To go absolutely spare at lodger

[lastqueenofscotland]

Last week I went to put something in the garden and realised the back door was unlocked. This was unnerving as I’d no idea how long this was unlocked for.
Lodger goes out for a cigarette most nights and DP likes to bum about in there occasionally.
I sent them both a nice text basically asking if they are going outside to check they have locked up.

I’ve been away since Friday, before I went I checked the back door was locked.
Lodger has been at her boyfriends since Saturday night. I’ve got back tonight and just found the door was unlocked again, so presumably for a full 48 hours. While no one was here. AIBU to completely go nuclear with her?
She’s in her 30s so not a ditsy teen living away for the first time.
I feel really unnerved and anxious about the fact that anyone could have got in in that time. And angry that such a simple step wasn’t taken.

I don't think I'd be having a Yale lock fitted if I lived in Moss Side!

I think you need to sit down with the lodger and spell out the consequences of leaving the door unlocked (re insurance invalidated as well as personal safety) and tell them that if it happens again they'll be looking for somewhere else to live at very short notice.

Evict!

We got burgled 7 times the year I lived in Moss Side.

get bars on the door, my dd lived in camberwell and the whole house was like a fortress

It's not that hard to lock a door behind you when you come back in, is it?

Unless she thinks that pushing the handle up does it?

Lodgers can be told to leave with very little notice...

Written final warning that if it happens again she has to leave immediately. Absolutely no need for aggression., Explain to her it is causing you huge anxiety - your insurance will be invalid along with obvious personal safety issues. She has been asked and verbally warned.

Not "nuclear" but a word needs to be had.
Explain to her that the insurance being invalidated would also involve her belongings too. She will not get them back or paid for if they were stolen.
And give a final warning in writing

If you can't make sure she locks the door I'd give her notice. It's too risky.

You've already warned her once and she hasn't made an effort to lock the door so I think she should go. Leaving the place unlocked for 48 hours is awful.

At my parents' house the front door was UPVC but the door handle was one where on the inside, normal handle, you pulled it down to open the door and pushed it up to enable you to turn the key to lock it.

But the outside it is the same door plate but a knob instead, no handle. This meant when you pulled the door shut behind you you cannot reopen it without a key.

You can definitely still get these, I believe it is called a Lever Pad door handle. Have a google. That way you just replace the door handle and your lodger will need to remember their key to get back in but the door isn't able to open without it.

I would take the key off her for the back door provided it isn't the same key that opens the front and back.

Give her notice based on the terms in your lodger agreement then change the barrels once she’s gone. Quick and easy to do. Next lodger put in a condition stipulating that the doors mist be left secured or tenancy will be terminated. —And tell your husband he’s on his final warning too!—

A few years ago someone l know was in a temporary flat share in the north of Leeds (Hyde Park area). He used to go out for a smoke before bed.
Apparently one night he hadn't locked the door (the front door was on the side of the house) and they got burgled. His flatmate (who had been there for ages with no incidents) went mad. lt was his stuff they stole, laptop, etc. The person l know had to replace the items as the place being unlocked invalidated the insurance.
That still doesn't make up for the stress and inconvenience of being burgled, though. Of knowing that someone's been in your house. lf she can't be trusted to secure the place, she needs to leave. You could have come home to find the place stripped. l'm ex police, l know. lt happens.

IME people who forget to lock doors also forget to turn ovens, hobs, heating and water off. (The chip pan fire meant the kitchen had to be redecorated and the house stunk for ages afterwards - we were very lucky). They leave hair curlers, straighteners and irons on. They forget to pass on important messages and never pay rent/bills on time.

Sometimes it seems to be absentmindedness but sometimes it seems like just not giving a shit.

I wouldn't cope with the worry and anxiety about my house in my absence. I developed OCD after the fire..