Neighbour complaining about crying baby

[Thegracefuloctopus]

We have recently moved into a 2 bedroom flat with a housing association. We are the top floor of 2. We have a DS who has just turned 1.

The week before we moved in, I ran into our downstairs neighbour who is an elderly lady, about 80ish give or take. She seemed OK, I introduced myself and said we would be moving in. I said to her "I apologise now for DS, he obviously cries a bit but he's growing through it and rest assured we are doing our best. We have had extra thick underlay and carpet fitted to try and insulate the sound as much as we can" she seemed friendly enough and said "that's OK, I have a great grandson who is 8 months so I understand". All seemed fine.

Fast forward to tonight. DH was walking up the stairs having been to the shop, introduced himself and said "hiya, I'm X, we live upstairs" she said "I know" through angry gritted teeth. He said "oh I'm sorry is something wrong, I know we have the baby..." "yes, I know" she said angrily. So DH says "I'm really sorry if you can hear him, we have been trying our best..." tries to politely explain that DS has been poorly etc. But she walks off.

Now, I understand babies can be loud and in a block of flats it is difficult. But, AIBU to think what the fuck does she expect us to do?!
DS is a fussy bugger, I'm the first to admit that he can be a bit of a shit sometimes. But, he Never cries at bedtime (at least not since we've been here so far) but IS an early riser (5.30am) being his latest. We have done all we can to try and change this but he just thinks it's party time. Once he's up he's fine. We have been very neighbour conscious and tried not to let him cry etc but sometimes you just can't get there straight away.
We also work and he is at nursery through the day so it's not like she hears it all the time.

We also happen to know the previous tennent of this flat who had 2 DC here who are both young.
The downstairs neighbour also gets noise from underneath her flat where some kids hang out but that's not our issue.

So who is being unreasonable?

I don’t think people with children should live in flats

I think that's a bit unfair. She said she's HA, I'm sure they would of preferred a house but I doubt they had the option! Especially if they've just been homeless, they have to take what they're offered or they're intentionally homeless. Although since they both work I'm not sure why they don't get a private rental but that's not really the point.

Maybe she thinks you're patronising her by keep telling her you have a baby, like she said she knows. That's just a guess though it could be your child keeping her awake and you caught her in a bad mood. Just try to minimise it as much as you can. That's all you can do

"the lady should know better"
Than what?
She hasn't said a word and probably thinks the people upstairs are completely nuts because every time she meets them they go "hello old lady, are you pissed off about our noisy kid who's a bit of a shit and gets up at 5am"

She's old and grumpy and you're doing all you can (+ it sounds like your DS is actually not a particularly fussy baby) so it's all fine. Just don't give it another thought.

I don’t think people with children should live in flats. You chose to have a child she didn’t. Why should her peace and quiet be ruined.

What a ridiculous statement. If you lived in New York practically everyone lives in a flat with children, it's the norm.

A lot of young parents would like a house rather than a flat but they live where they can afford to live, it takes time to get enough money together for a house. Many people start off in a flat.

My first property was a very small, terraced house and people could hear my baby crying through the walls. Nobody complained because they had young kids and understood.

Maybe elderly people shouldn't live in blocks that also house young families.

I doubt the lady is kept up all day and all night. Perhaps she could move to a retirement flat - that's a thought, maybe the op and her husband could suggest that.

Nothing to see here!

I hear the baby next door cry. Didn’t when she was tiny, but she is about one now and it’s quite loud.

Doesn’t bother me at all can’t be helped.

Really bothers me when her parents wake me up shouting and singing and clamming doors though.

Poor kid, her parents are assholes😊

SHE HASN'T COMPLAINED!

I'm sorry love, but you are batshit. She hasn't complained. This is all in your head.

Maybe she’s fed up of hearing about the baby everytime she sees one of you. She may not even be pissed off with the noise.

Hi, we have a baby. Ok dear, that’s fine, I have a grandson.
The next day... hi! We have a baby. Ok I know that, thanks, I can see him right there, you don’t have to keep announcing him to the room.

I think it's natural that baby cry. But It's also natural that neighbours gets annoyed. So, I would just try to be as nice and friendly with them. If they like you, it's less annoying. Human nature.( Unless they are really horrible people.)

She’s gritting her teeth because you and your partner keep going up to her and telling her that you have a baby, every time you see her

She is not BU. She might have had a bad day or be annoyed about her sleep getting disturbed and getting more annoyed by feeling pressure from your DH to say it’s fine whilst it does bother her.

Just leave her alone, be friendly and say hello, but don’t pressure her to engage in any type of friendly conversation unless she initiates it.
And try to do anything you can to minimize the sound but it seems you are already doing that. Babies cry, it’s part of life

I think you need to get up as soon as he makes the slightest noise at 5.30. It's pretty early even for a baby. Could you adjust his bedtime to he goes an hour later? 6.30 doesn't seem so bad somehow.
I also don't think all babies cry lots - some do if they have reflux or they're unwell. But on the whole they can be settled/distracted.

Ffs dh didn't know I'd mentioned it, I didn't know he had. We thought we were being considerate.

I have acknowledged the fact that she hasn't complained directly about our child.

I don't announce DS to the room. He does that himself. He's loud, as babies are.

Men do get pnd

We are HA because our income is low but we both still choose to work because we don't want to sponge everything we can get. We needed to move as private LL sold up. Flat was the only option and we are very lucky.

We both like living in a flat. We are just as entitled to live here with a child as old lady neighbour who lives with her 40year old man child

We can hear her constantly slamming doors.

Thanks to those who have been friendly. I think my time on mn is up. This is the only place I've ever known someone to admit to something (on page one) and still be rinsed for it 3 pages in. I know she didn't directly complain. That was pointed out and I agreed.
I haven't picked an argument, I've responded to people who have replied. Still didn't call DS a shit to his face. he is a shit though

I also don't think all babies cry lots - some do if they have reflux or they're unwell.

Unfortunately, DS has been very unwell with relfux caused by a severe dairy intolerance. He was also hospitalised with flu the day before we moved here which started with a convulsion. All that and moving at the same time meant he has been particularly clingy here in fairness

OP don’t stress it. Go round with a bunch of flowers and say to her that you hope he’s not being too noisy. I’m sure she’d appreciate it.

thegracefuloctopus sorry to hear that. Hopefully once he gets better from flu he'll perk up?

Don't go around there with flowers or apologies or anything else. Please. Don't do anything, you're only to make it even more awkward. Just leave the whole situation be and if, at some point, she says something directly then address it.

Right. So you just wanted to slag off your ‘old lady’ neighbour. Nothing to do with your crying child at all then.

Why have so many turned against the op? She hasn't said anything horrible, she was just sharing that the elderly lady downstairs was fed up the noise and that she feels worried about her baby crying but knows that's what babies do and she can't help it.

It's not an uncommon scenario; op needs our support, not slagging off.

Sounds like you've had a rough year op. I sincerely hope things turn around now you're in a new home - you've not done anything wrong here so try not to panic about the neighbours being pissed off about noise. You're always going to hear some when you're in flats and I'm sure your neighbour realises that.

Why not take flowers round? The woman is being woken up at 5.30 every morning. It’s the least the OP can do. The lady sounds like she’s fed up with it.

So, your thread title is a lie, because she hasn’t actually complained, and you’re imagining she’s angry about your kid because he’s a crying nuisance.

Even if she is annoyed at having some random kid keep her awake, she’s entitled to be annoyed about it, and you should really count yourself lucky that she hasn’t actually complained because a lot of people do.

Why not take flowers round? The woman is being woken up at 5.30 every morning. It’s the least the OP can do. The lady sounds like she’s fed up with it

Because the neighbour hasn't said that she is being woken up at 5.30 every morning. She hasn't said she's heard the baby crying. She hasn't said she's been disturbed. She hasn't said anything specifically about the baby or any noise at all.

Popping round with flowers and an apology for the noise is a bit weird when there hasn't actually been an explicit complaint about the noise.

I don’t think people with children should live in flats

Ha ha ha ha ha! Colossally wanky and judgmental post. OP, keep doing your best, and stop apologising to your neighbour or anyone else for having children, who are—naturally—noisy.