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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is bu me or DH

65 replies

CleaningConfused · 11/10/2019 10:27

Namechanged for this as outing.

Our cleaner (agency) is moving away so DH approached the agency to see if they had anybody else we could use. They came back and offered us a 19 year old girl who is new on their books, local to us, good references etc. and also offers a babysitting service. Sounded fantastic, so arranged to have her visit us with the agency manager.

DH conducted the visit and it transpires that this girl is a part time student (Childcare) at the college where he works. He is now flatly saying that under no circumstances can we employ her. The problem is that the agency has nobody else in our area who can do those times and offer the babysitting as well.

DH's job is managing the databases, IT systems etc at the college - he doesn't teach or ever really come across students other than walking past them in a corridor - the only reason he recognises this girl is because her name is alphabetically the first in the entire place, so he sees it every time he opens one particular database.

I am annoyed that we have found essentially the perfect cleaner but now DH is saying we can't employ her! Am prepared to be told that I am being U, and yes I get that there would be child protection concerns etc about having a student in his house if he was a teacher, but surely this is different? Opinions please ladies? :D

OP posts:
Whatsnewpussyhat · 11/10/2019 11:17

Sorry, i'm with your DH on this one too.

Dljlr · 11/10/2019 11:20

How bizarre. I'm a lecturer and one of my students works at my child's after school club! Who cares? What's his issue?!

ThatMuppetShow · 11/10/2019 11:23

your student does not work in your own home. You might not have an issue with it, but others do. It's absolutely fine not want to keep work and home absolutely separate.

Also fine not to want to employ the daughter of a colleague as a babysitter - it's not just about rule, it's also about your sense of privacy.

ThatMuppetShow · 11/10/2019 11:23

*fine TO want

Bluntness100 · 11/10/2019 11:26

I can see his issue, he doesn't want a student in his home knowing his business. If she made any accusations against him it would cost him his job, I'd agree with him, find someone else.

And I'd respect his feelings too.

Bluntness100 · 11/10/2019 11:26

I'm a lecturer and one of my students works at my child's after school club

How is that even remotely the same? Confused

mummmy2017 · 11/10/2019 11:31

Cleaners see so much about your life's , more than you know, from wages to hearing your arguments, or your choice of undies.
If she gossips and she would even if by accident how would you feel about pupils knowing your secrets?
I think your husband has a right not to have to worry about this conflict of interests.

AlexaAmbidextra · 11/10/2019 11:38

it is about safeguarding

There’s that word again. How the fuck is it about safeguarding?

18995168a · 11/10/2019 11:43

There’s that word again. How the fuck is it about safeguarding?

DH may want to avoid any possible suspicion that could arise from having a child student in his home if he’s alone with her. You could certainly argue that a child being in the home of an adult member of college staff, alone with him, may raise a safeguarding concern.

Not that there’s any reason to believe that’s the case but it’s not a stretch, considering how careful teachers have to be about being in a classroom alone with a student.

Teddybear45 · 11/10/2019 11:46

Someone in IT could get into databases to change grades etc. So no your DH is not being unreasonable.

fancytea · 11/10/2019 11:47

At 19 she's an adult woman so references to her as a 'girl' or 'child' are inaccurate.

I completely agree with your husband. It's about professional boundaries.

ThatMuppetShow · 11/10/2019 11:47

from having a child student in his home

Hmm

she's 19...

18995168a · 11/10/2019 11:47

Oh, I misread. Thought she was sixteen.

No safeguarding concerns then. Just boundaries.

BrunetteBuns · 11/10/2019 11:49

YABU and your DH is correct. Your new potential student will have records, classes and grades recorded on the college database he has access to. He’s safeguarding himself and his job from potential accusations. Find another agency if needs be. It’s as much about protecting your DH as the student.

blackcat86 · 11/10/2019 11:49

Your DH is not being unreasonable. It's a breech of professional boundaries. He probably doesn't want a student from work seeing his home etc. Find someone else. If not through that agency then another firm.

Disfordarkchocolate · 11/10/2019 11:51

She's an adult with good references there is no reason not to give her the job. He probably interacts with students in shops etc all of the time with no idea who they are.

onanothertrain · 11/10/2019 11:56

I completely agree with your DH, I wouldn't like a student having access to my home. If he's uncomfortable with it that should be enough for you to reconsider, I'm sure if the situation was reversed you'd expect his support.

Belfield · 11/10/2019 11:57

I wouldn't like anyone associated with my job to be cleaning my house. He is not comfortable with it so there is nothing you can do about it.

Batcrazy101 · 11/10/2019 12:15

Why are you even asking on here. Your husband has raised a concern that would cause him to feel uncomfortable, why does It matter what anyone else thinks?

But since you asked
You are being very very VERY unreasonable to force him in to a situation he doesn’t want (and it doesn’t matter what that reason is).

Conkerer · 11/10/2019 14:20

Absolutely no way. In his position, I'd want to remain on professional terms with everybody in my working life. I'd feel very uncomfortable having somebody from that environment clean up after me and look after my children when I go out.

(Also, it's got idyllic-life-turns-into-nightmare TV mini series written all over it!)

DeathStare · 11/10/2019 14:31

I agree with your DH.

However I also don't think it matters whether we think your DH is being reasonable or not. I don't think anyone should have someone they don't want working in their home if they aren't comfortable with it, no matter how stupid/unreasonable the reason.

I do though think that it is now your DH's responsibility to find another cleaner (one who you are both comfortable with) or to do the cleaning himself until one is found

messolini9 · 11/10/2019 14:37

However, I’d personally doubt that a 19yo training in something else is going to be your best option for a cleaner.

Why on earth not?
I was a great cleaner when I was a full time student. Even charging 50p/hour over the going rate, because "I use more elbow grease" ...

Mummyshark2018 · 11/10/2019 14:47

I'm with your dh. I wouldn't want a student in a place I work cleaning up my personal and family mess.

Jog22 · 11/10/2019 14:48

I'm with your DH. I'm a cleaner. I could see a hell of a lot about the lives of the people I clean for if I looked. Of course I don't look and I 'don't see' if something is right in front of me because I'm aware of and respectful of boundaries. Your DH is uncomfortable. You just need to find another cleaner, look at local FB groups, get some recommendations. You'll sure to find someone eventually.

Original poster
CleaningConfused · 18/10/2019 11:43

Thanks for the responses everyone! She has a trial shift today so will see how she does and what DH's reactions are! x

OP posts: