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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I wouldn't be having these problems if I was pretty and thin ?

62 replies

Hatherden123 · 12/10/2019 19:10

My life is a total mess, crap minimum wage job, husband of 20 years who doesn't speak to me for days on end because "I don't warrent conversation", no sex life for 10 years, three kids, one 15 yeard old with depression which apparently is all my fault as I'm a "a totally crap mum" they all look at me like I'm shit on their shoe just for walking into the lounge, can't help but think if I'd managed to keep my figure and been quite a bit prettier they'd be nicer to me.

OP posts:
KindergartenKop · 12/10/2019 19:12

You have a dh problem, not a weight problem.

sockittome123 · 12/10/2019 19:13

I echo kindergarten

Themyscira · 12/10/2019 19:15

When I lost 17st of dead weight I felt loads better. Leaving my horrible ex was the best decision I made!

BalanchineBallet · 12/10/2019 19:15

Get your husband to Stand on the scales. Whatever the number is, that’s how much weight you need to lose.....

And the good news is, you can do it instantly!

Samosaurus · 12/10/2019 19:15

Your DH sounds the type (from your brief description) who would be an arsehole no matter what his wife’s physical appearance was.

hipslikecinderella · 12/10/2019 19:15

It does sound like you are in a rut.

I dont think being pretty would make any difference. I am not sure how overweight you are - but I do believe that keeping fit and doing some exercise helps with self esteem, which definitely seems to be an issue here.

TottieandMarchpane · 12/10/2019 19:16

YABU. I don’t think that’s it at all.

You need to get out of your rotten marriage which will also give your DC a better example of family life.

How old are the younger ones?

EC22 · 12/10/2019 19:16

Quite warped thinking, so pretty thin women don’t have problems?

Try not to think you’re issues are something out with your control, that won’t help you.

KatherineJaneway · 12/10/2019 19:16

Sounds like you are in a toxic situation. You need to rally your inner troops and fight back. It's hard but you can do it Flowers

ShinyGiratina · 12/10/2019 19:17

First post nailed it.

It sounds like he is grinding you and family life down and the DCs are taking negative cues from him.

WhatsMyName2 · 12/10/2019 19:17

Sounds like nothing to do with your appearance, bad choice of partner maybe

FredaFrogspawn · 12/10/2019 19:26

You could lose weight and have a makeover and you would be even more aware than ever that you deserve better than this oaf. Don’t wait for that to happen - work out a plan to move on.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 12/10/2019 19:32

Pretty, thin people have those problems too.

Ponoka7 · 12/10/2019 19:34

I was thin and beautiful, i was still in sn abusive relationship. This affected my relationship with my children. I got out and everything improved.

Beautiful, thin and successful women get treated like dirt as well.

willieversleep · 12/10/2019 19:35

Triuyhguu if you are measuring your self worth on your weight and how pretty you are then yes maybe life would be different. You wouldn't accept that treatment from those who are supposed to love you if your rated your self worth as greater.

Nobody deserves to be treated like that

Merryoldgoat · 12/10/2019 19:42

I’m really fat. Not especially attractive facially.

My husband is lovely, kind, thoughtful and he’s an amazing parent. My children are well looked after and whilst my life is not perfect, the only thing that would be better if I lost weight would be clothes shopping.

Ditch him. He’s a cunt.

Walnutwhipster · 12/10/2019 19:59

This is so sad to read. Looks and weight are the least of your problems. Your husband is an arsehole. I am a size 6 but have been a size 16 and it made no difference to the way he treated me. I'm also not exactly a supermodel but he makes me feel beautiful, secure and loved. You don't deserve to feel any less.

WhatFreshHell71 · 12/10/2019 20:00

Nope. You're married to a horrible man.

seaweedandmarchingbands · 12/10/2019 20:01

It’s possible they would treat you better if you were pretty and thin, but what does that say about them? Your life is yours and you shouldn’t waste it worrying about what others think of you.

readingismycardio · 12/10/2019 20:02

If you drop him you'll lose at least 15 pounds of useless weight. You have a Dh problem.

Re jobs: any change of changing/train/qualify?

Is your dc getting help?

Boshmama · 12/10/2019 20:04

Huge hugs. The problem is your husband, not you. Do you have any one you can talk to?

CAG12 · 12/10/2019 20:04

Oh OP this makes me feel a bit sad.

I really think you should make plans to leave him.

Stop putting efforts in with in him.

He doesnt deserve anything at all

riotlady · 12/10/2019 20:17

I used to be thin and fairly pretty, I still had a traumatic upbringing, a boyfriend who treated me horribly and terrible mental health problems. I’m obese now and much better mentally, have a beautiful DD, am studying for a career I love and have a kind partner who adores me. It’s not the weight. Ditch the horrible husband and you’ll feel much better.

cacklingmags · 12/10/2019 20:23

Its not your weight OP that is the problem, its the fucking useless piece of garbage that is your husband. He is creating a toxic mix of unhappiness and loathing in a house that could be a happy family without his miserable example.

DonnaDarko · 12/10/2019 20:28

I think divorcing your husband could do wonders for your self esteem.

I know people who would be considered obese that are extremely happy in their lives, and it helps that their OH isn't a c**t.