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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go absolutely spare at lodger

64 replies

lastqueenofscotland · 14/10/2019 23:02

Last week I went to put something in the garden and realised the back door was unlocked. This was unnerving as I’d no idea how long this was unlocked for.
Lodger goes out for a cigarette most nights and DP likes to bum about in there occasionally.
I sent them both a nice text basically asking if they are going outside to check they have locked up.

I’ve been away since Friday, before I went I checked the back door was locked.
Lodger has been at her boyfriends since Saturday night. I’ve got back tonight and just found the door was unlocked again, so presumably for a full 48 hours. While no one was here. AIBU to completely go nuclear with her?
She’s in her 30s so not a ditsy teen living away for the first time.
I feel really unnerved and anxious about the fact that anyone could have got in in that time. And angry that such a simple step wasn’t taken.

OP posts:
mauvaisereputation · 14/10/2019 23:05

Yeah, I think you would be unreasonable to "go nuclear". Not unreasonable to remind her that she needs to take care locking the backdoor and that this is a 'final warning'.

Oysterbabe · 14/10/2019 23:07

Time to add a Yale lock.

Csleeptime · 14/10/2019 23:07

I disagree with above poster, it invalidates your insurance. You could lose everything. If send a written letter saying if it happens again she will be asked to move out

MollyMorals · 14/10/2019 23:11

I really don’t understand people ‘going nuclear’. 🙄. You’ve ready said your DP goes out the door occasionally so why take it out on your lodger?

Sushiroller · 14/10/2019 23:12

Don't bother going nuclear.

Give notice and get a new lodger. Seriously.
A bad lodger doesn't change.

LoveNote · 14/10/2019 23:13

no need for such aggression

none at all....yabu

vintagesewingmachine · 14/10/2019 23:13

Nope. Not unreasonable in the slightest. We had a new double glazed ront door which required you to lift the handle and turn the key to lock it. Otherwise anyone could push down on the handle and open the door. DH forgot to do this on multiple occasions, meaning our house was unsecured all day. He blamed the previous crappy door with a Yale lock that had been on the house for over 20 years that you could just shut behind you🤔. A locksmith and £60 later, if the door shuts, it cannot be opened from the outside. Can be opened by anyone inside with no key required. A few times of shutting themselves outside in the cold and they will get the message. Good luck!

vintagesewingmachine · 14/10/2019 23:14

front sigh

Original poster
lastqueenofscotland · 14/10/2019 23:19

The first instance I wasn’t sure if it was her or DP.
As DP was with me all weekend at his parents house I know it wasn’t him this time.

OP posts:
Original poster
lastqueenofscotland · 14/10/2019 23:19

Vintage that’s the same style of lock I have

OP posts:
Ylvamoon · 14/10/2019 23:21

I'd sit her down for a chat about home insurance... And the fact that it's invalid if the door is unlocked. Lodger can loose everything as well as you. Tell her it's a first and final warning in the nicest possible way.

DENMAN03 · 14/10/2019 23:22

I doubt they did it on purpose so it's unreasonable to go nuclear with them. What's that going to achieve? Just get a difference lock, or if you really don't like them, a different lodger.

Original poster
lastqueenofscotland · 14/10/2019 23:24

I don’t want to drip feed or out myself but I do live in Moss Side, so I don’t need to explain surely that it’s not the sort of place you leave doors unlocked. Most of the neighbours have bars on the windows ffs

OP posts:
PerkingFaintly · 14/10/2019 23:25

I suspect a Yale won't be the answer here. It'll work when people are leaving the house and forget they need to lock behind them.

But someone going into the garden for a smoke will put the Yale on the snub. (Well, they will after the first two times being locked out.)

So door will remain unlocked when they come in.

userxx · 14/10/2019 23:27

I'd go mad too and I don't live I'm Moss Side.

BumbleBeee69 · 14/10/2019 23:29

I disagree with above poster, it invalidates your insurance. You could lose everything. If send a written letter saying if it happens again she will be asked to move out

She doesn't care enough to lock the door OP, I agree with serving her notice, if you can prove it was her of course. Flowers

PerkingFaintly · 14/10/2019 23:29

Blimey!

Give where you live, I'd just get a new lodger. Either she won't learn until she – and you – are robbed.

Or she just can't manage to remember important things, no matter how hard she tries (this is me, these days). In which case why should you suffer?

Branster · 14/10/2019 23:30

Anyone who’s sensible or has ever had their home broken into would totally agree with you.
Explain very clearly the risks to herself, her property, your family and your house. You are accommodating enough to let her smoke on your property (I think the home insurance form asks about smoking). Then stick a big glow in the dark sign on the door as a reminder to lock the door.

Nokeysnoentry · 14/10/2019 23:33

You know it was definitely the lodger, you’ve reminded her before to lock the door, the door was open for up to 48 hours. Yeah, I’d be fuming. You need a new lock and possibly a new lodger if she’s so careless she can’t secure a door.

mauvaisereputation · 14/10/2019 23:33

As I posted above, I think that a final warning is in order and if she can't get it together, act on this. I just don't think you're going to achieve anything by going "spare" or "nuclear" if by this you mean shouting at her. IMO you should just express yourself clearly, firmly and respectfully - it would be horrible to shout at her when she has to come home to your house at the end of the day too.

Elieza · 14/10/2019 23:34

Two strikes and then you’re out. Fit a Yale too. Won’t do any harm. And ban her from putting it on the snib. Some people are so irresponsible. Sigh.

RightYesButNo · 14/10/2019 23:34

Agree with previous poster that I wouldn’t go nuclear. Write her an official letter, so you have a paper trail, stating next time it happens, she’ll be asked to move out, end of. You can’t afford to have your insurance invalidated like that.

SarahAndQuack · 14/10/2019 23:34

YY, give her notice.

Some people really do not care. I shared a house with a woman who had some extremely valuable possessions. She still made a habit of walking out leaving the key in the lock! One day I came home to find the door open, and flatmate admitted she had somhow 'lost' her key. Later in the evening I heard someone trying to climb in (they climbed onto our bins and over the high wall to the back door, then left again).

She was still entirely relaxed and did not understand why I wanted the locks replaced!

She would have stood to lose far more valuable things than me, as I didn't own anything very expensive. And yet, she grudged the money it took for a new lock to be fitted, and she really thought I was making a fuss to want the property secure.

If your lodger doesn't get it, it is not worth the risk, and explaining how insurance works, won't necessarily help.

Original poster
lastqueenofscotland · 14/10/2019 23:35

I’ve got a new PVC double glazed door. I might be wrong but I don’t think I can fit a Yale to it

OP posts:
Streamside · 14/10/2019 23:36

A side question really but just wondering do you need to notify your insurance company that you have a lodger

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