In-law situation

[Kinikanas]

Dear all
I was wondering if I m being unreasonable.
My in laws are actually quite nice people but in the past few years they have done small stuff which, combined, has started ticking me off! I have a bit of an aversion towards them and was wondering if it is justified. Here a list:

• FIL is super stingy: he comes to our city once a month for work and stays over at our place but never thinks of inviting us out for dinner or anything
• when FIL comes once a month, he sometimes does not communicate what time and ends up showing up too early sometimes
• MIL forgot I m vegetarian for her birthday so I ended up having a slice of meat giving the rest to husband (didn t want to be rude on the spot). Next day I had indigestion which caused me a loud and long session in bathroom at their place (we stayed over because it is a 3 hr drive), as if I was not embarassed enough, when I got out, MIL asked in front of 10 brunch guests if there still is any toilet roll left in toilet.
• day after wedding FIL asked me twice when we re having babies
• once talking economy and politics and giving my opinion, FIL didn t let me finish my sentence and bashed my comment by saying „nonsense“!
• we are expecting a baby And while my friends and family shower us with gifts, parents in law have done nothing until my hisband felt embarassed and told them if they could also buy some things
• MIL bought cheap polyester baby Gloves (instead of cotton as we asked)
• MIL bought 3 baby clothes all of them saying „i love daddy“ none mentioning anything about mummy
• MIL commented „you look good, you are very full“ during my pregnancy
• They never get me anything for my birthdays, while my parents think about my husbad when it s his birthday, even if just a dinner...
• MIL is very gossipy about people I don t know (neighbors etc) and keeps on repeating the same stories every time I see her
• I ve been made redundant due to pregnancy (in Switzerland there s no protection unfortunately) and my mother was telling my FIL that it s no big deal, worst case I can stay home and care for baby 1-2 years and that she also stayed home for 2 years when she had me, his response was that both partners must work and contribute 50/50 financially because it is unfair to put all financial pressure on one person (notice the guy was a big shot himself at a bank and his wife was taken care of most of her life!)
• I m a mixed child, one of my parents comes from a third world country he had to flee in the 70s for political war reasons, my MIL was a Part time German teacher (when she worked). Once out of the blue she started complaining that she was approached by a volunteering organisation asking her to teach german to refugee families (as part of an integration program) once a week for a couple of hours since she s retired, she was saying: I can t believe they permitted themselves to bother me, I m retired I worked all my life and I want to enjoy it now.... I am so annoyed at this organisation (PS she never had to work hard, only did part time teaching)
• FIL asked us if we want to go to their place for his birthday and I answered that I have a friend visiting from the UK that weekend and that we planned it long ago (shey got her flight ticket and all), he seemed quite pissed off

There are a few more points that I probably missed but I guess this gives you a gist of the situation... am I being ureasonable for not being able to really like them? confused

Thank you

They don't sound like the nicest of people but you sound like hard work. No one should be asked to buy gifts and whilst it's nice your parents want to be hands on with their grandchild, it very much sounds like you expected both sets to provide childcare and help-if you've planned to have a baby this is only your responsibility- even if it costs "half one salary"

@MrMumble
I kind of got the impression this person needs advice due to the intro. Does not seem to me she seeks agreement.
„I was wondering if I m being unreasonable.
My in laws are actually quite nice people but in the past few years they have done small stuff which, combined, has started ticking me off! I have a bit of an aversion towards them and was wondering if it is justified.“
She has also thanked people for their opinions on several occasions. Just because this is cyber-space does not give us the right to bully the OPs. This is not the only thread where I have seen name calling and aggression, there‘s plenty more.

I don't feel you are being unreasonable especially as you are used to parents who are giving.
I feel you have to accept that this is who they are and ensure you have boundaries in place for when baby is born.

Oh god your poor in-laws. You sound grabby and entitled.

Laila78 you are reading and posting on Mumsnet. Doesn't that make you a Mumsnetter too? Everyone has their own opinion and it is invidious to exhort women to be 'nice'. It is a forum for sharing advice and opinions, not Stepford or the Borg collective.

They probably have a fairly low opinion of you too, you seem to expect the world to revolve to suit only you. I'm sure that you make throwaway comments which they find offensive, we all do it. Family shouldn't have to walk on egg shells all the time just because of one pseudo hyper-sensitive member.

None of this sounds like a big deal to me. If they are nice people, focus on that. It’s worth looking for the good in people, especially if they are family.