To be annoyed at the school?

[LushyMcLushFace]

DS1 is 9 and in year 5 at school. 10 days ago he told me he felt 'worthless, like he shouldn't be here and suicidal'. I took him straight to the dr and told them in school what he'd said. The GP has since contacted the school. His teacher phoned me on the day to see what was happening and they said they'd speak to DS1 the following Monday (this all happened on a Friday).

According to DS1 he told them he was fine on the Monday. Since then I've not heard from the school at all, despite leaving numerous messages for someone to call me.

DS1 definitely knew what he was talking about when he said how he felt. He can give good reasons why he feels like this. He's very articulate. But he's very closed off at times and doesn't say anything's wrong until it's almost too late.

So AIBU to be a bit annoyed that I can't speak to the school? I'm aware that he's not the only pupil there and that therapy resources are stretched woefully thin, but surely there should be something they can do. All I've got from the school so far is that 'he's waiting to see somebody' I've no idea who.

I've been in the situation with a suicidal (and self harming) child.
She was referred urgently to CAHMS one May. She got seen in September.
She was referred again non-urgently 2.5 years ago and hasn't got seen yet.
CAHMS is at crisis point round here.

Was "I feel suicidal" his actual term?
It would concern me in that age where he'd got the term from. If he then told the school he was fine and they've seen no other signs then I think they'll struggle to get an urgent referral in this area from that.
When dd was bad, she'd written long swathes about there being nothing to live for, and the world would be better without her. These were needed to speed up (ha!) the referral, plus there were self harm marks as evidence. She was referred by the GP, but he said if she'd been primary age then the school would have had to refer (not sure why!)

I'm not meaning to play it down, but If all you have is a mum saying "he said this" and when asked he said "I'm fine" and is seeming fine in school, then I don't think you're going to get very high up the waiting list, because, if that did get you bumped up, then people would do that when it wasn't true. Sad, but true.

I'm not saying that what he said isn't shocking, but the truth is for children mental health there isn't enough help at all, so they focus on the most severe cases.

Try asking school if there's other things they can access. Dd has a mentor she meets every few weeks to help, and can email if she wants help between session. That's arranged by the school and is a private arrangement, so not a national one.

And speaking to the school. Ask for a phone call. See if the SENCO can give you a call at a mutually convenient time, and if it's after school see if someone can have the children. Or (they're old enough) set them in front of a DVD with pizza and popcorn and tell them that if they don't interrupt you during your "very important phone call" then you'll give them ice cream afterwards.

This wouldn't be something the class teacher would deal with (only they'd need to be aware) - you need to talk with the SENCo. They're the ones who'd do referrals etc., they're often (not always) non-teaching so could meet you in school time. You need to be contacting them: yes, they should have contacted you but unfortunately things can get busy in schools, sorry, it's not nice for you or your son but it's probably the case here so you need to chase the SENCo.

Have the boys wait in school while you have your meeting with the SENCo, if it's after school. There's no need for them to leave the building, they can sit outside the office where you're meeting for 10-20 minutes. They want to get home, understandably, but this is important so they'll just have to wait.

I hope things get better for your son soon, OP.

Op contact your school nurse. They won't be based in school but they'll be a team who cover the county your school is in. Your school office will have their contact details or you should be able to google it. Some areas have a text service called CHAThealth that you can contact as well. I work in school nursing and we do work with lots of children to support them with their emotional health. School nurses usually see children for a limited number of times and can then refer on to other services including CAMHS if appropriate. If you're really worried or things escalate and you feel you son is at immediate risk go to a&e