How to console my 26 yr old - he is heartbroken

[pinkelephantsanddietcoke]

My oldest boy DS16 has just been dumped. He's devastated. How do I help without saying the obvious 'you'll get over it' etc?

He's 16. Not 26 🙈

Validate his pain,
Tell him you know it hurts like hell.

Reassure him you're there to talk - and to cry as much as he needs to!

Oh poor thing. It's such a horrible feeling. In my experience boys often fall really hard for girls at that age and are very romantic. Pretty soon he'll have his eye on someone else; he just has to get through it. So sorry for him!

Poor sod. Take him out for a treat tomorrow? An amusement park & pub dinner if you can afford it? Or something else he might enjoy?

I'll probably get criticised for this, but if you've got any alcohol in the house could you allow him a couple of drinks with you? Might make him feel a bit 'grown up'.

I agree validate his pain, leave his favourite food and fruit lying around.

Yes to pp. Don’t dismiss it as just a teenage romance that didn’t mean anything. In time yes he will get over it but at the moment it’s raw and painful. Teenage emotions are all over the place anyway let alone with heartbreak involved.

Just be there for him and let him know that he can talk anytime he needs to.

Poor thing. Lots of hugs and sympathy.
I'm still not over being dumped at 16! It's brutal.

I think “you’ll get over it” is the worst thing you can say. It trivialises his feelings. I’d say it’s ok to feel devastated, it’s natural, in a way it’s like a bereavement and you grieve just the same because you’ve lost someone. It leaves an emotional scar that becomes part of you. The best thing (in my experience) is just to feel like your pain is being noticed and you’re being supported.

Sympathise, let him know you are always there if he needs to talk, but give him space to process his emotions.

Perhaps not appropriate but only cure is getting laid again 🙁

Oh it's awful to see them go through this. Tell him you are there for him, ready to listen if he wants to talk about it. Could he have some friends over to watch a movie/ play station/ whatever, I've noticed my ds' and their friends all rally round when one has a breakup, just to distract them and keep them company. Hopefully he'll feel a bit better in a few days, it won't be quite as raw.

Funny films, ice cream, one on one sofa time with you.

Bless his heart, that's tough.

Just be there for him, kind and loving and let him talk.

Awww. Poor thing. Agree that the worst thing is to dismiss or minimise. My estranged mother used to do this and it just made me feel I was cut adrift.
There’s nothing you can do other than make a fuss of him and acknowledge his pain. Let him know that it’ll pass and that you’re with him all the way.

You sound like a lovely mummy. Trust your gut! Great advice on here.

Aw poor guy. Let him vent about his ex but never join in- allow him to say what he needs to say without saying anything against the ex yourself because he may well be hoping she (or he) will change her mind. Let him have hope if that’s what he needs. He’ll realise in time it was for the best but let him get there in his own time. Agree with offers of hugs, movies, nice food and validating his pain. We’ve all been there. It’s totally shit

Spoil him, listen to him and keep an eye on him.

When I was dumped at that age my dad insisted on walking me round all the local roads for ages. He was way ahead of his time as rhythmic movement is highly soothing in traumatic circumstances.

If he is suffering tomorrow, try to get him out for a good long walk. Also great for encouraging open conversation as you aren’t face to face.

Hope he’s soon feeling stronger.

Agree with validating how much it hurts. My DS had this at 16. I listened, a lot. Agreed that it was completely horrible, and that it hurt. No point trying to tell him otherwise. He did get himself back together (helped by meeting someone else) and is fine now, but had a bad time for a bit. All I could do, really, was acknowledge that he was having a bad time, listen when he wanted to talk about it, and withdraw when he didn't.

It feels like the end of the world at that age, so make sure he knows you understand, and that you're there for him to talk whenever he wants to, and that he can cry when he needs to.

Other than that, I'd say distraction was the best option. Films, snacks, maybe a day out somewhere he likes tomorrow? Preferably somewhere where he's too busy to be moping on his phone or anything like that.

He will be absolutely fine, probably very quickly - but it won't feel like that right now!

It feels like the end of the world at that age,

It feels like the end of the world at any age. All of the above. Tell him you know he feels like his heart has been ripped out and empathise. Tell him to always go high-still treat her with respect and kindness (even if she's been a bitch and you want to rip her face off) because he's better than that. And love him. Poor boy. It's proper shit-but he'll learn the responsibility of having someone else's heart in his hands from this. No consolation for either of you, I know.

@thebakerwithboobs that's a lovely answer. You made me get a wee bit tearful. And more hopeful, if folks like you are raising those who shall rule the world.

Poor lad but as most of us will have experienced at some point it happens, it's shit but in time it stops mattering.

You can give him all of the clichés and reassurance but really none of it will register with him when the hurt is still so raw; The best you can do is try to keep him occupied, busy doing something/anything because it will help him not to dwell on it.

If he won't go for a walk, drive him out in the dark. The movement helps somehow.

My DS shut himself in his room with his guitar for a fortnight and wrote his first songs...

Just be there alongside. You know he'll get over it and be happy again but he can't hear that. At most you can tell him he won't go on feeling like this forever.

I feel a bit bad now. When my dcs get broken hearts, I listen, I make comfort food, and then I suggest physical activity,usually in the garden. Cleaning out the pond cures most stuff, in my experience.