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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go absolutely spare at lodger

64 replies

lastqueenofscotland · 14/10/2019 23:02

Last week I went to put something in the garden and realised the back door was unlocked. This was unnerving as I’d no idea how long this was unlocked for.
Lodger goes out for a cigarette most nights and DP likes to bum about in there occasionally.
I sent them both a nice text basically asking if they are going outside to check they have locked up.

I’ve been away since Friday, before I went I checked the back door was locked.
Lodger has been at her boyfriends since Saturday night. I’ve got back tonight and just found the door was unlocked again, so presumably for a full 48 hours. While no one was here. AIBU to completely go nuclear with her?
She’s in her 30s so not a ditsy teen living away for the first time.
I feel really unnerved and anxious about the fact that anyone could have got in in that time. And angry that such a simple step wasn’t taken.

OP posts:
Original poster
lastqueenofscotland · 14/10/2019 23:38

Yes you do, if you don’t it can invalidate contents insurance claims.

OP posts:
Interestedwoman · 14/10/2019 23:38

How long have you had this particular lodger?

I would give her a final written warning.

dontgobaconmyheart · 14/10/2019 23:49

Have you breached your mortgage or insurance terms by having a lodger though OP, in quite a lot of standard insurance policies i imagine you wolud have- if so having a go at her for invalidating your insurance would be a bit of a farce.

If by ' going nuclear' you mean shouting screaming and telling off another adult then yes YABU, its not necessary. You're not at all BU to be concerned about your property or upset and disappointed at for her having left the door open but the necessary action is just to explain that you can't risk that happening and asking her to leave. Do you have some sort of tenancy agreement with this lodger? do you own your home?

No need to answer specifically if you feel its outing OP, it's just that you are on shaky ground with all of the above, insurance wise and with your mortgage lender if you own and are paying a mortgage you may need permission to have a lodger, and are on shaky ground if you are a tenant who is subletting. Proper tenancy agreements are vital if you need to make a claim, as is the correct insurance and the permission of your lender, if this is covered in your mortgage agreement. If you have plans to sell the property this would be complicated by a lodger as you would be obligated to disclose any over 18's living that that may make a claim by habitation, of a right to the property.

Also be aware that by taking on a lodger you become a landlord and are subject to responsibilities such as a yearly gas safety certificate for the property. Just be cautious in kicking someone out and 'going nuclear' if you have not taken the above steps as you never know what might bite you if someone is scorned.

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 14/10/2019 23:50

Given she sounds as responsible as a 5 year old, and she smokes, I'd be inclined to give her notice, or at least tell her if it happens again she is out. The other alternative is keep the back door locked and don't let her have the key.

VenusTiger · 14/10/2019 23:51

OP all of our external doors (4 in total) don’t lock when you close them. Like yours you have to lift the handle to lock, but we have to lift the handle for it to catch otherwise the door doesn’t close properly. Can you put a bright sign on the handle/above the handle “lock me”.

You can’t fix stupid I’m afraid and either your lodger or your DP need to take some responsibility for yours and their safety.

timshelthechoice · 14/10/2019 23:53

I'd serve her notice and get a Yale lock.

Original poster
lastqueenofscotland · 14/10/2019 23:57

My mortgage company and insurance company are aware she is there.
I have a gas safe certificate which was renewed in April.

Please explain what the above has to do with me being annoyed about her leaving the door unlocked.

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 15/10/2019 00:06

YANBU at all. Tell her if it happens again she will have to leave, no more chances.

Don’t get some of the hostility towards you on this thread Confused

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/10/2019 00:58

lastqueen - the people asking you about whether or not you've informed anyone that you have a lodger are nitpicking your point about being angry that your lodger is invalidating your house insurance, by trying to see if you've already done that yourself.

Totally spurious nitpicking.

I'd give her notice too, tbh. She's not trustworthy.

Aquamarine1029 · 15/10/2019 01:09

Bollocks to anyone who doesn't think this is a big deal. It is a VERY big deal. I would be telling her that she can pack her bags if this ever happens again. This is about the security of your home, ffs. What kind of idiot doesn't lock the door?

OMGshefoundmeout · 15/10/2019 01:43

Perhaps she comes from a part of the world or the country where leaving your house unlocked is normal? Whether that’s the case or not, I agree that this isn’t on OP. Don’t go ‘nuclear’ on her (whatever that means) just give her a letter or send an email saying that after your conversation on X date back door was left unlocked on XX dates. If it happens again you will be giving her 30 days notice to quit.

Monty27 · 15/10/2019 01:54

Tell lodger that in your absence she is responsible for locking up.
Explain and democracy how to do it.
And give her a yellow card. You can't risk it and you'll end up unable to feel confident enough to leave your home. Angry

Monty27 · 15/10/2019 01:57

demonstrate I mean.
No excuses from her whatsoever.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 15/10/2019 06:55

DH keeps leaving the gas hob on. I've contemplated giving him his marching orders and we've been married for almost 40 years! Grin

YANBU.

minesagin37 · 15/10/2019 07:07

Charge her the extra as she is invalidating your insurance. That will stop her. Or just give her notice and get a different lodger.

StereophonicallyChallenged · 15/10/2019 07:25

My dc used to struggle with the mechanism of the lift and lock OP.
Does she need a lesson? Is she a good lodger in other ways?

Although tbf after showing her I'd give no more chances, she is a lodger and you can ask her to leave for any reason you choose 🤷‍♀️

TheScruffyDog · 15/10/2019 07:40

Get shut of her then change the locks.

You're lucky the house was still there in Moss Side never mind the contents. (We're in "thinks-it's-posh-Salford" Worsley and leaving the door open would still be a massive no-no.

steppemum · 15/10/2019 07:41

the thing is, good lodgers are hard to come by. You are sharing your home with someone, so it needs to be someone you can get along with.
So for me, I would be evaluating whether or not I wanted to lose her, whether she is worth 'saving'

if the answer is no, then I would give her written notice that next time she is out on her ear.

If the answer is yes, then you need to work with her to find a way to make sure she locks the door.

and for those people who cannot read the thread
OP HAS INFORMED HER MORTGAGE COMPANY
and
OP's DOORS CANOT BE FITTED WITH YALE LOCKS

flouncyfanny · 15/10/2019 07:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ketomeato · 15/10/2019 07:47

It’s a big deal and I don’t live in Moss Side. But I used to work there and OP YANBU.

Branleuse · 15/10/2019 07:51

Get someone whos not in and out smoking if she cant even lock the bloody door when shes come back in. Get rid

redcarbluecar · 15/10/2019 08:09

I had a similar situation last year. Lodger, who used to smoke in the garden, left the back patio doors unlocked. As a result I had an intruder in the house one night when I was in. My guess is that they were going through gardens (row of terraces) trying doors to see if they could get lucky. And I also imagine that, unless it was a tremendous coincidence, they’d tried before. So I don’t think your concern is unwarranted.

In the name of household harmony I don’t think I’d go ‘spare’ but the issue does need to be spelled out to her really clearly.

CoraPirbright · 15/10/2019 08:10

It’s a massive deal!! If someone got in and cleared OP out, the insurance company would do nothing. I would give her notice, the stupid woman.

MaybeitsMaybelline · 15/10/2019 08:11

Take the back door key off her - If She can only smoke out front will she remember to lock up?

EleanorReally · 15/10/2019 08:18

have you got a back gate, can you get a lock on gate?