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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I cancel?

78 replies

mamamasala · 18/10/2019 11:20

Right, so it's my son's birthday tomorrow. He's only 1. I have thrown a party. A shocking 16 out of the 30 invited have pulled out in the last 3 days. I'm so upset and the people coming now aren't really even my friends. They're family friends and more close to my parents. ALL MY FRIENDS HAVE PULLED OUT. It's embarrassing. Disheartening. I've bought food, drink etc. For 30. I've just had enough of shit friends. How do I make this a non embarrassing empty event? Or do I just carry on and hope it's okay?

OP posts:
Seaweed42 · 18/10/2019 11:26

Your son is only 1, so he won't care or will be asleep anyway. It's not that people don't care, it's that it's a 1 year old's birthday and they all might have things on.
I guarantee if you go on to have 2 more kids, you definitely won't be having a party for the other 1 year olds, and you won't be attending any 1 year old's parties either.
I get that it's a really big thing for you, but for other people they don't see it as a huge priority like an 80th. Try not to take it personally. Your friends do really care about you. If it were me I would carry on and enjoy the day and have some nice chats with the people who do come because any opportunity to have a social event is great when you have a small baby.

Original poster
mamamasala · 18/10/2019 11:28

I disagree. Friends who really care don't pull out at the last minute. 16 of them. Half of them just can't come because they don't feel like it.

OP posts:
Original poster
mamamasala · 18/10/2019 11:28

Meant to post in aibu

OP posts:
kjhkj · 18/10/2019 11:30

Unless your friends also have 1 years old PFBs then I wouldnt expect them to be even vaguely interested in attending. Although they should have made excuses when first invited rather than cancelling.

Original poster
mamamasala · 18/10/2019 11:31

If they're not interested, fine. Don't accept the invite.

OP posts:
PurpleFrames · 18/10/2019 11:32

I wouldn't cancel - think of the lovely pictures you can get with 'my first cake' 'my first present' etc

I would be totally gutted if friends cancelled on me like that. Did any have legit reasons? Will your family be there?

Don't make your son loose out on all the fun (and free gifts 😉🤫)

cocomelon23 · 18/10/2019 11:32

I agree with a pp that said a one year olds party is mainly for the parents. The baby really won't have any idea. I dread being invited to one year olds parties. Although if your friends said they'd come it's a bit rude to pull out last minute. Are they ill? There's a lot of bugs going round at the minute.

coldlighthappier · 18/10/2019 13:56

Can’t believe your friends would be so rude!! I would seriously be thinking about the friendships moving forward. I would however still go ahead with the party

Nicknacky · 18/10/2019 14:00

Regardless of who the party is for, it’s beyond rude to accept an invite then pull out without good reason.

If you don’t want to go, don’t accept the invite especially when the host is going to the effort and expense of a party.

Pinkblueberry · 18/10/2019 14:02

The thing is, if one person cancelled it wouldn’t be such a big deal but obviously 16 of them (I’m hoping not knowing about each other cancelling too) makes it sting more. I think it would be shame to cancel, if you’ve got everything prepared then you might as well carry on and enjoy with the people who are coming. It’s rude of the others to cancel last minute but then in turn surely it would also be rude of you to cancel when others have made arrangements to attend.

Ponoka7 · 18/10/2019 14:03

It's shit what they've done.

Still have the party, it'll be a nice day and much better than brooding about the party you should be having.

You'll still get nice photos.

Roussette · 18/10/2019 14:05

God if I was invited to a 1 year olds party I wouldn't be going, unless it was a grandchild. Boring and tedious for anyone else unless it's a very good friend, godparent or family

I had my two best friends and their children round for a cup of tea. Admittedly I made a cake but that's it.

A 1 year old really does not need a 'party' and inviting 30 to one is totally OTT

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 18/10/2019 14:05

Your friends suck OP...its not about them being up for a 1 year olds party its about them supporting you and not pulling out at the last minute. What horrendous things were you expecting them to endure, a buffet and a cake...hardly unfair of you.

Did you hire a venue or is it at home?

BlastEndedSkrewt · 18/10/2019 14:08

no, absolutely don't cancel - enjoy the day regardless, good excuse for a celebration in my book

InsertFunnyUsername · 18/10/2019 14:08

Of course I would attend my friends 1 year old party. A work friend, distant relative maybe not and I would say no at the time, not leave it last minute to pull out. YANBU to be disappointed I wouldn't cancel though.

Embracelife · 18/10/2019 14:09

It s the start of half term . If they have dc they probably busy.
Have a party for the rest or don't if you dont want to it is your choice....it is for you because your ds won't care one bit.
But unless you can keep the food you may as well use it ?

kmammamalto · 18/10/2019 14:10

Wow I disagree with the first few replies! I was the first of my friends to have a baby and his first birthday party was amazing. My friends all.made lots of effort and travelled from quite far so that we could have a party. It wasn't really about my son although he was spoiled rotten and had a great day. I totally understand why you're upset OP. That is terrible form and so rude. New friends and cake for you. Still have your party and try to enjoy

HollowTalk · 18/10/2019 14:11

Is something going on, OP? Is there a ringleader amongst your friends? Do all 16 know each other?

MostlyAmbridgeandcoffee · 18/10/2019 14:11

Just try to ignore that and focus on the positive and those that are coming and do want to be part of it if you can. Your son will have a lovely day. People’s lives are busy and complicated and they probably don’t mean anything by it

LivingOnAPear · 18/10/2019 14:12

I understand why you are upset. I had a similar situation for my 40th. Lots of people cancelled on the day but obviously thought that it wouldn’t matter because they are just one person of many.

If close friends have cancelled and they aren’t ill then is it worth speaking to them and explaining you are upset.

I don’t understand why people wouldn’t go to a first birthday if they are friends with the parents. After all it is more a party for the parents to celebrate getting through the first year and it’s a nice excuse to socialise.

mistermagpie · 18/10/2019 14:12

There's nothing more boring than a 1 years olds birthday party (and I have a 2 and 4 year old so I've been to lots of them!), but your friends are still being shit. Fair enough if they don't want to go, but they shouldn't have accepted the invitation in the first place. Pulling out last minute is just rude.

Go ahead with the party though, these things are really for the parents and the nice photos etc, your child won't care either way but it's a nice milestone for you. Me and my DH also treated it as a 'we've survived the first year' celebration!

antisupermum · 18/10/2019 14:14

If one person cancelled it's not really a big deal. The combined factor of it being 16 people may affect your plans more, but you can't hold each individual responsible for anyone else's actions; so I don't think you can go ballistic at anyone as they didn't all collude to derail your party.
HOWEVER, I would be letting people know I was disappointed in the last minute cancellation, as you will obviously have already planned for the number of RSVP's and late cancellations are rude -whether it is one or 40 people. If they didn't want to attend, they should have just said so at the time of invite.

Overall, I think a party for 30 odd people - mostly adults by the sounds of it - for an oblivious one-year-old is a bit absurd and I'm not shocked that people don't wish to spend their Saturday's attending. Sorry, OP.

MissSueDenim · 18/10/2019 14:18

I’ve read your other thread OP & you’ve been going through a lot so I understand why this must be upsetting however in that thread, you said you’ve been avoiding your phone / ignoring messages (75 unread messages) because you can’t deal with interacting with people at the moment. Do you think your friends might feel that you’ve been ignoring them hence the cancellations?

Jaxhog · 18/10/2019 14:26

I disagree. Friends who really care don't pull out at the last minute. 16 of them. Half of them just can't come because they don't feel like it.

They aren't friends, or they'd come for you. This seems to be a feature of life today, unfortunately. It's still very rude though.

Gottobefree · 18/10/2019 14:27

I'm sorry thats sad to hear ! I would be annoyed and upset as well. Fair enough if they didnt already confirm their attendance but they said yes and then backed out last minute with poor excuses.

Regardless of if a 1 year old would notice or not it's still a nice celebration and milestone for you and your family! If you don't feel like celebrating with those people still coming then you might as well cancel. x

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