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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour complaining about crying baby

88 replies

Thegracefuloctopus · 18/10/2019 19:24

We have recently moved into a 2 bedroom flat with a housing association. We are the top floor of 2. We have a DS who has just turned 1.

The week before we moved in, I ran into our downstairs neighbour who is an elderly lady, about 80ish give or take. She seemed OK, I introduced myself and said we would be moving in. I said to her "I apologise now for DS, he obviously cries a bit but he's growing through it and rest assured we are doing our best. We have had extra thick underlay and carpet fitted to try and insulate the sound as much as we can" she seemed friendly enough and said "that's OK, I have a great grandson who is 8 months so I understand". All seemed fine.

Fast forward to tonight. DH was walking up the stairs having been to the shop, introduced himself and said "hiya, I'm X, we live upstairs" she said "I know" through angry gritted teeth. He said "oh I'm sorry is something wrong, I know we have the baby..." "yes, I know" she said angrily. So DH says "I'm really sorry if you can hear him, we have been trying our best..." tries to politely explain that DS has been poorly etc. But she walks off.

Now, I understand babies can be loud and in a block of flats it is difficult. But, AIBU to think what the fuck does she expect us to do?!
DS is a fussy bugger, I'm the first to admit that he can be a bit of a shit sometimes. But, he Never cries at bedtime (at least not since we've been here so far) but IS an early riser (5.30am) being his latest. We have done all we can to try and change this but he just thinks it's party time. Once he's up he's fine. We have been very neighbour conscious and tried not to let him cry etc but sometimes you just can't get there straight away.
We also work and he is at nursery through the day so it's not like she hears it all the time.

We also happen to know the previous tennent of this flat who had 2 DC here who are both young.
The downstairs neighbour also gets noise from underneath her flat where some kids hang out but that's not our issue.

So who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Celebelly · 18/10/2019 19:27

There's nothing that can really be done. Babies cry. It's unpleasant being woken at 5.30am by crying baby that isn't your own (bad enough when it is your own!) but that's just part and parcel of life and living in a block of flats. If she wore earplugs and put some white noise on she probably wouldn't hear it anyway - doing this drowns out the v loud shrieks my own baby makes from another room when I'm having a lie in and DP is looking after her! There's not really anything you can do at this point.

LittleTopic · 18/10/2019 19:30

I don’t see anything that says she was necessarily complaining about the baby crying? Could your DH have misconstrued?

Maybe she knows who you both are and could, because of her age, be offended and think you’re reminding her who you are because you think she’s old and forgetful?

It sounds a little bit like you might be over sensitive to people criticising for a crying baby - have you maybe had issues before?

Obviously if she is actually angry about it then she is BU. I don’t love it when next door’s grandson screams at 3am but we have a baby too and you just have to get on with it.

virginpinkmartini · 18/10/2019 19:30

I missed the part where she complained? You pre-emptively apologised, and she didn't react the way you wanted, so you're asking if she's being unreasonable to have gritted teeth?

Marvinmarvinson · 18/10/2019 19:31

So she hasn't actually complained?

Chocolatelover45 · 18/10/2019 19:31

Did she actually complain about the baby though? Sounds as though she was annoyed but possibly about something else?
Seems you are doing all you can really anyway

NoSauce · 18/10/2019 19:32

You can hardly expect her to be happy at being woken up at 5.30am every morning.

I know it’s difficult and you’re doing everything you can but I think you need to be a little more understanding. Take her some flowers round and apologise, I bet she will stop with the face in future.

Original poster
Thegracefuloctopus · 18/10/2019 19:35

Fair play, yea she hasn't actually complained. It was deffinitly what she was alluding too though.
We have been very aware of baby crying and disturbing other people as that wouldn't be nice for anyone.
Having said that, unless we have the baby monitor on, we can't hear him from the next room so I'd be shocked if she could hear him enough to wake her up

OP posts:
littlepaddypaws · 18/10/2019 19:35

she doesn't like it but i guess you aren't thrilled about the crying either. earplugs, white noise always works for me, suggest it's worth her trying these if she says anything, an 8 month old ggs isn't going to be around her 24 / 7 so she's not used to it.

vraimentvraiment · 18/10/2019 19:35

I had a neighbour like this and would tiptoe around shushing DS and DD but in the end, they weren't crying excessively and were happy and healthy so just ignored the sarky comments every time we saw them. I'd rather that than pandering to the kids every need and they become clingy and won't be put down and they probably had a really quiet previous neighbour so it's a bit of a culture shock Just carry on being polite

motherheroic · 18/10/2019 19:37

Well a child doing 'party time' at 5:30am is going to annoy even the most tolerant of people I would think.

flipperdoda · 18/10/2019 19:37

As PP have said, she hasn't actually complained. She might have been annoyed about something else, she might have been in a rush and been accidentally rude, she might have been in pain... You just can't kbow but you're doing what you can so I wouldn't worry yourself unless she actually approaches you (and even then you can't change the noise, I'd just apologise again!)

Jollitwiglet · 18/10/2019 19:37

Well it's you both that keep bringing up the fact you have a noisy baby, she hasn't actually mentioned it.

RingPiece · 18/10/2019 19:38

Poor sound insulation is the issue here. I live above baby twins and when they scream I can hardly hear them and I have the hearing of a vampire bat, but when I walk past their flat door...bloody hell, the racket is eardrum piercing. Also, sound seems to travel better down than up.

But, yeah, your post doesn't read like she complained....

WhittlingIhopMonkey · 18/10/2019 19:39

Definitely what shes alluding to?!

Twice you have apologised to HER about a baby that she has never complained about, and now a second hand story from your DH about her gritted teeth has been catastrophised into something it isn't.

No one complained. Stop apologising to people for things you don't know they are upset about and stop catastrophising tones into complaints.

Your sleep deprived and your imagining beef that isn't there!

Expressedways · 18/10/2019 19:39

Hearing the neighbours is pretty typical part of living in a flat. I appreciate it must be really annoying for her but she needs to get earplugs or move to a detached house if she can’t stand hearing noise from the neighbours. As long as you’re rushing into his room as quickly as possible when he wakes and not doing CIO sleep training or anything like that then you really can’t do any more and you’re obviously not doing anything wrong or being unreasonable.

Maybe ask her if as a Grandmother she has any magic tricks to instantly stop a baby from crying?! Grin

Original poster
Thegracefuloctopus · 18/10/2019 19:41

Your sleep deprived and your imagining beef that isn't there!

I'm not sleep deprived. He's 1. I just go to bed earlier to compensate for the early wake up. But thanks for your rude comment.

I'm surprised that, already, some posters are being so rude. We have apologised in advance, yes, because that's polite, and letting her know we are aware and doing our best.

OP posts:
Venger · 18/10/2019 19:41

I bet she hasn't heard him at all and she's cross that the pair of you keep mentioning your noisy baby Grin

Let it go, OP. If she says something specific about the baby then deal with it as and when, in the meantime relaaaaaaaaaax.

Scarydinosaurs · 18/10/2019 19:41

She didn’t seek you out, and she never complained.

I wouldn’t worry about it.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 18/10/2019 19:42

The flat below us had a baby earlier on in the year, we're in a converted house so there's no sound protection at all. It really is very loud and we've often been waken up during the nights (I wear earplugs) and I work from home and can't concentrate sometimes because of the crying.

It's just one of those situations where nothing can be done unless we move (can't afford to right now) and it's a baby - they cry. It does disturb us a lot though so I do have sympathy for her.

I do agree with the other PP's though - it doesn't sound like she's actually complained.

plantainchips · 18/10/2019 19:43

she hasn’t complained

Original poster
Thegracefuloctopus · 18/10/2019 19:43

Maybe ask her if as a Grandmother she has any magic tricks to instantly stop a baby from crying?!
This is quite a good idea actually! If she does mention it just emphasise that I'm doing all I can and does she have any tips. Great idea!

OP posts:
HappyHammy · 18/10/2019 19:46

You're assuming she will complain. She might not so stop worrying.

Imonlymoominafterall · 18/10/2019 19:47

So just because you've apologised for waking her up at 5.30am every morning, she doesn't have the right to be pissed off? Fuck that, I'd be gritting my teeth too. Sorry not sorry.

Dustybun · 18/10/2019 19:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PoptartPoptart · 18/10/2019 19:49

“I'm the first to admit that he can be a bit of a shit sometimes”
YABU for this comment alone. Calling a 1 year old a bit of a shit? Nice.

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