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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I cancel?

78 replies

mamamasala · 18/10/2019 11:20

Right, so it's my son's birthday tomorrow. He's only 1. I have thrown a party. A shocking 16 out of the 30 invited have pulled out in the last 3 days. I'm so upset and the people coming now aren't really even my friends. They're family friends and more close to my parents. ALL MY FRIENDS HAVE PULLED OUT. It's embarrassing. Disheartening. I've bought food, drink etc. For 30. I've just had enough of shit friends. How do I make this a non embarrassing empty event? Or do I just carry on and hope it's okay?

OP posts:
ACurlyWurly · 18/10/2019 14:27

is this 16 individual friends who have cancelled or friend 1 and her OH and 2 DC. It soon feels like lots of cancellations but in this scenario its one friend and her family. People sometimes feel they have to say yes and then OH or DCs have other ideas. Maybe some had good reasons to pull out and some are just rude but it is about you and your DC so carry on regardless, have extra party food over the coming days for dinner and enjoy your DC and the birthday party without them

omikron · 18/10/2019 14:30

I had a party for my son's 1st birthday and it was just for the adults so all the adults were keen to come!

Ignore all the people telling you you shouldn't have bothered arranging a party. It's a milestone occasion.

Your friends have been really rude. Cancel and do something nice instead

SuperMeerkat · 18/10/2019 14:35

I agree @mamamasala it’s so rude and I would feel hurt. I only accept invitations if i’m definitely going to go and it’s so rare to pull out as I know that it’s hurtful when people do that.

Jeleste · 18/10/2019 14:37

I get that youre disappointed OP. Even if people arent interested in first birthday parties, i would still do my best to show up for my friend. Its more an event for the parents anyways, the baby wont understand it.
I would still go ahead and celebrate with the people that are coming.

PepePig · 18/10/2019 15:03

OP, I've found after having a baby it really shows who your real friends are. The amount of friends who couldn't be arsed making any effort with me was ridiculous (after I'd been there for them for years!)

Have the party and make it really special for your LO. I'd stop bothering with the friends who can't be arsed, and be completely not interested in their lives from this point on. Life's too short for shit friends. X

WhoTellsYourStory · 18/10/2019 15:38

If my friend was re-considering our friendship because I didn't attend a 1 year old's birthday party I'd be like... Hmm. Fair enough, I wouldn't just cancel for no reason, that's rude, but this drama is all a bit much for me, I'm afraid.

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 18/10/2019 15:49

I'm amazed at how many posters think it's fine. If you don't want to go to a party then decline the invite. Accepting then changing you mind at the last minute is terrible manners. Unless they have an understandable excuse such as illness then they are just plain rude. I think you should continue and do your best to enjoy the event.

omikron · 18/10/2019 15:55

The the last minute-ness of it. If people weren't intending to go then they shouldn't have accepted the invitation

Trooperslaneagain · 18/10/2019 16:02

I agree it's staggeringly rude. It's not about whether you think making a big deal of a 1 year old's party is for you, it about being fucking flighty.

It might not be a party as fun as a night in Space but if you don't want to go, don't say you'll go then bum out at the last minute.

Invitation does not equal a summons and if you're a proper friend then you show up unless you're infectious - OP will have shelled out a load of cash.

Sorry OP. I'd be well pissed off too and backing off from most of those friendships unless there's a very good reason.

GettingABitDesperateNow · 18/10/2019 16:16

I'm also a bit shocked at people saying they wouldn't attend because it's boring or not a milestone event. Lots of events are boring and not milestone- baby showers, engagement parties (where you know you've also got to go and celebrate the stag or hen and wedding), Halloween parties housewarming etc.

But sometimes people do things for other people because they care about them.

And if you really dont want to go because it's boring for you and you dont care about celebrating with your friend, don't agree to go then back out at the last minute after they've bought food and stuff as that's rude and hurtful and much worse than making up some excuse in the first place

Potnoodledoo · 18/10/2019 16:23

God if I was invited to a 1 year olds party I wouldn't be going, unless it was a grandchild. Boring and tedious for anyone else unless it's a very good friend, godparent or family

Thats grand,just dont accept the invite and then cancel.@mamamasala
thats what has her annoyed.

LannisterLion1 · 18/10/2019 16:29

They aren't friends. Friends don't accept an invite and cancel the day before because they now can't be arsed. They either accept and go, or decline in the first place and not mess you about.

Very rude for the not being bothered at last minute especially because it's last minute all monies and food costs would have been paid. Not to mention how being told friends can't bd arsed last minute is hurtful or at least frustrating.

I invited some friend through politeness to a 1st dc birthday, we both knew they'd decline but they like to be considered. They declined the 1st birthday in good time, all good. No messing about.

JustDanceAddict · 18/10/2019 16:33

They’re not real friends. I had similar parties for DCs at one. We have a tiny family but all friends came etc. - to both. Was a mix of ‘old’ friends of ours and friends w babies. People aren’t that busy surely they can’t make 2 hrs on a weekend afternoon for a party? Esp if they’d already replied (height of rudeness).

ClashCityRocker · 18/10/2019 16:35

Whether they'd rather be doing something else is neither her nor there. They accepted the invite and then cancelled last minute. Unless there are unavoidable extenuating circumstances such as ill health, its a shit thing to do.

I wouldn't cancel though op, I'm sure those that come will make sure you all have a lovely day.

Toucan123 · 18/10/2019 16:38

All the 1st birthday parties I've been to have been fab - I'm gutted for you OP and I think your friends (unless they're genuinely ill or have had some kind of emergency which mean they can't make it) are really rude!

Jollitwiglet · 18/10/2019 16:38

There is a big difference between declining an invite to a birthday party, and accepting and cancelling last minute.

It is incredibly rude to accept an invite and cancel last minute unless there's a genuine reason. It doesn't matter what the invite is for, no matter how mundane and boring it is, if you don't want to go you don't accept the invite.

I certainly wouldn't be keen to go to a first birthday party, but if it was for family or close friends I would suck it up and go. After all I imagine it's probably only a few hours out of the day anyway

NoSauce · 18/10/2019 16:40

Rude of them. Don’t cancel it, try and enjoy the day with the friends and family attending ( and don’t invited those who cancelled next year )

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 18/10/2019 16:46

I appreciate that it's not everyone's thing, but to accept the RSVP and then cancel at such short notice is really rude.

AlwaysCheddar · 18/10/2019 16:54

Are these friends with kids of the same age or Childless?

waterrat · 18/10/2019 17:08

Aw op it's horrid when this happens. As someone above said I also had a bit similar on my 40th..lots of late cancellations. I think modern life is so busy people get overwhelmed.

I always see a 1 yr old party as really important to the parents and I enjoy them. Ignore the comments about people finding them boring.

If you really think only random family friends are coming then yes I might cancel. Could you speak with the people you really care about and see if they realise how much it matters to you ?

waterrat · 18/10/2019 17:09

And why is seeing good friends tedious ?? I went to a first birthday recently and just enjoyed chatting with my adult mates and celebrating something important to someone close to me.

Ginfordinner · 18/10/2019 17:13

I'm a little Shock at some of the shitty replies on here. I have been to a couple of first birthday parties. If I hadn't wanted to go I wouldn't have accepted in the first place. I'm sorry that you have such shiity "friends". Flowers

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 18/10/2019 17:17

Tbh 1st year old parties are v adult focused- I get it more if you hate the idea of a 5 year olds party!

DisgruntledGuineaPig · 18/10/2019 17:21

Wow, 1 year old parties are boring?! They are the best age of children's parties, because it's not about the kids, but essentially a party for the parents and their friends. It's an adult focussed party, celebrating the first year (and in my experience, essentially a replacement for a christening party for non-religious people).

So these friends haven't cancelled on your dcs party, they've cancelled on you.

16 is a lot, is this 8 couples, 4 families, or 16 separate people? Do they have similar reasons? Have you been ignoring messages/missed some other events?

Chamomileteaplease · 18/10/2019 17:24

Having 30 people round may have been a bit much anyway. I would think that 15 people is actually rather a nice number to host.

I hope you manage to enjoy yourself with the people who are kind enough to come.