To be disappointed that DS 13 has been allocated to share with "difficult " DC on school trip

[rookiemere]

DS13 was really looking forward to school trip. He is an only DC and loves company. He was looking forward to sharing with his friend, but instead was asked by the coach to share with boy who has picked a number of fights and is close to expulsion.

I know why they've picked DS- he is fairly level headed and can be reasonably kind. A similar thing happened on a primary trip. I'm just a bit annoyed and disappointed for him, it's a tricky age and his friends are probably more popular than he is and I worry that by being in with this lad DS could be excluded as well. Also feel we paid a lot of money for the trip so why shouldn't DS be able to fully enjoy it with his pals.

When you say 'share,' do you mean the journey or the room?

Sorry I mean the room

I agree with you. What did your DS say when asked? I’d phone up any say your DS was out on the spot but after further reflection he’d rather be with his friends. If it was normal school life I’d say he should crack on, but a paid for extra curricular trip is different.

I'd speak to the school and politely - yet firmly- ask that this doesn't happen. I know 'someone' has to share with this boy but that's their problem to solve and I'd want my boy with his friends or at least, people who are neutral to him

I have an almost 13 year old DS so I can understand how you feel about it

Time to step in and say no, he's sharing with his friend. It's his holiday too, and not his problem.

Oh dear - it's too late now. DS only mentioned it yesterday morning and DH and I both thought that the right thing to do was to encourage him to be ok with it. I did tell DS that just because they were sharing a room didn't mean he had to spend all his time with him.

Yanbu your ds is being disadvantaged to the advantage of the other child. why should he be 'punished' for his good behaviour. I hate it when schools do this. You should speak to the school and ask that this be changed.

I'd phone the coach and say you aren't happy and neither is DS. He will have to change the arrangements

Try speaking to teacher/ school?

I always remember I was the child who had to sit next to a more difficult child on coach trips etc. My mum never understood why until years later when it turned out she was the only mum who never said anything to the school about it!

You might not be able to change things on this trip but it would stop a repeat of this in future I suspect.

Sorry and they left yesterday morning.

I'm really surprised by the responses I thought people would tell me he had to suck it up. It's too late for this one, but I will be making sure that a repeat doesn't happen on foreign trip next year.

How long are they away for? Are you allowed contact to see how things are going?

Its only 3 nights, last night was first night. It's a good idea though I might see if I can check somehow how things are going.

Is it only 2 people to a room? If not, Is there any way yours son's friends could be split into two separate rooms so that this other boy still gets to bunk with your son? I think that now this other boy knows he is sharing with your son, it will be all the more hurtful to him of he finds out your son has asked to be moved.

I'm sure he will be able to spend most of the time away with his friends and will only be sleeping with this lad. If the lad is the type to try and persuade others to get up to mischief then I hope your DS is able to say no and remain strong. If the lad does cause trouble on the trip hopefully the coach will be able to remove him or put your DS in with others.

I'm going to text the coach and check how things are going. I won't ask for him to be moved but I will ask him to monitor the situation and ensure that DS is ok and not having a miserable time because of the situation.

Op I would have spoke to the coach. your ds came to you telling you he is unhappy about soemthing and especially as he is away from home. You just dismissed his concerns and sent him off because doing something to please the other boy/seeming right was more important.
contact your ds and ask him if he is ok and if he still wants to be moved.

Has he had personal issues with this boy and is scared to share a room with someone who has been physically violent or aggressive with him, or, does he think he should get to bunk with his friends on a school trip and is disappointed that he isn't?

I certainly wouldn't change the rooms around for the latter and wouldn't have put them together if it was the former.

I only knew about it on the morning of the trip and DS said he was pleased that the coach thought so much of him that he would ask him to do it and disappointed that he wasn't sharing. He didn't seem devastated and I didn't want to make a big thing of it. Also if I start texting it could create a scenario where there isn't one.

It's very hard to know the right thing to do in all circumstances. I have texted the coach to see how he's getting on.

We have a similar child in my daughter's set. If it was only two people to a room, I would not allow my daughter to share with the other child due to safety concerns.

If it's more than two people to a room, then maybe your son's friends could be divided so your son shares with a friend and this other boy.

For what it's worth, I was a difficult child in first year of secondary and didn't have many friends. I remember we went on a three night residential trip a few months into the year and, horribly, rooms were allocated aloud by the teacher on the bus on the way there! I was put in a room with a sensible group of three girls and I remember them having a bit of a moan about it on the way. But the end of that trip, and still several decades later, we are very good friends and one is DD's godmother.

chilledbee he has had no personal issues with this boy and isn't concerned for his safety. I'm actually surprised that a boy who is apparently two detentions away from expulsion is allowed to go on a school trip, but bless him DS is the least likely person ever to be involved in a physical fight.

Oh lord, I wouldn't have allowed that.

That decision is not made in your child's best interests.

Hopefully your son will be ok.

Parenting can be a steep learning curve.
This is a lesson for you.

Your child is not a teaching tool for the coaches/teachers to use to manage the challenging children.

Your son is as much entitled to share with his pal's as other boys.

Even though they can be a dose, as your son is an only child I would highly recommend doing a sleepover if it's possible.

At that age some boys just love them.
They have great fun.
They really bond and it becomes a lovely shared memory that helps forge friendships.

If you have one shortly after they return from the trip it will help with that.

Hope everything goes ok🤞👍

I had this ! Got put to share with a girl I disliked but who was attending my school for year 7

I don’t think they will do anything to be honest but it’s worth saying something

It sounds like your DS has got a sensible attitude to this and I would leave it rather than escalate it.

It's only 3 nights, and sharing with your friends isn't everything.

I think it's quite normal for schools to separate 'best friends' on trips like that - everyone learns to be a bit more resilient.

The fact that it was a costly trip would annoy me even more.

When he returns I would also be asking him to tell you this type of thing sooner.

When my children go on trips, who they share with is one of the first things I'll hear about.