To think I wouldn't be having these problems if I was pretty and thin ?

[Hatherden123]

My life is a total mess, crap minimum wage job, husband of 20 years who doesn't speak to me for days on end because "I don't warrent conversation", no sex life for 10 years, three kids, one 15 yeard old with depression which apparently is all my fault as I'm a "a totally crap mum" they all look at me like I'm shit on their shoe just for walking into the lounge, can't help but think if I'd managed to keep my figure and been quite a bit prettier they'd be nicer to me.

No Aikaterina , I not telling anyone to lose weight to gain the respect of anyone other than themselves. I want the OP to gain self respect.

That is of course if she is actually overweight/obese . It's a simple factual calculation available all over the web. Just google amp I over weight' ?

She does t need to lose weight for anyone but herself , but when she does, she will no longer put up with crap from others

Also, I'm not saying you're a shit mum at all. But, if you feel shit you're probably not as on form and don't have as much patience or energy. When I was younger I didn't look forward to spending time with my mum because she wasn't happy with her appearance or her life and so the house was quite depressing. Every day consisted of moaning or shouting and we probably had about three or four actually good days a year. Not saying it's the same in your house but your mood probably is affecting your children like my mums affected me.

Well why don't you stop allowing yourself to be treated like this.

If you want your life to change then change it. Start by getting rid of crappy hubby... then work on yourself.

How do you know you’re not beautiful, op? Maybe your horrible family is affecting your self-esteem.

OP I'm short, fat, look like a tomato with hair and haven't worked at all for 15 years, but my husband and children adore me and treat me like I'm the most important person in the world. Which I am to them.

Your problem isn't your weight or your looks, it's the fact that your husband is an arse.

The problem op is how much u think u are worth? It’s not about looks though! U are worth more than this shitty hubby, u are worth more than the skin and body u are in but the soul inside is the important thing.

Have respect for your own self worth and get rid of anyone who doesn’t appreciate you!

I you need a hug. Sorry I can't come give you one but sending a mental one x

Start doing a hobby or class or sport that you will enjoy
Do something out of your normal routine
Try something, if you don't like it, try something else
Make some changes for you !

Jesus, your husband is horrible and your kids are learning from him that Mum is the family punching bag. Awful family dynamics. You poor thing.
This has sod all to do with your looks. I was 23, a size 10 with long shiny hair when my first husband gave me my first black eye. Being slim and pretty didn't save me from horrible abuse and disrespect. It was irrelevant. Plus I bet you look better than you think you do. You're seeing yourself from such a sad, negative perspective.
You need to dig deep here. Summon your strength. It's there somewhere, just dig till you find it.
And then rise. Get shot of that man and start modelling the attitude you require from the kids.
You're nobody's doormat. How dare they?
And don't underestimate how much the toxic home life is contributing to your child's depression.
Good luck. Don't take another day of this crap. Life's too fucking short. Unmumsnetty hug. Please save yourself

I bet you are pretty but you just don't see it. I think you have a husband problem. He is basically bullying you when I bet you would be a changed person without him.

You need to believe in yourself and learn to love yourself again.

Nobody is perfect

Not everyone is pretty
Not everyone is slim

The best things that you can wear ?
A smile & confidence

Love yourself

Some of the most interesting & kind people that Ive met are neither of these

Abusers don't care what you look like. They just like to abuse.