To say having a newborn makes you hate your partner?

[icantgetnosleep8]

I'm writing this after so far having 2 hours sleep and there is an element of light heartedness in this post (although it doesn't feel like it right now).

I'm so tired. 6 week old not sleeping well. Has to sleep on me. DH went on a night out last night - is sleeping in a different room... so far I know he has had 5 hours sleep, with a couple more to go.

This fact alone means I am fantasising about waking him up in the worst ways possible (air horn, ice bucket, running in yelling like a banshee, dropping giant cowpat onto his face)

But in all seriousness, I felt overwhelming love for him when DD was born, but now I resent every minute of sleep or any moment of fun he has and feel any spare time should be spent helping me. I know I am probably being unreasonable - but tell me I'm not alone? If so, what helped??

My OH has just said 'can we have a day without me complaining how tired I am or that the baby isn't sleeping or that weaning is difficult'. Apparently it's draining him!!!!

The 7 month old is currently waking every hour for a feed, refusing all food (only wants the boob), has gone from being an awesome napper to only napping an hour a day ON ME. Oh and he decided that 4.30am was wake up and party time!

We are supposed to be taking our 5 year old out for the day as it was her bday yest (he's taken holiday and it's inset day).

Quite frankly I'm tempted to pack my bags and fuck off for 48 hours. I'm on my knees with tiredness and everything else.

Oh my God - that is awful!!!

I would definitely pack my bags and fuck off somewhere!!

Oh and for those who asked, yes we're trying things like the sleepyhead and we have had some nights where she's done longer stints in there. It's just been a particularly bad few nights.

My dog gets very worried when the baby cries and keeps me company when I'm feeding etc... perhaps I should've married him 

@QueenofmyPrinces -
The way you felt sounds so much like how I do. I often think about packing up and going to my mums... but it's so far away I don't think I could do the drive with her right now!
I would also seriously consider a sleep consultant. Would you recommend?

Thank you to everyone who's shared advice and concern :)

5 years on I still resent my husband for how shit he was when DD was a baby. It doesn't help that there have been hundreds of other shitty things since then. I know we won't be together much longer.

Yes, those early days aren’t easy on relationships, particularly the first when you’re trying to work everything out as a couple.

icantgetnosleep - the majority of sleep consultants will not do any kind of sleep training until at least 6 months of age. The one I used wouldn’t do it for babies unless they were 9 months of age.

Sleep training is a very contentious issue and definitely not something that would be recommended for such a young baby for many reasons.

@QueenofmyPrinces to be fair, he's a really good partner and father. Does more than his share around the house and takes the eldest to all her extra curricular activities.

He's having a bit of a wobble at work at the moment. But that's no excuse.

He tried to apologise and told me to go for a nap. I was so angry I've told him in no uncertain terms what I think of his thoughtless comment he's now mooing as if I've done something wrong!

Might put a snifter or brandy in my coffee....

Nature’s contraception!

Must be the exception, I breast fed, DH never heard me get up (he slept thru he great storm!) Had to return to work when babies were 3 months old, my youngest DS didnt sleep thru the night till he was 15 months old, beyond tired (he was my 3rd) believe me. I was breast feeding every couple of hours in the night. When I married second DH, had a baby (his first) forced by debts left by 1st H, to return to work, firstly evenings, (milk expressed and ready) then nights, I napped when she did, didnt go to bed after a night shift until she went to school. Then carried on working nights because it fitted in, I could get her to school, never missed an event, sports day, etc, when she was ill I was there. I started off working 5 nights, a week, then the shifts changed eventually, to 12.5 hours. She grew up had babies, I had such a long commute (DH company liquidation) ended up not changing jobs becasuse mine was better paid. I never slept much in the day, by the time I retired I was sometimes sleeping an hour, sometimes couldnt sleep at all (tried all the tricks)Since retiring my body clock is stuck in night shift mode.I pace myself like I always have, no choice, possibly might have wanted to kill him just after I gave birth, and second degree tear!

Especially when the only issue is that baby has a shit dad

Moping! Not mooing

Although both are fitting 😂😂

Waiting (as before) to have someone berate me, I did what I had to do to keep a roof over our heads, we bought our council house, nothing grand needed lots of work, then got made redundant a month later, and 5 times in the next 8 years, so there was no choice.

That last message was in relation to sleep consultants. They won't be interested at such a young age and are likely to be pessimistic if 8t is clear one parent has no intention of actually parenting.

I’m still pregnant so no baby yet, but I’ve had a nightmare pregnancy 😭 HG, hypersalivation, heart burn, hip pain... you name it I have it! 12+ weeks off work barely left the house (other than med apts/hospital)
DH is very supportive (Frequently wakes up with me in the night when I’m really sick...etc - spends all of his non work time with me lovingly listening to me cry and complain)

However....I’ve never resented somebody more. I’m so jealous of his health/sleep/ability to carry on a normal life. The other day he ordered my fav take out pizza and I got to sit smelling it whilst wretching 😂 And I just keep thinking about how we get exactly the same amount of baby at the end of this. I’ve definitely pulled the short straw on this...and it’s on fire...and covered in asbestos 😂🤯🤢🤮😭

When my husband used to be asleep snoring his stupid head off while I struggled to stay awake and breastfeed my baby the urge to punch him in the nose was very real lol

@moleeye sounds like he’s just volunteered to do all the night waking for the next week with a guarantee he won’t complain about it at all. Result!

OP, do nothing but hold and feed your baby today. Don’t get dressed or clean the house. Sit in your comfiest chair, watch a good box set, drink some tea / coffee and if you can put the baby down for naps then do so, and rest even if you can’t sleep.

When he gets home, hand the baby over and go to bed. Team night out? Fuck that. Also, why was he entitled to unbroken sleep because he’d gone out having fun? He could have gone out, had one or two drinks max, switched to soft drinks (no better excuse than a small baby at home) then come home recharged ready to parent.

Seriously, no more sleeping in the spare room for him, unless you’re banishing him due to awful snoring or something. I would have been livid if DH had left me to it and gone to sleep elsewhere. The only times we did this was when we were sleeping in shifts due to the twins being really sick and needing a parent awake watching them at all times.

For me it was when I truly realised what a selfish man child my then partner was. He wasn't helpful, spent all his time playing xbox and leaving me to take care of our child, would lie about feeding her when he forgot. I gave him 2 years to change and when he didn't bother to even try I left him, like I had told him I would. Sometimes it's sleep deprivation and sometimes they're just not good for you and the cracks show, they probably never were in the first place. Only you know which yours is! Wake him up next time, get some rest.

Unfortunately the lazyass father is the still the default position around much of the world, including the UK. It’s eays to forget that in these supposedly enlightened times. Yes, there are millions of great dads, but there are billions who still see parenting of young children and looking after the home as the woman’s responsibility. Realistically, the best course of action to avoid one of the lazy ones is to be careful when choosing. Reserve “He’s going to make a great dad” for a man who is good at getting his hands dirty with cleaning, cooking and housework. Not just a bloke who’s a good laugh and likes kicking and throwing a ball around. The latter kind might step up to the plate when the baby arrives... but often not.

Breastfeeding is hard work and lonely.

I got through the first few weeks by reminding myself about how much extra he was picking up during the day. If I was having a particularly hard night, he was awake and with us even if he couldn't help much other than rubbing my back, fetching a drink etc.

I think you just need to keep talking to him so he knows what you are going through and making sure he knows what you need from him (if he's not picking it up himself). It's bloody hard not to hate him for the short time, but remember it won't last forever and be realistic about what he can do. Echo sentiments above about useless man nipples!!

It doesn't sound like you have a very supportive partner to be honest. Looking back I was grumpy and tired at times and my husband was extremely patient and kind to me, couldn't have been better if I'm honest. He's by no means always perfect, but I do think that being supportive when you've got a newborn is the least you should be able to expect from him. I'd be having words if it were me!

We agreed anything said after 1am didn't count. We hated each other for a few weeks and barely tolerated each other for a few months. Then we went away for a weekend and realised we're actually still there under it all. The problem was we were both giving it everything and it still wasn't enough.

But he and his useless nipples made some fatal flaws like "how can you have nothing to wear"...... he did not make that mistake again

I left DH when my older two were 2&3, and I was pregnant with our third.

I hated him by the end. He never did anything at all, and I was pregnant with two toddlers who didn't sleep and exhausted. When baby #3 arrived, it was so blissful. Not carrying around that hatred and resentment towards someone was wonderful. I didn't mind the night feeds and the tiny baby who only slept on me - when there was no resentment towards someone else who wasn't pulling their weight and no expectation of help, it became almost enjoyable managing to do everything on my own, and there was such a weight off my shoulders to not carry that hatred towards him anymore. I'm so happy all the time now. Best thing I ever did.

(Not advising you all leave your husbands 😂 There was DV in my relationship too with police/SS involvement, so him being a useless bastard wasn't the only reason I left)

He shouldn’t be going on nights out when you have a six week old imo, I would have seriously considered divorce if my DH did this. I don’t even say that lightly, there’s no way I’d have appreciated him out galavanting while I struggled on with a newborn at home.

I do agree with your sentiment though, I hated the fact DH couldn’t breastfeed.

DS2 was up from 10pm until 3am. I didn't trust myself downstairs on the sofa with him (he's two weeks old) because I was exhausted so stayed in bed. Listening to DH snore and be comfortable and sleepy. Bastard.

He redeemed himself when the baby woke for a feed at 5:30 and he took him downstairs until DS1 woke up at 7:45 and we had to start getting ready for nursery.

So it's my first day on my own as DH has gone back to work after paternity today and I've had 3 or 4 hours sleep. After his 8 or 9, he will still be the first person to complain how tired he is this evening when he gets home.

Hang in there you new mom`s.
It soon passes and isn't worth an argument.

My first DH was utterly useless. Even when DD was in hospital he’d never be arsed to turn up.

I have an 8 month old with second DH and I’m finally understanding what it feels like to co-parent!

DS is being a bugger overnight right now. We’re trying to wean him at night and DH did all the waking last night, spent hours shushing and patting the little guy.

He’s an absolutely fantastic husband and father. Also his darling mum died 2 weeks ago and if I was him I’d probably be lying wallowing but he’s not. He’s still parenting as normal.