When I went back to work after having ds my mil minded him for for a while and we paid her. This arrangement suited everyone at the time. On her birthday DH told me we would have to try get someone else to mind ds as we can't have his mum mind him on her birthday. I agreed and asked my own mum could she come and help out.
Anyways fast forward a few years we now have more dc and have been invited to a wedding on dhs family side. No children have been invited which is absolutely fine but the wedding is on my mums birthday. DH thinks it's perfectly acceptable for us to ask my dm can she mind dc for us so that we can attend whereas I don't think this is ok and think DH should attend alone. His reasoning is she never does anything for her birthday and he doesn't think she'd mind minding the kids whereas his mum does stuff but I don't think that's ok as how can she make plans if she has the kids, equally she might not want to do anything which is fair. Getting a sitter isn't a option as I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving the baby with someone I don't know too well as we don't go out too often and when we do it's always a family member babysitting for us. Are we being unreasonable to ask her to mind the kids on her birthday or should DH just go whilst I stay home and not even mention the wedding to her? It's also not a close relative of dhs family and I'd say we were only just invited to help make up the numbers so if I/we decline no one is going to be upset.