Who is bu me or DH

[CleaningConfused]

Namechanged for this as outing.

Our cleaner (agency) is moving away so DH approached the agency to see if they had anybody else we could use. They came back and offered us a 19 year old girl who is new on their books, local to us, good references etc. and also offers a babysitting service. Sounded fantastic, so arranged to have her visit us with the agency manager.

DH conducted the visit and it transpires that this girl is a part time student (Childcare) at the college where he works. He is now flatly saying that under no circumstances can we employ her. The problem is that the agency has nobody else in our area who can do those times and offer the babysitting as well.

DH's job is managing the databases, IT systems etc at the college - he doesn't teach or ever really come across students other than walking past them in a corridor - the only reason he recognises this girl is because her name is alphabetically the first in the entire place, so he sees it every time he opens one particular database.

I am annoyed that we have found essentially the perfect cleaner but now DH is saying we can't employ her! Am prepared to be told that I am being U, and yes I get that there would be child protection concerns etc about having a student in his house if he was a teacher, but surely this is different? Opinions please ladies? :D

I completely get where your DH is coming from. Does he know about the trial shift?

If he's not signed up, don't sign her up, OP.

It perfectly reasonable for him to want home and work kept separate. It's perfectly reasonable for you to want the best cleaner/babysitter and be keen to hire one - he probably is, too. Neither of you is being unreasonable here, I think, which is why it's hard.

One of you needs to yield out of consideration for the other's concerns. I think he could, if this young woman is in her final year and is ace at the job. I think you could if she's got years to go and is mediocre. If you yield, he should take on recruitment as part of the deal.

The majority of posters agree with your dh yet you have disregarded their and most importantly his opinion by calling her for a trial. Is it really that difficult for you both to clean your own house till you find someone more suitable?

Your husband doesn't want this woman in your home. Why is his privacy not being respected?

Imagine if you said to him 'I don't feel comfortable with that workman' and he said 'hey great news, the workman is coming round every week from now on and sometimes he'll be here on an evening too'?

So you've completely ignored not only your husbands concerns but all the opinions you asked for. What is the point of this thread? Drama? To make you feel important? I feel sorry for your husband that his wishes on who has such a big access to your lives, your home and your children, clearly dont matter to you. If she accuses him of something or tries to blackmail him and he has to give up his job and gets backlisted (because even if hes cleared and hasnt done anything his name will still be mud in the industry) how are you going to afford a cleaner and a babysitter then?.

Why would you go against your DH? He has perfectly legitimate reasons for saying no but you just ride right over them. Would you like somebody from your place of work to have access to your house?

It's unlikely to happen but as PPs have said, mixing work and home life puts your DH in a potentially vulnerable position. I wouldn't want someone where I work to have that much knowledge about my home life. Seems like you don't care about his feelings though and just want to get your own way.

Your husband doesn't even know she's coming for a trial shift? Fucking hell OP that is shit

Even if shes sweetness and light itll get out she works for someone with access to her records including grades. Then the whispers will start that she clearly didnt work for those grades. Or if she did it was on her back. People get jealous and start rumours. This is a fact. Those rumours will hurt both her and your husband because even if nothing official is said others will look at him differently. Thats how rumours work.

Your DH sounds a bit unhinged

Unhinged? Really? bloody hell

I don't either of you are BU overly UN but if it bothers him then I'd probably just try to find someone else/different agency

This isn't just about safeguarding or privacy. Your DH has access to the databases and other IT systems. If anything happened that suggested her transcript had been altered in her favour, or if it didn't happen but one of her peers decided to start a rumour? Or if she started leaning on him to change a bad mark?

This is not a good idea. He is too vulnerable. If he worked in the catering department it might not be the same, but the nature of his job means that he has to be extra careful.

Thanks for the responses everyone! She has a trial shift today so will see how she does and what DH's reactions are! x

Does he know about the trial because if he doesn't that's a bit of a dick move on your part

I agree with your DH. Cancel the trial. Can't imagine why you'd think a cleaner is more important that your DH's job!

I agree with your husband

Your DH said no.
So why is she getting a trial