - trying to squeeze a lot of work into a morning and also get the knackered / grumpy kids and all the mental load of squeezing in all the clubs... our routine goes roughly as follows:

Lift DD(4) at 2pm, go to shops for any bits needed and back to get DS(6) at 3pm, bring snack to school gate. One day we have swimming lessons straight after school, other days we head home. Straight into homework, DD has homework every night due for the next day eg reading, sight words, handwriting etc. DS has one longer written homework due later in the week, spellings and reading every night due for the next day. Sending in a note to say homework not being done due to work commitments wouldnt work at all here, as the spellings and reading are tested at the end of the week, for example. Then once homework done I get on with tea and we eat about 5, and set aside a portion for DH to reheat (often he eats at work and just has a sandwich). Then its housework or any bath/shower thats needed, whilst the kids watch tv or colour etc. One night a week then we have beavers, and another night rainbows. One day after school DD does dance, but thankfully this is at school! Looking forward to adding in instruments at some point . I also do some volunteering with the school but this is mostly evenings. Kids to bed for 8pm here.

It's hard work and a lot of organisation - some evenings the kids are cream crackered but they do enjoy the extracurricular stuff. Weekends are sacred so we get all homework eg Fri for a Mon done on the Friday. I feel the kids have benefitted and appreciate that I am lucky to be able to schedule my time this way being self employed

My son is at after school club every day so I have to cram in from 6pm onwards. So it’s a snack, soon followed by dinner, he has a bit of chill out tv whilst I cook, quickly followed by homework, shower, 10 minutes more chill out and bed by 8.30! I’m shattered by the end of it but have to tidy, prep lunches for us both for the following day, get uniform out ready etc. My feet don’t touch the floor, so I wish I could get home for 3.30 just so we could take things more slowly!

This is one of the many reasons I work FT. CM collects DS1 (7) and feeds DS1 and DS2 (3). They are dropped to me at 6pm. Biscuit and a drink IF they’ve done good eating for CM, otherwise fruit and a drink. Reading and spellings immediately whilst DS1 potters around, playing. 20 minutes screen time then up for bath. Milk and stories for both (DH and I divide and conquer most nights). All tucked up for 8. Come down and eat with DH. Means I get enough time to find out about their day (amazing what they’ll chat about when confined to the bath for 20 minutes) and generally get the nice bit without charging around doing two meals. They also eat a much much wider variety of food for CM...

It's fine that they are tired and grumpy and they will massively appreciate that you were there, long term.

If you don't like this routine, change it. We would go home via the park on fine days. Then get in, give them a snack and go through school bags for letters, forms, invites, homework diary check etc while eating snack. Then they watch TV or played for an hour while I made their proper tea (If they squabbled I said: you can either stop fighting right now or you can each play in separate rooms but no telly. They always stopped fighting.)
After tea they did homework, then bath and storytime, cuddles and bed.

Healthy snacks:
chunks of chopped fruit (apple, pear, banana) or carrot sticks. Cream cracker or rice cake or breadsticks or rich tea biscuit or small pot of freshly popped popcorn (not the toffee kind). Glass of milk or if very cold weather cocoa or hot milk with vanilla in.

Oh god I'm the worst parent ever. We both work full time, typically the older one does two hours wrap around. Home for 5.45 if we are lucky, 6.30 if I am picking both up. It's usually TV and toys whilst I/DP make dinner, a messy dinner and a negotiated bath and bed - we generally squeeze in writing and reading with a tried resistant child. Bed by 8.30 on average...too late but I just don't know how to change it.

Mine came home and had squash and a biscuit or cheese and crackers then we had dinner at 6.30. They'll be hungry in the night if you feed them so early. My youngest always fell asleep watching tv after school for an hour or so whereas eldest would want to read to me even at 4

@raspberryk

We believe it is really important to eat as a family. My kids ate dinner at 6.30 from when they could sit in a high chair. We still eat at 6.30 and dd is at university! Don't understand the bed at 7 either. 9pm worked for us, they slept until 7.45am or so

@stucknoue
I don't understand bedtime at 9pm for tiny children, mine were ready for sleep at 6 & 7 and slept til anytime between 7 & 8.30, they wouldn't have stayed awake til 9 and I don't know anyone who has children under 11 that stay up that late.
You can still eat together early I would just have a snack and a coffee and my meal in peace after they were asleep.
I really value my evenings by myself, to study, relax, do housework, and to spend time with my partner.

Depends on the DC the sleep thing...just like adults. DS1 has never needed much sleep. Bed at 8, sleeps until 6 or 6:30. If we could get up at 7:30 then he could go to bed at 9 and all would be fine. If he goes to bed at 7 he’ll be bouncing around his room at 5:30...which doesn’t work for us.

No one else gives the kids a bag of crisps after school or a
Mini roll?! Riiight.

OP, you do not see the best of your kids after school, they are knackered from behaving and listening/ learning all day. Lower your expectations.

Focus on having a good enough weekend/ holidays. After school time is bollocks. All these people eating dried mango and practicing the chello are full of it. Just do your best and be kind to them and yourself after a day at work/ school.

*cello

I don't know any y6 in bed before 8. My kids would have lights off at 8:30 and asleep by 9. They'd wake up about 6:30-7 which is perfect for school days.

After school routine is eat/drink when they get it. Followed by chill out time and dinner at 6-6:30 ish. Homework after dinner.

My kids are now teens and still crazy after school. They literally get in and go nosing in the fridge for food.

No one else gives the kids a bag of crisps after school or a
Mini roll?! Riiight.

Tons of posters have said they give biscuits/crackers? Much the same really!

@7salmonswimming.

There's something unique about the way you write. It's crisp, surprising and also deeply soothing.

I really enjoy the after school hours. I only have one school aged DC (5) though, plus a 3yo and a baby.

My tips are

• Snack as soon as you pick them up (we have a little park by the school so eat and play there after pick up)
• Get supper ready the evening before so you are on hand for homework help/brokering sibling fights
• Homework as soon as you get in then TV before supper. No screen time after
• Early supper (though yours is very early - we eat around 5)

I do early supper because they always play best after they’ve eaten. That’s also why I do homework and TV time before the meal, though they don’t always ask for TV so that’s maybe 2 afternoons a week.

But I also agree with PP not to expect too much of them. Sometimes we do a bit of craft or science experiment or something if I’ve spotted something I want to do with them but mostly I think these hours are for free play and for reconnecting - lots of cuddles, hand holds, etc. Get them giggling with silly games/songs etc to help them release the stress that has built up during the day.

@Snowfalling

I asked my DC at dinner just now (we’re not in the UK) if they find my style crisp or soothing. Much scoffing and guffawing around the dinner table from them and DH Thanks!

@MustShowDH They're not called the 'Witching Hours' for nothing.

Uh, they're not called the witching hours at all. The witching hour is in the early hours of the morning...

That's what I thought until I had a child.
Now I know of the 'other' witching hours!

It is tough, especially with the three of them. You are probably also feeling tired and rushed from work. I used to work part time in order to pickup ds from school and I remember how fraught it was at times, and I only had the one child!
Now our routine is different but looks like this.
Pick up ds8 from after school club and toddler from childminder, home by 6. Ds8 gets a snack, (not always a healthy one ) and screen time (has to start with mathletics/time tables, then can play what he wants) while I bathe and put ds1 to bed (he eats with his childminder. By 7 screens are off ds1 eats his dinner while I have a cuppa and we chat about our day. If dh is home we all eat together at this time. Dinner done by 7.30, then homework (spelling and extra handwriting practice for 15-20 min max) then shower and bed by 8. He does his reading in bed with one of us there then we read him a story. His lights are off by 8.20-8.30.

It is abit late, he is tired but I can’t fit it all in otherwise. i have to wing it abit. Sometimes I don’t manage to bathe the baby (if I cook a more hearty meal), sometimes I bathe him but then only manage fish fingers for dinner. Sometimes the older one is really chatty, rather than rush it along for his shower, he will have his shower in the morning etc.

It’s a constant juggling act, but everyone fed and no one dead is my motto some week nights.