To ask my mum to babysit on her birthday?

[berrypink30]

When I went back to work after having ds my mil minded him for for a while and we paid her. This arrangement suited everyone at the time. On her birthday DH told me we would have to try get someone else to mind ds as we can't have his mum mind him on her birthday. I agreed and asked my own mum could she come and help out.
Anyways fast forward a few years we now have more dc and have been invited to a wedding on dhs family side. No children have been invited which is absolutely fine but the wedding is on my mums birthday. DH thinks it's perfectly acceptable for us to ask my dm can she mind dc for us so that we can attend whereas I don't think this is ok and think DH should attend alone. His reasoning is she never does anything for her birthday and he doesn't think she'd mind minding the kids whereas his mum does stuff but I don't think that's ok as how can she make plans if she has the kids, equally she might not want to do anything which is fair. Getting a sitter isn't a option as I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving the baby with someone I don't know too well as we don't go out too often and when we do it's always a family member babysitting for us. Are we being unreasonable to ask her to mind the kids on her birthday or should DH just go whilst I stay home and not even mention the wedding to her? It's also not a close relative of dhs family and I'd say we were only just invited to help make up the numbers so if I/we decline no one is going to be upset.

That should have said-just ask unless you don't want to go.

He's given you the perfect get out!

Then you & the kids could do something with your mum on her bday!

Can you not just ask her?

People look after babies and children on their birthdays all the time. I'm not understanding the point here at all

TBH OP it sounds like you don't want to go.

I’m nowhere near the age of being a grandma, but my own dc are older than yours so don’t really need entertaining or a great lot of input for the little stuff anymore. If this situation were that my brother needed me to look after my baby niece on my birthday, I would do it. A birthday is just another day to me. I’d rather be useful to someone and have a nice day with my niece than have them miss out on a friends wedding because they had no one to look after baby.
I do have a couple of really precious friends, who refuse to work/do anything else except stuff for themselves on their birthday and tbh, I find them generally really spoilt. One of them has recently kicked off because she has had to go to a family funeral during the week of her ‘special birthday’.

Ask your mum, if she doesn’t generally do anything for her birthday, she might really enjoy having her grandchild for the day.

" I'm not understanding the point here at all"

I think it might be that Op's husband was adamant that his mum couldn't possible look after the kids on her bday, but it's absolutely fine to ask Op's mum to.

Yabu. If you ask and she isn't really keen to do it, she may feel put on the spot and do it anyway. On her birthday.

If you just wanted an evening out, it would not be ok to ask, but a wedding is different.

If you do ask, I would plan on an extra special gift for her birthday. Probably some sort of activity she would enjoy. Spa day, nice dinner out, etc. whatever kind of thing she enjoys.

I don't think she should have to babysit on her birthday.

How many kids & how old?

Does your mum see them very often?

She might think that being with her GC is a lovely way to spend her bday?

Maybe you could organise meals/activities?

I don't think she should have to babysit on her birthday shes doesnt HAVE to, not everyone gives a damn about their birthday

I think if you ask her, she will say yes whether she minds or not.
If it is genuinely distant (and especially if an evening invite) I would sack it off and do something nice with my mum and dc instead. Why does she do nothing on her birthday if she has a dd anyway, don't you ever take her out!

Yes, do drop it into conversation casually. Say you were hoping she would babysit while you go a wedding, your mother in law will be going so she can't. Then say would she mind that the wedding is on her birthday - you can do something special for her on the day before or after (or when convenient).

No harm in asking and she might be happy to do it.

If she isn't happy or cannot babysit, back to the drawing board.

For a wedding I was say it's reasonable to ask, and just say when you ask you need her to be completely honest and if she doesn't want to then that's absolutely fine. But as others have said she might enjoy it depending if she already has plans or not.

For my 50th Birthday i had a day out with my Grandchildren. Last year, i went out to eat with them, so unless i had something non child friendly, planned (which is my next birthday plan) i would be happy to babysit on my Birthday.

Start by asking if she has anything planned and then mention the Wedding. If she says yes straight away, tell her to think about it. That way she is doing it because she really wants to.

As a matter of principle I wouldn't ask my mum, because I'm not having her be treated like a second class citizen after his mum couldn't possibly babysit one child on her birthday.

I would ask your mum but stress to her that it's not a huge deal if she doesn't want to do it and that you aren't too fussed about going to the wedding anyway.

As a matter of principle I wouldn't ask my mum, because I'm not having her be treated like a second class citizen after his mum couldn't possibly babysit one child on her birthday.

Asking your mom to babysit on her birthday is being treated like a 2nd class citizen? Really?

Just sounds really petty not to ask for that reason alone, maybe his mother actually had something planned? Or said she didn't want to? Or maybe the DH just knew that she wouldn't like babysitting on her birthday?

No, you can't ask her on her birthday and your dh is a mummies boy
HTH

I’ve had enough birthdays for it not to be an issue for me. Might ypur mum not be the same?

Tbh it is different for a run of the mill thing, but for a one off like a wedding I can see the difference. No harm in asking.

Just ask her and tell her it’s fine to say no. What’s the big deal?

Only you know your Mum. Lots of adults work, mind kids carry on as normal on their bdays! I know my own mum would not give a toss about babysitting on her birthday if she had no plans. (and if she had plans they wouldn't be bday related iykwim) Give her an excuse to get a cake in (for the kids sake! ). Id offer to bring her out for dinner or show or something a week r so after though. If u want to go start with asking has she plans & then 'would u mind'. My Mil now is birthday obsessed n probably would have plans for her birthday made in advance so I wouldn't ask. Don't keep harping on about years ago when u dh wanted to give his dm a day off from minding his child on her bday. I do think that's different!

Personally I'd ask my mum. I guess it depends on your relationship though.

You are making it sound like looking after your children is a chore. Are they so bad that neither grandma would want to spend time with them on their birthday? This is all a bit sad.

Have you even asked her? She might love the idea of spending her birthday with her grandkids, she might actually be disappointed if someone else looked after them and she then didn't get to see them! You don't know unless you ask, but make sure she knows that there definitely other people you can ask if she wants to do something else :).

If she never does anything for her birthday, it sounds like she doesn't see it as much of an occasion (lots of people don't), so she wouldn't mind having them anyway.

Just ask :).

Why not just tell your mum about the wedding. Say that you have been invited but children aren't allowed so you're going to stay home. See what she says or what she offers.