To ask my mum to babysit on her birthday?

[berrypink30]

When I went back to work after having ds my mil minded him for for a while and we paid her. This arrangement suited everyone at the time. On her birthday DH told me we would have to try get someone else to mind ds as we can't have his mum mind him on her birthday. I agreed and asked my own mum could she come and help out.
Anyways fast forward a few years we now have more dc and have been invited to a wedding on dhs family side. No children have been invited which is absolutely fine but the wedding is on my mums birthday. DH thinks it's perfectly acceptable for us to ask my dm can she mind dc for us so that we can attend whereas I don't think this is ok and think DH should attend alone. His reasoning is she never does anything for her birthday and he doesn't think she'd mind minding the kids whereas his mum does stuff but I don't think that's ok as how can she make plans if she has the kids, equally she might not want to do anything which is fair. Getting a sitter isn't a option as I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving the baby with someone I don't know too well as we don't go out too often and when we do it's always a family member babysitting for us. Are we being unreasonable to ask her to mind the kids on her birthday or should DH just go whilst I stay home and not even mention the wedding to her? It's also not a close relative of dhs family and I'd say we were only just invited to help make up the numbers so if I/we decline no one is going to be upset.

I think you're going to know much better than a bunch of strangers whether your mum would mind being asked. I would have asked my mum and also arranged a lovely day with her the following weekend. But I know some people who would feel a bit hard done by if they'd been asked to do this - and fair enough if your mum is likely to feel that way.

If she does babysit, I'd do what someone earlier suggested and provide extra nice meals, take activities for the kids - anything to make it as easy and enjoyable as possible for her. And maybe you could just go for the ceremony and meal and skip the evening bit and go back and spend the evening with your mum?

YABU not to ask her - mum, we have been invited to a wedding and wondering if you could babysit? I know its your birthday so no bother if you want a lazy day/have plans, we'll sort something else out.

If she says yes, get her a cake/candles to have with dc, special present from dc, maybe pay for a meal out for them all together if she'd like that.

Ask her if she's made any plans or would she like to have the children, and a no is fine.

But if she does then I'd try to plan a nice day for her at yours. Get flowers delivered, have chocolates hidden for her to find etc

My Mum would love the idea of spending her birthday with her grandchildren. Adult birthdays really aren't that big a deal. Chances are shell have nothing planned. Ask her

Why does your husband think his mum deserves a day of freedom for her birthday but your mum does not?

Why don't you ask your Mum? Mine would be happy to do so and would do something for her birthday the day after. If she says no then DH goes alone.... No, is the worst she can say.

I don't understand why there is a problem with asking your Mum. She may be very happy to look after them and if she already has plans she can tell you.

I'd just ask her, she might not mind at all. I think DH knew his dm had plans on her birthday and that's why he arranged the alternative childcare not solely because of the date. Obviously if you knew dm had plans then ywbu

Thanks everyone for your replies I just didn't want to be cheeky asking her but it seems that most of you wouldn't mind. I totally understand if she doesn't/can't do it but I like the idea of the kids having a little party with her she'd actually enjoy that.

@AryaStarkWolf

Asking your mom to babysit on her birthday is being treated like a 2nd class citizen? Really?

It's the principle. His mum can't be asked, but it's okay to ask the OPs mum.

What would his mum have been doing in the daytime anyway, when she would have been babysitting.

My mum wouldn't actually have an issue with it... but based on his stance with his mum, I wouldn't ask my mum.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander. I'm not a fan of such double standards.

It does sound though as if MIL was providing regular childcare (hence a 'day off' on her birthday) whereas the babysitting you potentially would be asking your mother for is an isolated incident (if she was looking after your children most days then I would say not to ask for additional on her birthday) - I do see them as different

Also it's a lot harder to say no to one day when it's your regular childcare for you to go to work

I fail to see why the DH is being given a hard time. OP has already said her MIL does stuff in her birthday whereas her DM doesn't. Therefore it isnt unreasonable to say MIL cant be asked on her birthday as she always has other plans. I wouldn't ask anybody to babysit on their birthday if I knew they usually went out on the day. If however they stay at home and it passes in the same way as any other day then fine to ask.

I am 50. I don’t do birthdays at all pretty much, it’s just another day. Just ask your mum.

There is surely a difference between looking after one dc regularly so I assume impacting on her ability to socialise/do stuff for herself and being asked to babysit one night?

I would ask.

If she says yes, have that little party fat at suggested! Babes in hats, little cake with candle, present wrapped, balloons falling out of the pantry cupboard...

Why does your husband think his mum deserves a day of freedom for her birthday but your mum does not?

Yes, this is what I'm wondering as well. If anyone's being unreasonable here, it's your husband.

Because his mum usually has the kids