To be annoyed at the school?

[LushyMcLushFace]

DS1 is 9 and in year 5 at school. 10 days ago he told me he felt 'worthless, like he shouldn't be here and suicidal'. I took him straight to the dr and told them in school what he'd said. The GP has since contacted the school. His teacher phoned me on the day to see what was happening and they said they'd speak to DS1 the following Monday (this all happened on a Friday).

According to DS1 he told them he was fine on the Monday. Since then I've not heard from the school at all, despite leaving numerous messages for someone to call me.

DS1 definitely knew what he was talking about when he said how he felt. He can give good reasons why he feels like this. He's very articulate. But he's very closed off at times and doesn't say anything's wrong until it's almost too late.

So AIBU to be a bit annoyed that I can't speak to the school? I'm aware that he's not the only pupil there and that therapy resources are stretched woefully thin, but surely there should be something they can do. All I've got from the school so far is that 'he's waiting to see somebody' I've no idea who.

I too am wondering why he said this. Is there anything else going on? I'm not sure my kids knew what suicide was at that age, so quite a strange thing for him to say. Where has he picked up that sort of language? Id it come out of the blue? I'm not sure what you want from school. I'd be expecting them to keep an eye on him and letb you know if he says anything else, or if there is any bullying going on. Other than that, I would expect any sort of counselling to come from the gp.

There's a LOT going on with him. He's a very sensitive child and overthinks everything. He takes teasing very much to heart. I think there's a very thin line between teasing and bullying and although the incidents he's described to me sound like low-level teasing he's very upset by them. I want to build his resilience up, because unfortunately teasing happens in all walks of life and I need to make him able to deal with it.

It doesn't help that he's very, very bright so a lot of the children in his class aren't on his wavelength at all. He was close friends with one girl but they got teased so much about being 'in love' that she doesn't want to play with him any more.

I split from his dad when he was 5 and occasionally he says he thinks he's to blame for the split. I've never been able to explain it satisfactorily for him. We split because his dad was an emotionally abusive arsehole...obviously I can't tell him that. Doesn't seem to stop the ex badmouthing me to him but I won't do that.

I don't know where he heard of suicide from, but the GP was very thorough in checking that he knew what he was saying. I honestly don't think he's at risk of self-harm but I need to ensure he doesn't get to that point.

I just wanted to say your boy sounds lovely and it's good he can articulate his feelings to you. I wish you and him all the best and hope you can get him the care he deserves

Even if the school would get back to me and say they don't have the resources to offer him any help at least I'd know the situation, I could go back to my GP then and say they need to do something
Exactly. It's the poor communication that's the problem. Saying they are waiting to hear from "someone" is too vague.
I'd email, including the Head and mention that your phone calls aren't being returned and you need to know whether the school are able to help, so that you can go back to the GP if not. Also mention the bullying.The GP might be able to recommend a voluntary organisation if there's no help available. (There bloody well should be of course)

In the longer term, if it's any help, in my experience kids like your son do better socially at secondary school. At primary there tends to be a pecking order and the cool kids aren't that nice to quirkier ones. At secondary school they aren't stuck with their form, so the quirkier ones can find like minded friends and the cool ones are too busy having dramas with other cool ones to bother them. That's my experience anyway!

Hi OP. I’m a GP and just to clarify for lots of PPs that actually in some areas school have access to exactly the same mental health teams as we do as GPs. The aim where I work is that these services are provided in school so that children are supported in the place they spend the majority of their time (aside from home obviously). Schools are just as able to refer to these services as anyone else, and often are the best-placed agency to do so because they know the child well and are aware of the family dynamics etc often better than the GPs.

Your GP has obviously done a thorough assessment and feels that your child is not at immediate risk of harm. It sounds like they felt school was the best place for him to access the appropriate services. I think you’re right that you need more information from the school and would suggest you ask for a meeting to discuss this. Parents’ evening isn’t the right place especially if you have the children with you.

I know this must be very frightening for you. Don’t hesitate to go back to the GP if the situation seems to be getting worse, but at the moment it seems like the school have things in hand but aren’t communicating very well with you.

I hope you find out what you need to know soon.

I think people have misunderstood OP.

You don't necessarily want to school to 'do' anything, but you would like them to engage with you.

I am so surprised a child in their school has said he wanted to kill himself and they are not in touch with you.

My dd's school, I know 100% would be all over this seeing if there was anything that is going on in school.

I think it's shit that they've not even engraved in conversation with you at what must be a worrying time.

I really hope you get some assistance soon OP 💐

You can't meet the teacher before school, won't have your kid wait in the car so you can meet after school because they want to get home and you won't talk about it at parents night? You are only free while the school day is running at which time teachers are teaching and heads are leading the school? And you've the cheek to complain that the school aren't being accommodating with the sharing of information?

Excuse me reducator? The morning is impossible without prior arrangement; I never said I wouldn't leave the kids in the car but the truth is that parking is so bad near the school I normally have to leave the car at least a 5 minute walk away...would you be happy leaving a 7 and 9 year old so far away?

I've been advised on this thread NOT to discuss it at parents evening tonight.

Given that nobody in the school will apparently call me back to even ask me to make an appointment to come in and meet them to discuss this, I really don't think I'm being unaccommodating.

We got a referral to camhs who referred us to school anyway, who referred us to the school nursing team. School is camhs first point of call so it’s not that odd to be referred there in the first place.

They could improve on Comms though and I hope things get better soon.

I'm not sure my kids knew what suicide was at that age, so quite a strange thing for him to say.

Personally, I blame social media. This obsession with 'mental health awareness' (which, usually, is just a cheap way to get likes, shares and traction from a monetised page) is having an impact on our children.

I understand the importance of mental health (being a sufferer of depression) but encouraging children to 'aware' is causing the issue of self-diagnosis without a real understanding of the implications.

I speak from experience as my stepdaughter recently claimed to feel 'suicidal' but, after lots of stress from her mum and frantic calls to her dad (along with my own support), she really didn't seem to comprehend the severity of what she said.

I think this 'over awareness' is causing negative self-diagnosis and children labelling themselves with conditions they have no real understanding of.

Obviously none of this detracts from the needs of those children suffering from general mental illness (and it's important for the OP to take the necessary precautions). I would question though whether your son really grasps the true connotations of depression and suicide.

Not sure if anyone has suggested this, but maybe you could make sure he has the number for childline and knows he can talk to someone there 08001111

After school and the kids sit at the office?

Glad to hear that the GP did a thorough assessment. I am tend to be inclined to agree with others that he probably heard the term in social media or in the playground and thinks it just means you are sad. If that is the case, then it won't be treated as an urgent matter. Of course sad children need support, but it is not an emergency.
If I was you I would look online for ideas of how to build resilience and try and find a club where he might be able to build some friendships.

The boys go to breakfast club so speaking to the teacher at the beginning of the day isn't possible. And by the end of the day the boys are desperate to get out of there.

Well they'll just have to wait!

Speak to the teacher or the office and get the answers to your questions.

Also if the issue is that he is unhappy, rather than having any mental health issue, it may be that he will not get any help through the school. Sadness is more likely to be seen as an issue that a parent needs to address.

OP, have you been in contact with Young Minds?

Things don’t just happen overnight. They deal with kids self harming before a child like yours, or kids at risk in the home, those with violent outbursts etc

Your child is way down in the list and here it’s about 18 months/2 years to be seen first.

That’s assuming others don’t join the list as higher priority

I’m not sure what you want them to do it’s been less than a week. They would have staff meetings etc after school and the HT is usually busy with pre arranged stuff.

I would leave the kids in the car - they’d be absolutely fine, not sure why you think they wouldn’t

I want them to tell me what the plan is, even if there is no plan and no chance of there ever being a plan. I think not returning my calls is a bit crap, even if they just got one of the office administrators to call me and tell me they couldn't do anything it's better than this.

I saw his teacher today and she was surprised nobody had contacted me at all. I'm looking into private therapy. I've a long history of MH problems myself, a lot of them caused by childhood trauma that wasn't dealt with appropriately at the time so maybe I am a bit twitchy. But I'm not going to just ignore it.

When my DS said similar camhs wouldn’t accept the referral for him and there was no help available through school. We waited ages believing we had a camhs referral because they didn’t even tell us they wouldn’t accept it. Welcome to mental healthcare.

Why wouldn’t you leave a 7 and 9 year old in the car, five mins away? That’s a bit OTT. Can’t they play in the school yard while you talk to the teacher?

But I strongly disagree with posters who say this is strange for a child to say.

I don't trust the 7 year old in the car. I'm a bit in pieces right now. Just had parents evening for the 7 year old and his teacher wants me to meet with the head of inclusion. This is the same person who hasn't called me about DS1. Feeling a bit disillusioned right now.

Are you changing username, OP-I’m confused by the responses?

The school will be able to do very little-this is a health concern.

If you want to speak to the senco-go after or before school and wait. Take the kids with you and they can wait at the office. Or email directly.

You don't need to leave the kids in the car. Just take them to the office or to the person you quickly need to speak to.

Sorry, yes I changed names at some point. Not for anonymity on this thread, just as a joke really. I'm the OP.