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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I wouldn't be having these problems if I was pretty and thin ?

62 replies

Hatherden123 · 12/10/2019 19:10

My life is a total mess, crap minimum wage job, husband of 20 years who doesn't speak to me for days on end because "I don't warrent conversation", no sex life for 10 years, three kids, one 15 yeard old with depression which apparently is all my fault as I'm a "a totally crap mum" they all look at me like I'm shit on their shoe just for walking into the lounge, can't help but think if I'd managed to keep my figure and been quite a bit prettier they'd be nicer to me.

OP posts:

NotStayingIn · 12/10/2019 20:32

It sounds like your children are learning to treat people like shit from their father. That’s so so sad. You deserve so much more. It’s nothing to do with your looks and everything to do with a toxic family set up.

PicsInRed · 12/10/2019 20:32

"Pretty and thin" just means a higher number of arseholes buzzing around at any one time, trying to take control of you. It's really not the elixir Disney makes it out to be. It's just extra work.

The problem here is that your partner is a waste of oxygen.

dayswithaY · 12/10/2019 20:35

Pretty and thin women still have shit lives.

Alittleodd · 12/10/2019 20:36

A dickhead is a dickhead regardless of your weight.

When I was a size 6 I was with an emotionally abusive prick who made me beg for affection and constantly told me I wasn't good enough.

My DH has seen me at size 8, size 16 and every point in between and it hasn't once changed how he's treated me.

Sorry you're going through this OP. I'd be willing to bet my left eye that it isn't because of you, it's because he's a fucking twat.

"Don't warrant a conversation" honestly, what a fucking bellend.

ChristmasFluff · 12/10/2019 20:37

When I was 21 and 7 stone 10 I thought I was disgusting.

I'm now almost 11 stone (on the heavy of my weight yo-yo) and I have sex with a 32 year old whenever I want (I''m 54). And I'm living my dream

Weight is fuck all.

People treat you the way you treat yourself. So I'm betting you are WAAAY less that loving with yourself. Change that.

GrumpyHoonMain · 12/10/2019 20:38

Your kids will appreciate you more when you leave - because then they will have to bear the brunt of your husband’s crappiness.

IdiotInDisguise · 12/10/2019 20:43

Why would thinner and prettier would make it better? You can be as lovely or as nasty regardless of your looks.

Honestly, it is not about the weight, he has lost respect for you just you put up with his nastiness.

MelbaToast · 12/10/2019 20:46

I don't think they'd treat you differently if you were pretty and thin. What might work better would be telling them you're not looking after them anymore and tell them you've decided to sort yourself out. Go and do a class or join a gym or something to get you out of that environment. It might give you the self esteem to lose the 14 st that's dragging you down or at the very least shock him into action.

CluelessNewMama · 12/10/2019 21:23

I do agree that there is a level of privilege societally for thin, attractive people but not to this extent; you are in control of your life, if you are not happy then make some changes.

Thehop · 12/10/2019 21:26

I’m overweight and very average of face.

Difference is, I left my cock nostril ex and have a husband who thinks I’m bloody magic. It’s really life changing.

Leave him.

JustDanceAddict · 12/10/2019 21:31

Lose 14 stone - of husband!
Seriously, he sounds like a right charmer and you need to get rid.,

Pinkbonbon · 12/10/2019 21:36

Your husband treats you like shit and your kids are learning from his bad example. Get him out the door for a start.

AcrossthePond55 · 12/10/2019 21:39

One of my BFFs is a true beauty, inside and out. She couldn't look bad if she tried. But her now ex-H cheated on her and left her 20 years ago with two small children. She struggled to make ends meet. Her son was addicted to drugs as a teen (he's straightened out now) but her daughter was recently involved in an abusive relationship and is now suffering from depression. She's getting help but it'll take time. Looks are no guarantee of a happy life. NOTHING is a guarantee of a happy life.

But we can do things to make our lives better and happier. And getting rid of an abusive, disrespectful spouse is one of those things. You may be surprised at how much better your children treat you when their father isn't around treating you like shit. They're modeling his behaviour, you know.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 12/10/2019 21:48

Thin and pretty don’t always go hand in hand. Just as fat and ugly doesn't always go hand in hand
You can be thin and ugly and fat and attractive.
Honestly please don’t think he would would be better if you were a size 6.
You need to dump him. You deserve better.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 12/10/2019 21:49

Look at Cheryl (What’s her name now)
Even she was cheated on.

WhatTiggersDoBest · 12/10/2019 21:58

YABU and goady. Pretty thin people don't have perfect lives and go to any Costa or Starbucks to see how many of them are on minimum wage.

RhinoskinhaveI · 12/10/2019 22:00

Your husband is extremely ugly on the inside, no amount of dieting or beauty procedures can change that
Handsome is as handsome does

Thehouseintheforest · 12/10/2019 22:10

I PROMISE your . Get your weight down and get healthier. ! Then everything else will fall in to place.

I spent 7 years on steroids due to Crohns and asked for weight loss surgery which I had last year. I have lost 7 stone and now feel fantastic. An walk, swim, horse ride and sail !! but best of all knew I didn't have to put up with someone who didn't value me... so I left...

He pulled his finger out and is now dating me. Long way to go yet. I have said a year until I even think about living with DH again. In the meantime my yr 12/13 DC yet my full, unadulterated week time attention , and I date DH on Saturday. It was a wake up. All for him.

Aikaterina · 12/10/2019 22:13

Like everyone else is saying, this is warped thinking. Your looks have nothing to do with how you’re treated. Has someone said this to you?

I think you need to remove yourself from this situation as soon as possible before it affects you even more

Bluntness100 · 12/10/2019 22:14

Are you really saying If you were pretty and thin you'd have a better job and your child would think you're a better mum?

Do you even understand how Illogical this is?

Aikaterina · 12/10/2019 22:16

Just to add, @Thehouseintheforest I can’t believe you’re telling someone they need to lose weight to gain respect. Unreal.

Ohyesiam · 12/10/2019 22:19

True op.
That’s why celebrities never have marital problems.

thatguiltyfeeling · 12/10/2019 22:23

Being thin and pretty may make you feel better/more confident. It may make you feel worse because your problems stay the same.
Your job won't change because of your looks. Your children will still be arseholes (learned behaviour from their dad most likely). Would you even be attracted to your husband if he suddenly wanted to have sex with you simply because you're thinner? I wouldn't be.
It sounds like you need to leave your husband honestly. Life's too short to be stuck in a relationship like that. Your children may be happier, and therefore nicer as they must pick up on the unhappiness in the household. Once you're happier, you may become happier with your appearance, or you may even start to lose the weight because you don't feel as stuck in a rut. When I feel shit I definitely put on weight, and when I feel better I'm more likely to take walks, exercise, eat healthier. Yesterday was a low day and I ate pasta for breakfast. Today was a good day and I had broccoli (not a good breakfast still, but healthy at least).

pinkstripeycat · 12/10/2019 22:23

I am thin and was pretty (15yrs ago) before I lacked sleep after having kids and I have a shit husband and an awful job (altho am training hard for a better one). Thin and pretty have the same problems so thin and pretty won’t help you

ThinkingIsAllowed · 12/10/2019 22:25

This really isn't about being thin and pretty, please don't focus on that. As others have said, this is about your DH being crap. Sorry

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