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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

She’s off sick again

72 replies

HereWeGoAgain345 · 11/10/2019 09:25

Regular poster but name changed.

My husband works in retail. The manager is repeatedly off sick. My husband works most weekends but gets the occasional Saturday off when the manager is meant to be working. However she always always finds a way to wriggle out of it. Sickness, holidays that require cover (but when his holiday comes around she tells him he has to schedule it to fall around his usual Saturday off. If she does cover she expects him to repay the favour. Fine, but then when she’s off sick or on holiday apparently there’s no requirement for her to cover him in return).

She has countless hospital and doctors appointments that take all day despite not having any significant health issues, she seems to have at least one funeral to attend every few weeks, she pretends to work through her lunches and then claims back the time, she never works a full day when my husband is there - and yet management have made no move to address any of these issues. The expectation is simply that he will cover when she’s off, regardless of any plans he might have had for his day off.

It’s having an impact on our marriage, our health and his relationship with our children. We have three - a six year old, a toddler and a nine month old and he never sees them. Taking care of them alone every weekend is really taking it’s toll on me and that one day we get every few weeks makes such a difference - I live for it! - so when it’s taken away with no regard for the impact it infuriates and depresses me.

My husband is reluctant to raise the issue as he feels it will reflect badly on him. Apparently the ‘culture’ there means he’ll be viewed as a trouble maker. This doesn’t appear to apply to the manager though?? My view is that as long as he keeps quiet there’s no incentive for them to address it. Who wants to oversee an absenteeism issue if it can be avoided? It doesn’t help that the manager is a huge bully who makes everyone’s lives a misery. It’s actually at the point now where they are - to some extent - relieved when she’s not there.

So now we find ourselves in yet another situation where she’s been signed off and he’s expected to work on his one day off in weeks, no questions asked. And of course she won’t be repaying the favour when she finally returns to work.

AIBU to ask him to refuse? Can they force him to work?

Longterm he clearly needs to take some form of action - either a grievance, transfer or similar but right now my focus is on the legalities of refusing to work on his day off. Does anyone have any knowledge in this area?

OP posts:

Passthecherrycoke · 11/10/2019 09:27

If I were him I’d look for a new job. I think the thing is in retail they tend to be pretty poor employers and don’t really care as long as they have a bum on seat so to speak

LittleLongDog · 11/10/2019 09:32

It sounds like a nightmare for you all but two things stand out:

She has countless hospital and doctors appointments that take all day despite not having any significant health issues You don’t know her life, she could have any number of health issues.
Your DP needs to grow a backbone and say no. If he’s too scared to just say no then he should say he has pre-made, unavoidable plans that he can’t cancel.

StealthPolarBear · 11/10/2019 09:35

When do they ask him to cover? Does he have to check his phone? What would happen if he turned his phone off five mins after leaving a shift and didn't turn it on again until five mins before the next shift?

Bibijayne · 11/10/2019 09:38

YABU to say she has no health issues. I would assume she does if she has lots of appointments.
YANBU to be frustrated with the situation. He needs to say no. If she is sick or unavailable for her usual shifts, he doesn't always have to cover them. I assume these are overtime shifts? He needs to say no, he cannot do them.
it's probably time to look for a new job which gives him a more reliable schedule so he can have family time.

PeopleMover · 11/10/2019 09:41

I don't really understand why he can't say no?

"Can't, family wedding"
"MIL's birthday, no can do."
"I've got tickets to an event, can't do it."

What happens if he says no?

Howyiz · 11/10/2019 09:43

He is being asked to change his shifts, he can of course say no, sorry I have plans already made. If he always makes it easy for her to do this she will continue to do it.

Countrylifeornot · 11/10/2019 09:43

He has to say no. Stick to his rota, do his allocated shifts, don't answer the phone in between times.

beargrass · 11/10/2019 09:43

Second what others say - you can't know what's going on so be careful. Otherwise:

"I have a long-standing commitment which I can't change."

Don't get drawn into specifics, just use that.

zafferana · 11/10/2019 09:44

If she's been signed off work then presumably she does have some health complaint that you're not aware of.

Yes, he should say no to working on his one day off.

He needs to either address the issue with HR or leave.

Westfacing · 11/10/2019 09:48

This so reminds me of a nursing manager I had some years back - she truly never put in a full week's work.

Funerals, sickness, best friend's cancer diagnosis, travel problems, and sneaking off home at lunchtime on a Friday, down the back stairs. Fortunately she only stayed less than a year before getting another big job back in her home town.

AmIThough · 11/10/2019 09:48

You need to stop assuming you know what's going on with her health - you don't.

Your husband needs to grow a backbone and learn to say no.

LittleOwl153 · 11/10/2019 09:49

If he is working 7 days a week with only the occasional day off then yes there is likely a working time directive he can use to say no sorry I can't cover. Without knowing his full shift pattern it is impossible for anyone to say. (he is entitled legally to 11hrs between shifts, and 1 x 24hrs break in each 7 days which can be combined to 48hrs in 14 days)

But at the end of the day he has to say no he won't do it.

CatPunsFreakMeowt · 11/10/2019 09:51

YABU to say she doesn’t have ‘significant health issues’. She clearly does with as many hospital appointments as you describe.

Yes he can say no to covering her shift.

Aderyn19 · 11/10/2019 09:52

The simple solution is just to not cover her shifts. The company will draft an employee from another branch to do it, but of course they are going to go for the easier option of getting your dh to do it, if he is amenable.
He just has to say that he has a prior commitment and cannot do her Saturday. Make sure he takes all his full entitlement to his own holidays and break times.

Blueoasis · 11/10/2019 09:56

People on here need to stop assuming that everyone who says they are sick is actually sick. This woman is another piss taker like many others in the work place. She makes up shit to get out of working. People like this do exist sadly, makes a mockery of the ones who are actually ill.

But your husband does need to grow a backbone and learn the word no. Someone else can cover for once. It can't be just her and him there.

Bluntness100 · 11/10/2019 09:57

If she's getting signed off this much I'd assume she does have health issues, just simply your husband doesn't know. Most companies deal with extensive abenteeism promptly. If they are not it would appear there is confidential information you and your husband have no right to know.

ChicCroissant · 11/10/2019 09:59

OP, I get that you are frustrated about being alone at the weekend but don't put pressure on your DH about this - he's already getting it at work if he has to cover and he doesn't need it at home as well. Honestly, you need to back away from this and leave it up to him.

His contract will say whether he is expected to cover for staff absence and holidays, and it probably does.

PeopleMover · 11/10/2019 10:00

I don't think it makes any difference if she's genuinely sick or not. Who cares?! It makes no difference to the fact that OP's DH just needs to say no. Unless he doesn't want to for some reason...

Perunatop · 11/10/2019 10:02

He needs a new job.

daisychain01 · 11/10/2019 10:02

It doesn’t help that the manager is a huge bully who makes everyone’s lives a misery. It’s actually at the point now where they are - to some extent - relieved when she’s not there.

Look at this as the root cause of your DH's problem. Culture of fear, poor management, dumping on your DH when he has (presumably) booked and had approval for statutory time off using his contractual leave allocation.

At the heart of every workplace problem, is ineffectual management, people not doing the job they are paid to do which is managing their team, motivating and inspiring.

The manager's sickness absence (amount, duration) is not your DHs concern, it never can be. What he needs to decide is whether he is willing to continue to be dumped on. The situation is unlikely to change unless the manager has a complete personality transplant, to become the manager they should be.

He must regain control. A written grievance with factual evidence about the impact on him specific to his contract of employment will give him a clear understanding as to whether higher management/HR are willing to address the matter. If they drag their heels and kick it into the long grass, he has his answer.

Meanwhile he should get his CV out there. Taking no action doesn't sound like it's an option.

Original poster

HereWeGoAgain345 · 11/10/2019 10:04

Thanks so much for your support and advice, everyone. It’s a relief to hear others say I’m not BU because sometimes even my husband makes me feel that maybe I am.

I’m terms of health issues it truly is insignificant things - she tells him all about it. Toenail problems, a clicky wrist(?!), etc. Never anything that you’d expect would require a lot of time off - she even admits her doctor just gives her a certificate whenever she asks for one.

Sadly it’s hard for him to find another job because we are in a small village in the north so finding other work is difficult...

I’m going to share your responses with him so he can see how unreasonable this expectation is. They don’t even ask him to work. He’s just informed that she’s off sick and won’t be back for a couple of weeks and he’s just expected to cover. If he refuses he’s told that’s not an option and that it’s all about “give and take”!

OP posts:

FavaBeansAndANiceChianti · 11/10/2019 10:04

I do feel for your husband but this stood out for me:

despite not having any significant health issues

You have no idea whether or not she has health issues. I have 'countless hospital appointments' and it's due to a genetic condition that very few of my friends and colleagues know I have.

Zaphodsotherhead · 11/10/2019 10:06

But surely there must be other staff too? Unless there's just the two of them working there?

In our shop in the case of absence, someone rings round all the staff not rota'd on first, and then asks staff who are on to double shift to cover. We can ALWAYS say no - it's management's problem to solve. There are no brownie points for always being the one who says yes, and not much extra pay for a call-in.

Aderyn19 · 11/10/2019 10:09

Then he needs to raise it with HR that he's doing all the giving and none of the taking.
Or maybe he should take some sick time off himself. If I had a shitty, unappreciative employer, I'd so chuck a sicky every so often. Or get signed off with stress if I could - I think your dh sounds ground down by it all and some time out might help him get some perspective on how to stick up for himself.

57Varieties · 11/10/2019 10:13

Poor management. She’s taking the piss because they let her. If management won’t deal with it and your husband won’t raise it as a grievance then he either sucks it up or finds a new job.

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