Who is bu me or DH

[CleaningConfused]

Namechanged for this as outing.

Our cleaner (agency) is moving away so DH approached the agency to see if they had anybody else we could use. They came back and offered us a 19 year old girl who is new on their books, local to us, good references etc. and also offers a babysitting service. Sounded fantastic, so arranged to have her visit us with the agency manager.

DH conducted the visit and it transpires that this girl is a part time student (Childcare) at the college where he works. He is now flatly saying that under no circumstances can we employ her. The problem is that the agency has nobody else in our area who can do those times and offer the babysitting as well.

DH's job is managing the databases, IT systems etc at the college - he doesn't teach or ever really come across students other than walking past them in a corridor - the only reason he recognises this girl is because her name is alphabetically the first in the entire place, so he sees it every time he opens one particular database.

I am annoyed that we have found essentially the perfect cleaner but now DH is saying we can't employ her! Am prepared to be told that I am being U, and yes I get that there would be child protection concerns etc about having a student in his house if he was a teacher, but surely this is different? Opinions please ladies? :D

Not everyone here is a 'ladies'.

Your DH sounds a bit unhinged. What's his reasoning?

Can't he check with HR at work? They will be able to give a definitive yes or no as to whether it's appropriate.

There must be other cleaners and agencies?

I fully understand your DH's reservations. I would be inclined to fully agree with him.

The agency seems a bit crap if they only have 1 possible cleaner on their books.

Yes, check with HR. See what the legal position is.

I agree with him. I don't think its appropriate.

He should consult HR about an official policy ruling on this. I can't see an ethical issue with employing her so long as everything is kept professional.

It's not appropriate.
Also, maybe he fancies her?

I don't really see the problem. She's 19, not 15. Doing a job.

I'd check with HR if he is concerned.

She is 19 and not in anyway vulnerable, she is providing cleaning and possibly babysitting I really don't see the issue.

I am with others run it past HR so nothing is shady and then get on with life. Is he even likely to be in the house when she is cleaning or babysitting??

Did your last cleaner babysit? If not, why does it now seem to be a dealbreaker?

If he was her supervising lecturer I might feel differently

All he needs to do is speak to HR, it’s nit a big deal, especially as she is through an agency

However, I’d personally doubt that a 19yo training in something else is going to be your best option for a cleaner. So if it’s making DH uncomfortable I’d just ring around other agencies or ask for recommendations through friends or FB - same for baby sitters.

YABU. Your husband doesn't want to employ her he feels uncomfortable and like he will be put in a vulnerable position. That should be enough for you. Find a new agency.

I agree with your dh, I would hate anyone associated with my work to have access to my home and family like that

Your DH is a absolutely right- it is about safeguarding and boundaries. There's loads of people advertising as cleaners I'm sure you can find one with a bit more experience and flexibility! :)

I think it's inappropriate because of his professional association with her even if he's not a lecturer. He could check with HR but I wouldn't go ahead with it myself

I agree with your DH. He may be trying to avoid a potential MeToo case in the future. It may sound reasonable to you but from an outsider's view, unless you would be available to explain or defend him everywhere, it doesn't look right.

I wouldn’t want a student from my institution in my home unattended irrespective of my job. Just the idea that she could be going through drawers and cupboards and gossiping with other students about my home would put me off. ( the fact that she probably / may not do that doesn’t really matter there is potential there)

He won''t want a student in his house, knowing his business. Fair enough.

I agree with your DH. Boundaries are important and sticking to them protects everyone involved.

You’re BU.

He doesn’t want a student in his personal intimate space, cleaning his toilet and babysitting his child. Irrelevant that he’s not a teacher, he’s a member of college staff. Surprised you can’t see that.

I completely agree with your husband and if he isn’t comfortable with it, why would you make him?

Surely the company doesn’t just have her or nothing?

The problem is that the agency has nobody else in our area who can do those times and offer the babysitting as well.

What times are you after that nobody else can do?

Just get a different babysitter.

I agree with your husband - he wants to maintain boundaries and he's right to do so.

Apart from anything else he probably doesn't want his private life gossiped about around college - what his house looks like, how messy it is and any other personal details she can find while she's cleaning your house.

I agree with him, he's not comfortable with a student in his own private house. Fair enough.

i think if your dh feels there is an issue, then you should accept his word, maybe its the access to student information as he's IT, does he work from home ever? could he be put in a possition that grades could be changed on records. I dont know what exactly he feels is wrong, but if you really cant find anyone else, then maybe ask him exactly what he feels is wrong about it. Maybe he wouldnt have an issue with her doing part of the job like babysitting.