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AIBU?

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Original poster

(False) Rumour I slept with colleague (shaking with anxiety)

106 replies

perez1 · 12/10/2019 15:20

AIBU to ask what to do. Last night after a work event, I went out for drinks with (all male) colleagues. These guys can drink me under the table so I'm always very conscious not to overdo it. At one point in the evening, a colleague who was pretty much drunk started to ask if we had the heard the rumour. But the way he looked away from me and cut himself off made me very suspicious. So I pressed him and it turns out there is a rumour going around that I slept with a colleague. I almost threw up. This is my first grad job and I am distraught. I have been suffering from anxiety (adjusting to new job/city) and this has just about sent me over the edge. I was just starting to get more comfortable.

I know where the rumour originates from and I could kick myself for not being more careful (innocent explanation involving phone chargers). I really don't know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.

OP posts:
MustardScreams · 12/10/2019 16:46

@CravingCheese if I was going into a colleagues room for whatever reason I certainly wouldn’t be wearing what I was the night before, exactly for this reason.

PlasticPatty · 12/10/2019 16:48

Ignore. If anyone mentions it to you, say 'Don't be ridiculous.'

Bluntness100 · 12/10/2019 16:48

Honestly op, we have all been there, the trick is to laugh it off , don't go all heavy duty and make every one squirm. Just laugh and respond with as if, I'm well out of his league, or in his dreams, and move on like it doesn't bother you.

You can also raise it with some folks you like, so ffs I heard people think I shagged x, as if, I was dropping the charger off and laugh. It will get them on side and they will put the rumour to bed for you, as when they hear it they will say nah she didn't.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 12/10/2019 16:49

How old are they 16!!.
Honestly don’t worry about it and Even if you had slept together. Where’s the harm and big deal. It’s only a shag. Not the end of the flipping world.

CampingItUp · 12/10/2019 16:49

Jesus, what a frothing nest of rumour mongers and gossips this thread is. I can see NOTHING ‘inappropriate ‘ about standing in a colleague’s doorway to pass over a phone charger. There is no way I would go full ‘ooo Er missus’ about seeing such an event.

How pathetic and childish.

And gossiping about such a rumour on a night out is contemptible.

The next time someone raises this rumour in your company turn round and say ‘not true, not funny, and not ok for you to keep talking about ‘.

CravingCheese · 12/10/2019 16:51

MustardScreams

That's not what I asked. I washed whether you've honestly never worn the same 2 days in a row...
Anyway, not wearing clothes that look rumpled, being washed, coiffed etc is definitely what I'd recommend as well. But calling the OP filthy? Are you serious?

Aquamarine1029 · 12/10/2019 16:51

Honestly op, nobody gives a shit. Most people don't give stupid rumours a second thought. Don't waste your emotional energy worrying about this.

CravingCheese · 12/10/2019 16:52

'I asked whether'... Not washed, obviously.

MustardScreams · 12/10/2019 16:57

@CravingCheese I didn’t call the op filthy, I was replying to the poster directly above me.

CravingCheese · 12/10/2019 16:59

Ooops, my bad.

TimeforanotherChange · 12/10/2019 17:00

@CampingItUp has it. I like The next time someone raises this rumour in your company turn round and say ‘not true, not funny, and not ok for you to keep talking about ‘.

Although I'd be tempted to say, 'not true, not funny and actually - really unprofessional to be spreading rumours. You're likely to find yourself in trouble if you keep repeating gossip...'

Then I'd change the subject.

Dollymixture22 · 12/10/2019 17:07

This happened to me, but it was a colleague leaving my hotel room - he forgot toothpaste!!

It was years ago and it all does down very quickly. Ignore it, hard I know (i have been there with anxiety), but the more you protest the more attention you bring to it.

Tara336 · 12/10/2019 17:13

Some companies seem to be worse for rumours then others, my last one I lost count the amount of affairs I was having (despite being happily married). Other colleagues were victims of the rumour mill as well, it always seemed to stem from the same few people with overactive imaginations and too much time on their hands! Why they feel the need to do this to people I’ll never know! Jealousy? boredom? Or just plain nasty?

The funniest (although I was angry at time) was when I was seen by a colleague outside a pub near work, I’d arranged to meet a friend for lunch but couldn’t see her car so had stopped to phone and check if I’d got right pub or was she late? While on phone a guy from my team was driving up the lane the other way and saw me stopped and wound window down to ask if I was ok as I had hazards on, I said yes fine and he drove on. The colleague that saw that interaction decided on that basis it was an illicit rendezvous and began a rumour on the back of it! I did force them to publicly apologise to me as I was pretty angry.

Do not worry it will pass but I understand how awkward and uncomfortable it makes you feel

SunshineCake · 12/10/2019 17:17

Stupid advice to say if you did it must have been crap as you don't remember it.

Ignore and if it is brought up again say very clearly it did not happen and if he mentions it again you will take his actions further.

Get help for your anxiety.

Wear lower heels if you can't safely run in them.

Drink nothing or less when on nights out.

Aridane · 12/10/2019 17:19

I’d get a disgusted look on my face and start a conversation about fidelity and how you think people who cheat on their partners are the scum of the earth. And throw in... who the fuck is stupid enough to shit where they eat, am I right?.... and look at people in the eye... some will squirm. And will most likely switch topics to people who slept with someone in workplace and how it all went to shit

No, no - don’t. It will come across as the lady doth protest too much. Plus I don’t think you would be able to carry it off

WickedLemon · 12/10/2019 17:27

If anyone mentions it to you again (which they won’t) just roll your eyes as hard as I did when I read why you were leaving a colleagues bedroom the next morning wearing yesterday’s clothes that you’d slept in - and ignore.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 12/10/2019 17:28

I just have this urge to explain to everyone why I was seen leaving his hotel room in my dress from the night before but know this will only make me look guilty

Please don't even think about it. Anything you say - anything at all - will just be more fuel to a fire which will die down without the oxygen of attention

(Written as one who was told a community manager was sleeping with the beat PC by her own hairdresser ... except that the hairdresser didn't realise the manager was me Grin)

Hesafriendfromwork · 12/10/2019 18:39

@CravingCheese I agree with your earlier post.

Unfairly, these things always impact women more.

BrendasUmbrella · 12/10/2019 19:00

Let it lie. Trying to explain it just keeps the rumour alive for longer. Gossips don't have any interest in believing the truth anyway, it's not as fun.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 12/10/2019 19:11

Ignore it. You won't be able to explain it in a realistic way, and it won't help anyway. Don't accuse anyone of bullying you. Don't address it as a rumour. Leave it be and it'll disappear. Anything you do will add fuel to the fire.

In the meantime, see your GP about your anxiety.

Bluntness100 · 12/10/2019 21:53

It also happened to me, we were in a hotel and my shower wouldn't switch off so I texted a male colleague who I was really friendly with to come and help me

The gossip started as he was seen coming out my room, but my obvious mirth at the thought of it, along with my oh yeah, I'd totally shag him, whilst winking at said bloke, and us both laughing like a drain, put a quick and immediate stop to it.

Had I acted ashamed and mortified by it, then I think people would have believed it.

Hence why you need to laugh it off,

Ponoka7 · 12/10/2019 22:06

@LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood, well done for starting a rumour of your own. Luckily the OP doesn't work with you, pr she'd be branded a drunk as well.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 12/10/2019 22:10

At one point I was the only 20-something single woman in my (large) office. I knew many of the rumours that went round about me (and I guess there were more I didn’t know about) - it seemed I only had to say hello to a male colleague for the rumour mill to go into full swing and the gossips to put two and two together to make 976. I can only assume they didn’t have enough to do.

I ignored it all - I knew it wasn’t true (honestly, not with someone else’s barge pole...) and I adopted the ‘Never apologise, never explain” standpoint.

(And they never guessed the person I actually was in a relationship with!)

catspyjamas123 · 12/10/2019 22:32

I’d actually consider it workplace bullying and harassment. It is not on to spread false rumours OR to be a bystander while others do it. Still stopping it is difficult.

PablosHoney · 13/10/2019 15:57

Just say ‘Yes I did, it was really weird that he screamed his mums name when he came’