Does the child always come first ?

[nevermindimfine]

Based on a few threads I have read recently, AIBU to ask if parents should always put their child first? That seems to be the general consensus and for the most part I agree, however some of the scenarios seem somewhat unrealistic.
Scenario One
Parents have had a rough week, not spent much child free time together. One parent wants to watch a non-child friendly movie, have a drink and relax. Child wants to stay up, should child’s feelings be put first as they will be upset not to be included in the movie watching.
Scenario Two
Parent one cannot pick up child due to work commitments, Parent two cannot either due to work. Child does not want to be collected by friend or go to afterhours care. Parents should take leave from work as child will be upset if parent puts work first.
Scenario Three
Parents plan holiday, child does not want to go due to a recent disagreement with one parent. Child and the agreeable parent should go on holiday, therefore leaving other parent at home, so that the child knows the child is first.
Scenario Four
Parents should spend one on one time with child on a weekly basis, potentially one of the parents should ‘stay out of the way’ to allow child to have important time where attention is 100% devoted to them.
What would everyone do in those scenarios?

The child's needs usually come first, not the child's wants. In your scenarios, the child wants something, but it isn't necessarily what is best for them. E.g. they might WANT a holiday with their favourite parents but what they NEED is to be taught to get on with both parents and work through any disagreements. The right thing to do in that scenario would be for the parent and child to discuss the disagreement and 'make up' quickly, with apologies on both sides if appropriate. Children don't get to dictate who they go on holiday with.

I would think in scenario four a 30 min walk one on one or a coffee out would be nice if there is time. Maybe some weekends there is, some there isn’t.
Scenarios one two and three, the child would not get their way in this house. Actually in scenario one, if child had been promised the film all week, then I’d let them, but not as a spur of the moment thing.

What Mrs K said. The child's wishes aren't always what's best for them. Sometimes the child has to fit in with what's best for the family as a whole and sometimes the child wants things that are just not best.

1. Child goes to bed at normal time and parents chill after.
2. Child has to be picked up by friend or after school club and learn that parents have to work.
3. The child and parent need to sort the relationship out. Then all go on holiday.
4. One to one adult time is nice. Doesn't have to be weekly. So long as they are getting time with parents and space to talk and just be.

How old is this child? Sounds like the potential to grow up a bit of a brat if it is made the centre of the universe. However I suspect you already k is that and are looking for affirmation to show the other parent.

They so wouldn't happen in my house. That's not putting the child first, that is being a martyr.

Exactly what @MyOtherProfile said.

Absolutely not unless you want some kind of hell child

Putting children first is about ensuring their needs are met, ahead of your own if necessary, but about pandering to their every demand.

Sounds like hard work and child has got wind that they can create a rift between parents. The child's outcomes are what they want to happen but he/she needs to accept that is not always possible by parents enforcing boundaries. How old is child?

My children are still young but this is my opinion.

Scenario One
If the child is a teen they should watch a film they can all watch. Parent can still have a drink.
Scenario Two
Work needs to happen. Child has to such it up and get picked up and go to childcare.
Scenario Three
If child isn't old enough to be left home alone then everyone should go on holiday unless it's something they'd really hate like an extreme sport or something.
Scenario Four
Why would the other parent need to 'stay out of the way'? Can't the parent doing the 1-1 time just go out?

Exactly as @MyOtherProfile said

That's not "putting the child first" its pandering to them and letting them do what they want. My DD is 2 and would love to have cake for breakfast, saying no doesn't mean I'm not "putting her first" just because I'm going against her wishes.

Child first is more like "I would like a new pair of shoes but my child needs a new coat so I will get the coat, putting their needs first, and get my shoes next month"

Child is 13.

The 'child first' advice I have seen on here usually refers to parents who are in new relationships that appear to be prioritised over the child's welfare. I think that is the way it should be.
The above examples are not welfare issues at all, so no need for a child-first approach. As a SW I will say that the martyrs parents who are constantly child first over very trivial issues such as child choosing film every time are doing a disservice to their children. They grow up with very little resilience, low self esteem, arrogant and unable to see past the end of their nose.

Parent trumps child in every scenario described.

Your child is being a brat. The child's needs should come first but that doesn't mean they get to be head of the family.

1. Child should have a set bedtime. Rules are there for a reason.

1. They're old enough to walk or get the bus home. Why are they still getting lifts every day?

1. Fine. If child wants to be a brat they can go to grandparents. Alternatively they stop being so ungrateful.

1. Why does one parent need to stay out of the way?

Are you the step parent?

Oh yeah my answers are based on the children living with both parents, not having contact time with one parent and their partner.

In that case my answer to number 4 would be different.

And maybe some of the others based on certain circumstances.

I’m not sure the OP is the parent in question, I think they are (hopefully!) various different children from threads she has read?

How is this child related to you OP?

You've missed the point of 'child first'. It's needs not wants. Although sometimes a child wants what it needs. So the child not wanting to go to bed early maybe is actually needing some attention.

Child would have to lump it in scenario 1-3, asking for 1 to 1 time is fine though. At 13, they can chill in their room in an evening, go home with a friend, and grit their teeth through a family holiday

Our child is the centre of our universe, we both work full time and spend as much time as possible with them at evenings/weekends. DH goes on trips etc with his mates but I have never wanted to be away from DC or have ‘me time’. I was the child of a dad who had no parental love or involvement and was sent to school at 8. My childhood was harsh as a result. Children need love and attention, what is the point of having them if you aren’t interested in spending time with them. At 13 they will be gone before you know it. If your child wants to spend time with you then that’s lovely. Is the child an only? If so they need even more parent time. Sounds to me like there may be problems with the parents’ relationship and this is being taken out on the child. The going on holiday because the child has fallen out with one parents sounds all wrong. Seek some family counselling.

There was a really long thread on this a week or two ago.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/a3713329-To-think-children-should-not-ALWAYS-come-first?msg_id=90690067#90690067

I would consider it meeting my child’s needs to:

1. Enforce a reasonable boundary around bedtime. Not to arbitrarily bring it forward in order to watch a film without them, but to allow the child to know that they are contained by parents with authority who can watch a film after they are in bed at their typical bedtime.
2. Work and earn in order to provide an environment free from financial stress, in which the child can have their physical needs met without compromise and have opportunities to enjoy organised activities, music lessons and trips with the family.
3. Encourage the child to be forgiving, reconciliatory, and to see the bigger picture. Not to allow them to divide and conquer. That child might well lack empathy and become prone to conflict, and the parent would not be meeting their needs by teaching them that the world should bow to them.
4. Foster an environment in which they are content with their provision of loving attention from both of us. It is unclear how or why a child should come to develop an expectation that one to one is better or perhaps more lucrative.