She’s off sick again

[HereWeGoAgain345]

Regular poster but name changed.

My husband works in retail. The manager is repeatedly off sick. My husband works most weekends but gets the occasional Saturday off when the manager is meant to be working. However she always always finds a way to wriggle out of it. Sickness, holidays that require cover (but when his holiday comes around she tells him he has to schedule it to fall around his usual Saturday off. If she does cover she expects him to repay the favour. Fine, but then when she’s off sick or on holiday apparently there’s no requirement for her to cover him in return).

She has countless hospital and doctors appointments that take all day despite not having any significant health issues, she seems to have at least one funeral to attend every few weeks, she pretends to work through her lunches and then claims back the time, she never works a full day when my husband is there - and yet management have made no move to address any of these issues. The expectation is simply that he will cover when she’s off, regardless of any plans he might have had for his day off.

It’s having an impact on our marriage, our health and his relationship with our children. We have three - a six year old, a toddler and a nine month old and he never sees them. Taking care of them alone every weekend is really taking it’s toll on me and that one day we get every few weeks makes such a difference - I live for it! - so when it’s taken away with no regard for the impact it infuriates and depresses me.

My husband is reluctant to raise the issue as he feels it will reflect badly on him. Apparently the ‘culture’ there means he’ll be viewed as a trouble maker. This doesn’t appear to apply to the manager though?? My view is that as long as he keeps quiet there’s no incentive for them to address it. Who wants to oversee an absenteeism issue if it can be avoided? It doesn’t help that the manager is a huge bully who makes everyone’s lives a misery. It’s actually at the point now where they are - to some extent - relieved when she’s not there.

So now we find ourselves in yet another situation where she’s been signed off and he’s expected to work on his one day off in weeks, no questions asked. And of course she won’t be repaying the favour when she finally returns to work.

AIBU to ask him to refuse? Can they force him to work?

Longterm he clearly needs to take some form of action - either a grievance, transfer or similar but right now my focus is on the legalities of refusing to work on his day off. Does anyone have any knowledge in this area?

Why is it always him asked to cover? Why no one else?

*People on here need to stop assuming that everyone who says they are sick is actually sick. This woman is another piss taker like many others in the work place. She makes up shit to get out of working. People like this do exist sadly, makes a mockery of the ones who are actually ill.

But your husband does need to grow a backbone and learn the word no. Someone else can cover for once. It can't be just her and him there*

This too.

If it’s his one day off in weeks he may not be getting sufficient rest under the working time regulations. He needs to raise it but if he won’t and management won’t there’s not much he can do. He should just refuse to do it. It’s a shop, no ones going to die because a couple of people are off.

He should join a union. Even with no recognition agreement they can help in many ways Usdaw traditionally organised in retail but others do so now. Maybe look at Unite.

If it's been weeks with no full day off then legally he should be raising that as a serious issue. He's entitled to time off, and his work will suffer if he's exhausted. But if he refuses then there's not much you can do. Im not surprised it's impacting your marriage.

Of course he can say no. If necessary the higher ups will have to cover. This is just poor management, who can’t be arsed to properly address the situation and scapegoat your dh.

When my dh moved to his current company, there was, still is, a big mouthed direct report. He has taken her in hand. She’s been in tears, had to go to hr twice and he has basically decided she shapes up or ship out because her behaviour is unacceptable and creating a toxic environment. But it took someone standing up to her. Many people just don’t, especially men I find when it is a nightmare woman.

Has your dh been in his job for over 2 years? Does he have a proper contract? If he does, he needs to start voicing his concerns with Hr so that this is addressed and putting his boundaries in place.

Can he talk to the person above his manager .
Tell them what is happening, and that he wonders if they can employ someone else to cover the mangers time off.

Has he opted out of the Working Time Directive? If not, they can't make him work more than 48 hours in any week and he is entitled to one day off in every 7-day period.

If he hasn't signed an opt-out, they can't make him work.

If he has, I'd suggest he just says no now and again, claiming a prior arrangement that can't be broken, and looks for another job.

Retail is shite though. And the UK should never have been allowed the opt-out from the directive imo.

OP 2 things to note here

1. you have a DH problem - he doesn't have a work problem. He needs to grow a backbone and quickly

2)if he cant do that then take the mantra - if you cant beat them join them! He can start taking imaginary TOIL, he is stressed and could get signed off easily etc so maybe he could start doing that. When upper management ask why he can explain that this woman's behaviour is the reason and see if they do anything.

Essentially he needs to put his big boy pants on either way.

We have these types of people in our office. Whilst its true you don't always know what is going on with people, there are some others in this world who take the absolute piss and make it difficult for everyone else (including those who are genuinely sick!). Case in point - we have one repeat offender right now who embarrassed herself beyond belief at an out of work function in front of work people and has somehow managed to get signed off for "work related stress" for 4 weeks because she was too ashamed to come in and face the music. As per usual, now everyone else is picking up the slack during a very busy time.

Your husband needs to start saying no, the more he does the more management are going to just assume its OK for him to work. It needs to be looked at from a point of view of if your DH is overworked and ends up being signed off himself, then what are they going to do.

All your anger seems to be directed at this woman. However, it is your DH who needs to manage the problem by either refusing to work his day off and highlighting it to the higher ups.
The expectation is there for your DH to cover for her, because that is exactly what he does and he never does anything different.
He agrees to her face because he can't risk disapproval from anyone, then comes home to you and gives you the grief and complaints.
He needs to get a new job or start asserting himself to the higher ups. It is likely your DH's job replicates his family dynamic...another sibling gets away with stuff all the time, but I don't want to tell Mummy on her because they'll both be cross with me and then what'll I do?
His job has become his family.

Just a quick question but when you say only day off do you mean that he already works 6 days a week?
I ask because legally he must have 2 day off out of any 14 day period as such if he is being asked to work more than this they are already breaking employment laws and any pressure that they may put on him just exasperates the issue

My husband is reluctant to raise the issue as he feels it will reflect badly on him.

It’s a relief to hear others say I’m not BU because sometimes even my husband makes me feel that maybe I am.

I get that his reluctance is causing issues for you but this is his job. If my husband got this involved mine, I'd tell him to back off and that as an adult, I'm more than capable of sorting out my own business.

Are you absolutely sure your husband is as annoyed about this as you are?

Is there a tiny possibility that he sees working as easier than looking after his 6 year old, toddler and 9 month old?

I know my ex used to work extra hours rather than look after his own kids.

Can you manage if he loses his job?
Does he get overtime?

This has actually happened to me.

I rang our regional manager and said I could not cover the last of many absences as I would be at a wedding on my day off.

The next tine I rang and said I was at a funeral that day.

The RM had to arrange cover and on one occasion had to cover herself.

The absence stopped.

As pp said the time directive stuff would probably apply here. But once he states that's why he's not prepared to take on another shift because he legally has to have a day off, it will be viewed as aggressive and not part of the 'give and take' culture of the work place.

He needs to let her fail under her own steam. Right now he's doing managerial work (and not being recompensed for it, though he can put that on a new CV perhaps?). So every time she's not there and a management decision is needed redirect the problem to her.

The customer can email directly to her, feedback on the company website with her name (eg, there was no duty manager around to resolve a complaint), tell customers to come back in when she might be in (she wont, so you'll get disappointed customers). I'm guessing that scheduling isn't part of his duties either. Let that fall at her feet when the shop floor is understaffed.

Basically he needs to be Teflon coated about this with grumpy customers and the crap management.

In retail you are disposable, he is not serving himself or future job prospects by bowing down to this bs.

The WTR opt out only applies to the 48 hour working week @LakieLady not to the daily and weekly rest breaks. Good point though they may be breaching the 48 hr working week if there’s no opt out

"People on here need to stop assuming that everyone who says they are sick is actually sick. This woman is another piss taker like many others in the work place"

Whether she is "genuinely" sick or not is irrelevant -the OP's DH can't control that.

Her DH just has to say No. At some point it will be escalated up the chain and someone somewhere has to deal with consistent absence.

What does his contract say about cover expectations? How long has he worked there? And how accessible is his manager's manager?

I think he needs to look for another job, it seems to be a workplace culture problem. If the senior managers won't do anything about it then he's screwed.

I know my ex used to work extra hours rather than look after his own kids.

This is a fair point, could he be avoiding family life under the guise of ‘needing’ to work?

Retail is crap, it really is. The pay is low and the hours are shit. I worked in plenty of retail jobs as a student and none of them were great. Your DH needs to find a new job really, that will resolve all of this. Something other than retail would be a great start, the hours aren’t very family friendly.

Join a union. He doesn't have to tell anyone at work if he doesn't want to but he can get practical and legal advice and most of all support. In this situation it sounds like he needs all three. Hope he is keeping a diary of all these days off he has to work to cover absences and noting how much notice and what reasons. If there is also bullying and threats at work, he should note those down too.. and screenshot any emails/texts. Plus a record of how many hours he is actually working a week.
It will probably surprise you how much it adds up and maybe will strenghten his resolve. He's under a lot of pressure from the sound of it.Best of luck

I think it's telling that you're the one starting a thread about it and trying to resolve it - what's your husbands take on it?

Does he not mind about the impact it's having on your marriage and not seeing his DC?

Or does he actually not mind going into work to cover for her?

I think he needs to tackle it, not you. Speak to an employment lawyer.

Or how about he starts going off "sick" too? If she can do it so easily, why not your DH?*

*disclaimer: I'm not suggesting she's not genuinely ill; it could be difficult to get the time off.

1. he must start saying no. Would suggest no reason is given beyond that he is unable.
2. he must start actively looking for another job, even if it means travelling a bit further afield.

She's onto a cushy wee number isn't she OP, any days she doesn't want to wok, your husband just picks up the slack. He either finds somethings else, or he grows a pair of balls.

Is he in a union? do you know if he's said no? when does he hear that he has to cover. Eg. Today is Friday and they have told him he has to work tomorrow? Why can't someone else do it?

Two scenarios stand out for me:
a) he doesn't actually mind
b) he needs to grow a backbone