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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at the school?

53 replies

LushyMcLushFace · 15/10/2019 17:02

DS1 is 9 and in year 5 at school. 10 days ago he told me he felt 'worthless, like he shouldn't be here and suicidal'. I took him straight to the dr and told them in school what he'd said. The GP has since contacted the school. His teacher phoned me on the day to see what was happening and they said they'd speak to DS1 the following Monday (this all happened on a Friday).

According to DS1 he told them he was fine on the Monday. Since then I've not heard from the school at all, despite leaving numerous messages for someone to call me.

DS1 definitely knew what he was talking about when he said how he felt. He can give good reasons why he feels like this. He's very articulate. But he's very closed off at times and doesn't say anything's wrong until it's almost too late.

So AIBU to be a bit annoyed that I can't speak to the school? I'm aware that he's not the only pupil there and that therapy resources are stretched woefully thin, but surely there should be something they can do. All I've got from the school so far is that 'he's waiting to see somebody' I've no idea who.

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 15/10/2019 17:36

The school have told you he’s on a waiting list to see someone. I’m not sure what else they can do if they don’t have internal counselling sessions etc which most don’t.

Rather than rely on school, you could look into private counselling yourself. The onus isn’t on them alone.

Original poster
LushyMcLushFace · 15/10/2019 17:45

But who is he waiting to see, if they could tell me that much I'd be a bit happier.

I'm a single mum in a not very well paid job. I've had to cut my hours so I can be available to him every day after school. Private therapy just isn't an option.

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 15/10/2019 17:50

Then you need to go back to your GP and ask for a referral.

Schools are great but they are not parents and have limited resources. It’s not all on them.

BelindasGleeTeam · 15/10/2019 17:56

This isn't schools job.
It's yours as a parent and the health service to provide for mental health issues.

School can back you up but they cannot provide these services

SmileCheese · 15/10/2019 17:57

But who is he waiting to see, if they could tell me that much I'd be a bit happier

If he is in year 5 and you are available after school would it not be best to ask to speak to his teacher at home time to get an answer to this question?

Unfortunately schools are now expected to offer support in all areas outside their remit with very little resources. As such the waiting list he is on is likely to be a long one and if I were you my first port of call would have been back for another GP app appointment for them to initiate a referral for counselling.

Original poster
LushyMcLushFace · 15/10/2019 18:04

We went back to the GP and they told me that I need to access help through the school. Everywhere seems to be saying they can't help.
It's parents evening tomorrow but I'll have the DSs with me so I don't know how easy it'll be to discuss it.

The boys go to breakfast club so speaking to the teacher at the beginning of the day isn't possible. And by the end of the day the boys are desperate to get out of there.

OP posts:
Chupchup · 15/10/2019 18:05

Op, I would at the very least expected a meeting with the senco and his teacher.

BelindasGleeTeam · 15/10/2019 18:06

GP is mistaken.
5 years ago that was the case. There is virtually no support now through schools.

My child had counseling years ago but that's now all been withdrawn. No money to fund it. Have to pay privately now.

Original poster
LushyMcLushFace · 15/10/2019 18:07

Even if the school would get back to me and say they don't have the resources to offer him any help at least I'd know the situation, I could go back to my GP then and say they need to do something.

Let me reiterate, because I don't think I made it clear in my OP, I'm annoyed that despite leaving several messages, the school haven't contacted me; I'm not annoyed that they can't help if that's the way it is, it's the lack of information that I'm annoyed about.

OP posts:
TheMonkeyWhale · 15/10/2019 18:08

Do not discuss this in front of your son at parents evening, get an individual meeting with head or safeguarding lead and teacher.

School may be viewing it as a safeguarding issue and not able to discuss it with you; has a safeguarding referral been made?

Original poster
LushyMcLushFace · 15/10/2019 18:15

Why would it be a safeguarding issue? As far as I know one hasn't been made, the GP didn't mention it and social services/MASH haven't got in contact with me. As I said, I've heard absolutely nothing from the school whatsoever so part of me is worried they're writing me off as a hysterical parent.

OP posts:
seaweedandmarchingbands · 15/10/2019 18:26

I think schools have been positioned - very unfairly - almost like community hubs: safeguarding, therapy, social care etc. Your son’s mental health concerns should definitely be known to school but in reality, it is for you to secure him help through the NHS and he really needs you to push for that help.

Glacecherrychops · 15/10/2019 18:27

Why did he say he felt that way?

It's unusual for such a young child.

Does he have additional needs?

jennymanara · 15/10/2019 18:37

It must have been very scary to hear your DS say this. The GP should have done a risk assessment. That is because there is a big difference between actually being at risk of suicide and saying this because he is unhappy.
If the issue is that he said this because he is unhappy, then talk to him and find out why. But try to be low key about it. I would also ask him what made him talk about suicide? Has he heard someone else talk about it or seen something online?

GreatOne · 15/10/2019 18:55

So many clueless replies.
Yes it is a job school could help with. They should have a 'school link Primary Mental Liason'. Just link they'd have a link to speech and language or school nurse. They coukd organise a referal.
Ask to speak to senco. But GP possibly faster for a referal. Also speak to class teacher to uncover what the issues are making him feel this way

revelsandrose · 15/10/2019 18:59

I think people are being a bit unfair to op. Obviously she is upset and worried about her son, and has been told that the school will help. Her issue is the lack of response from the school.
I have been in a similar situation and the school provided a mentor/cbt type therapy in house, which the gp advised they should do.
Can you perhaps email the teacher rather than telephoning? I found this to be a better way of getting a response.

june2007 · 15/10/2019 19:08

Go in to the school and make an appointment with the school teacher/ head of year. Is there a nurse drop in session. (my sons sch sometimes has hem.) Perhaps you go o this if there is something like that.

TheSecretJeven · 15/10/2019 19:40

Go back to your GP and request a referral to CAMHS. It could take months though, you might need to consider private counselling.

TheMonkeyWhale · 15/10/2019 19:44

A child who is saying he wants to commit suicide is a safeguarding issue I’m afraid OP. Didn’t mean to frighten you would I would talk to the GP and ask what is going on; it’s
Their responsibility and not necessarily schools.

I hope he is OK. What a frightening and upsetting time for you.

plantainchips · 15/10/2019 19:45

YANBU

Soontobe60 · 15/10/2019 19:48

They won't be writing him off. This is for the Senco to deal with, but they may well only work part time. I'm a Senco who only works 3 days.
Phonenschool back up and ask to make an appointment to see them. Also, go to the GP again and insist on a referral to CaMHS. You can also contact CAMHS yourself.

LolaSmiles · 15/10/2019 19:52

It's something school should be aware of but this is not a school remit thing.

As a teacher I'm increasingly concerned about how many situations where children who need specialist, support from appropriately qualified professionals seem to get bounced to schools and teachers are expected to talk things through with parents. It's not for lack of caring on my part. It's a very real awareness that I am in no way qualified to provide home or children the support to deal with significant mental health issues or suicidal feelings.

At best in schools there's a pastoral member of staff who has done some enhanced training, but they're far and few between and aren't in any way a replacement for CAMHS.

That's not me having a go at you OP. You're right to be concerned and it's a horrible situation. But I'm concerned about at a system that is misdirecting parents to people who aren't best placed to give their children the support they need. Schools aren't and can't be mental health services, social services, counsellors etc.

I'd be back at the GP seeking a referral to child mental health services. I think the GP is the one who has fobbed you off because it's easier for them to say "talk to school" than to do proper referrals within the health service and they're hoping you'll go away.

Teachermaths · 15/10/2019 19:56

@lolasmiles has it spot on.

BelleSausage · 15/10/2019 19:57

This sounds awfully worrying for you, OP. But you need to see another GP. Please do not rely on the school mental health services.

It is totally possible that school have made a referral and have heard nothing back. CAMHS are chronically underfunded and very often only have time for extreme cases. Getting a CAMHS referral is a postcode lottery and can take ages.

If you have the money then private counselling is much quicker to access. I wouldn’t wait.

Pinkflipflop85 · 15/10/2019 19:57

Well said @LolaSmiles

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