Written off at age 9?

[Notcool1984]

Feel so bad for my DS. After years of shyness he has suddenly decided he wants to try some sports clubs and even start competing (no idea where it’s come from!), but it seems at age 9 he has no chance. The sports he wants to try, tennis and football, have pathways locally and by age 9 the level you need to be at is much higher than complete beginner. He likes swimming and climbing but those are individual sports (swim clubs here are v competitive to get into) and I feel so bad for him. Already the school sports are making selections and same names again and again get picked. Feel like as his confidence suddenly builds he has been left behind :(

Martial arts are a fantastic idea as people join as beginners at all ages

He could try cricket. If he starts with some winter training now he might well find him self in with a chance at a u10 team place next summer.

You question, where his enthusiasm has suddenly come from. Maybe it is because it is something he heels he needs to do as opposed to wants to do?

Personally I would advise ultimate frisbee!

I second (third? Fourth? Fifth?) the recommendation for martial arts. Really good confidence booster and lots of people only start at your son's age.

Tennis is certainly not written off at this age.
He's not, however going to jump straight into a team because that would be miserable for him, and not fair on the opponents.

I played a lot, and still play. I have had success at the local level and play currently for the club teams when I can.
When I was at school, I was often asked why I was so good at tennis (despite being hopeless at other sports).My answer always was that I played a lot. From about age 8 I played 5+ times a week all year round. Yes, I was probably better than average naturally, but the playing a lot took me from being okay to being good.
When playing at school I was often playing against people who played 1-2 times a week through the summer term. Naturally I was going to be better.

But over the years I have seen many people start at various ages-yes even taken up in retirement and achieve a reasonable standard.

If he wants to be good in tennis join a club-both of you. Let him do a coaching session once a week (if you can afford 1-2-1 it will make more difference) to get the technique and invest in a basic bucket filled with (decent) tennis balls. Take him out over the weekend and throw balls at him. 1 bucket forehand, 1 backhand, 1 alternate, 1 volleys, 1 coming into the net (ie 1 baseline, 1 service court, 1 volley), 1 bucket of serves. Do this every weekend when possible throughout the winter. I can't say he will get a team place (or even if the club has teams) next season, but he will be beginning to play a reasonable game.

Tennis is a game that you are not going to start today and (usually) play a full game tomorrow. Many children give up, ironically often the sporty ones, because they expect to walk on, slog the ball and be able to play a game. It feels that you're so far away from a full game at the beginning as there's so much to learn. There still is for me, nearly 40 years after I started, I can still learn new techniques both in court positioning and shots.

The club I played in as a child, my coach used to tell this story. There were a group of teens that came down to play a lot throughout the year, the aim being for fun rather than great tennis. They varied from good downwards and the worst of them was Sam Thompson. Sam started coming down on his own. He'd just come down to the court with a bucket of balls and hit balls across the court, serves, forehands, etc. if if there was no one else there. If anyone came down and was waiting for a partner to turn up, he'd ask them if they would mind having a quick hit with him.
Sam Thompson was men's champion for 20+ years at the club. He didn't have brilliant technique as he'd taught himself, but he had a great game.

Parkruns/ junior parkruns are as (un)competitive as you want them to be, and the great thing for kids is that it's against a much more open pool of participants than school sport where rankings get quite fixed. Some running clubs have junior sections too for a greater social side.

I've got two, one more sporty than the other. I'm relieved that the sporty one is happy with the school football training (along with martial arts, swimming and parkruns) and not clamouring to play in a club like half the school as it is quite an immersive, committed lifestyle with the training and matches that take great chunks out of the weekend.

Different clubs/ sports will have different levels of openess to new participants, so keep looking.

What about athletics, a wide variety of sport in one place. Lots of clubs don't let you join till his age.

Also, one on one swimming lessons can be a game-changer.

Have you considered fencing? My ds was 10 when he started and although he was never particularly sporty he very soon started competing locally, not a team sport in that they fence individually but entered as a team.

Is there a bmx club near to you? You can start at any age and have as good a chance as any as becoming top of the game. Equally the kids have such a good time with each other that even if they are not the best they will still enjoy competing.

Hockey, rugby, cricket and tennis where I live are super-inclusive. DH coaches rugby for U12’s and they have newbies every term. The RFU says kids of all abilities must get a chance. There are usually epic bacon sandwiches on a Sunday morning!

Wow OP, you are very negative!
Most sports are open to all levels and ages. It's about finding the right one. Football, there are countless teams and divisions.
Rugby, my DD started playing at 14, she has slow, steady progress.
Martial arts, our local club has newcomers from age 4 - 40+!

Whatever he does, it has to be fun first. The competing and winning comes through enjoyment, talent and total commitment. The sooner you and your DS understand that, the sooner he will be able to enjoy a sport....

My DS sounds very similar at present he has no interest in team sports because of shyness and the fact that he judged himself as not as good as the other children In my area they run a inclusive football team maybe see if that offered in your area

Squash is a fun one if you can find a good junior club.
Orienteering
Karate - you go for grades when you are ready and the family groups are great (you could do it too...)
Climbing clubs, I've found the bouldering to be more social.
Any athletics places doing kids clubs?
Badminton is one they tend to grow into and the club near us is really positive with all abilities.

I'd recommend martial arts too - great for fitness and confidence, plus you can grade/compete when you are ready.

My ds decided he wanted to join a football club age 9 or 10. The other boys had all been playing since they were tiny, never passed him the ball and were pretty horrible to him. The coach (parent of a player) turned a blind eye and made no attempt to get the boys to pass to him. Football was also regularly banned at playtime at ds' primary school because of the nastiness it caused.

DS does football and has for years but really is only fairly mediocre. It’s so popular it’s very hard to excel and the culture with overinvested parents can be quite harsh. I’d not recommend it as a sport to get into at that age.

Find a local athletics club maybe if he likes running? Have found ours very supportive.

I personally find the whole atmosphere around football locally so competitive and toxic from such a young age I have avoided it.

Have a look for any hockey locally and our local cricket place doesn’t start their juniors until 9 or 10.

If you can afford private tennis lessons a nine year old will catch up reasonably quickly to their peer group who have been having group lessons

Cricket’s a good one, and no need to be that physically fit compared with some other sports

My DSS started playing rugby at 10 and if you turn up on match day, you play at least part of each game.

I second the advice about looking for different football clubs. Nine is absolutely not too late for football.

We have two kids clubs within a mile of each other here, taking kids from the same area and the same range of schools, each runs 2-4 teams at each age group plus training sessions.

One has a minimum standard and has been known to tell kids they have to leave if they're not keeping up. The other (my son's) has a completely different policy, particularly for his age group, and welcomes kids at all levels.

The teams can be assigned to different levels in the local leagues so the A team is full of very keen focused kids who have good skills, and the C or even D team some years has the newbies (but also kids who've been playing for years but just aren't quite as fired up or skilled, but who still enjoy it).

The different teams compete against teams of a corresponding level of ability from other local clubs, in the local youth league, so everyone gets to compete, not just the best footballers.

Mine will never be a star but still enjoys it. Kids come in to one team and some quickly move depending on ability, but if they don't it doesn't matter.

Have a good look round and talk to the coaches/contact people for your son's age group to find one that will be welcoming to a newbie.

As others say, it depends on the club. You might be able to find a not too pushy one locally, but not always.

As Witchend says, success and progress is pretty much entirely depend on practice. Yes, some kids have natural talent, but that isn't what gives them the stamina and emotional resilience to compete, lose, make mistakes and carry on.

I think encouraging him to choose one sport and investing in to some 1:1 lessons is a great idea. With the understanding that progress will depend on his commitment to practicing every day (or thereabouts).

At 9, he will be able to progress much faster than when he was say 4 or 5 simply because he's older and stronger, and should really be able to see the difference quickly.

I had something similar with my 10 year old ds. He had a bad experience at a swimming lesson when he was 4 and it completely put him off. When we were on holiday when he was 9, he finally learnt to jump in the pool, still with him arm ready to catch the side and holding his nose.

But he had the bit between his teeth, which was what made the difference. I paid for half a dozen 1:1 lessons, he did a short 'crash course' in the summer and then his school amazingly took them swimming at the Olympic Park for 2 weeks every morning.

He is now a competent swimmer, who thinks nothing of diving into a 50m and swimming lengths. A year ago, he couldn't swim a stroke or cope with being out of his depth.

If your ds is ready to commit to practice, this is the route to go I would say.

Good luck.

I’d second hockey as being a fairly inclusive sport, whilst they do stream for competitions, most good hockey clubs have multi ability age groups that train together. If a child shows ability, that’s when it gets a bit more serious. Our eldest is 14 and plays to a high level (men’s 2s, county and is on the England pathway) but his friends, some of whom are beginners, all train in the hockey club’s badgers division, and seem to enjoy it. He’s been playing hockey since he was 6 though, and he's worked his arse off for 8 years to improve his game, combined with natural ability it’s meant he’s done well, but he also enjoys it - which is a huge thing, because it’s v hard to motivate a child who’s not 100% committed to get out in the cold, dark and howling rain to train and play in the winter otherwise.

Both boys play football too, and I agree that it’s fairly competitive at their ages (12 and 14) BUT these kids have been playing since they were 6 or 7, so it’s natural that it’s now competitive, that’s what they’ve been training for/playing towards for the last 7 years.

I think I’d be very honest with your son and explain to him that he can’t expect to be go straight into competitions with kids who have trained for the last X years, but he can find what he enjoys and work towards getting better at that sport. Once he finds what he enjoys, he can throw himself into it and compete if that’s what he’s working towards, or just enjoy playing/taking part. The competitions are the tip of the iceberg for most kids who play sport, what you don’t see are the hours of training and playing, the sacrifices they’ve made to get where they are, and the sheer hard graft they’ve put in.

I'd see if you've got a lacrosse club local to you. My (supposedly non-sporty) ds didnt start until he was 12 and really took to it. Now at 15 he plays for the county and is on the England academy.

I’d look at different sports like karate, athletics, cricket, basketball, rowing and look into climbing. My boys go to a climbing club that competes in all sorts of competitions, 9 is not too old to be starting out.

I know what you mean though, my youngest was selected for elite gymnastics age 5, he’s now in a squad but only about 5% of the squad progress to the next squad at age 8, the rest can continue to train but have to leave age 10. There’s not even a second squad they could go into, it’s heartbreaking for the boys that don’t make it. So even if they’re chosen for elite sports at an early age you can still be written off at a really young age.

My eldest quit gym but now are seeing youngest taking part in all sorts of cool stuff he wanted to go back but was too old at age 8, he’s started trampoline instead, he won’t ever be elite level but he enjoys it and gets to take part in some of the displays with his brother. He tried out for school cross country team and was beaten into third place right on the finish line. The boy who came 2nd got a place in the team, DS didn’t. The second place boy has places in school football team, swimming team, tag rugby team...

Climbing is a great sport, and as pp have said, very inclusive. My ds is very into it and didn’t start until he was 12. My other ds started hockey at 9 and there was loads of kids who had been playing for years but also lots of newbies. He is on the second team in his age division and really enjoys it. Martial arts are also good. Most swimming clubs have all abilities but he is likely to be in a training group with younger kids and not likely to be picked for galas against other boys who have been training several hours a week. If he just wants to train I don’t see the problem and by the time he is a teenager he could be out swimming others who started younger.

I would third (or fourth) martial arts. My 9 yo is very anxious and I was worried he wasn't active enough doing o ly the usual swimming lessons. He wasn't up for the usual sports so I enrolled him in a family martial arts class and started going with him myself.
The good thing is that it's a group activity but your progress can be individual within that, and the first belts are fairly easily achieved for most.
Ds isn't particularly sporty but he does well and the classes are physically demanding with a great club atmosphere.