To be disappointed that DS 13 has been allocated to share with "difficult " DC on school trip

[rookiemere]

DS13 was really looking forward to school trip. He is an only DC and loves company. He was looking forward to sharing with his friend, but instead was asked by the coach to share with boy who has picked a number of fights and is close to expulsion.

I know why they've picked DS- he is fairly level headed and can be reasonably kind. A similar thing happened on a primary trip. I'm just a bit annoyed and disappointed for him, it's a tricky age and his friends are probably more popular than he is and I worry that by being in with this lad DS could be excluded as well. Also feel we paid a lot of money for the trip so why shouldn't DS be able to fully enjoy it with his pals.

As its already in place then probably best not to rock the boat now .Can you talk to the School in case of future trips?.Sometimes boys who are badly behaved can be calmer with a good influence ,so you should be proud that he is chosen . Someone has to share with him or he is not able to go ,and that would be a shame as many children have difficult home lives and few treats .I wouldnt like it either but if DS doesnt make a huge thing of it then try not to worry .

I agree totally. You can't expect a school trip to be like a social holiday. It's all been planned down to the second with risk assessments etc so teachers would be aware of who they've put where. You're not guaranteed a room with your best friends by any means.

I think I wouldn’t contact the coach. It’s only three days. He’ll be fine. We can’t all have life exactly as we want it all the time.we have to get along with people we’re not keen on.

We can’t all have life exactly as we want it all the time.we have to get along with people we’re not keen on.

Well we shouldn't have to when paying through the nose for an expensive trip.

As it's already happening, and your son seemed okay with it then why rock the boat now? He's probably having a great time, how much time does he spend in the room anyway? Kids do have to learn how to get along with all sorts of personalities, the ones they like and the more difficult ones. Maybe this is a good experience all round for him.
The 'odd' kid in my primary school ended up being my best friend in secondary school and is still my BF 30 years later...

Your son sounds like a really lovely young man. I hope the coach sends a quick reply.

I think your plan to get in early for next years trip is a good one. He deserves a trip where he can be with people he is closer to.

Regardless of price, when you book in a group, you're restricted by the group. He shouldn't expect to choose his roomie on a school trip

Right so I have texted the coach and asked him to keep an eye on DS but not to let him know I had asked him to do so as he is disappointed not to be sharing with his friends - from a couple of interactions I've had by email with him he seems like a nice chap and will do so I think, also lets them know that I'm aware of what has happened .

They only found out sleeping arrangements on Wednesday and then DS didn't mention it until Thursday morning when they left.

I feel a bit bad as well as I know the parents of the other boy enough to have a brief chat with them.

For what it's worth OP I think you've done the right thing. Your son wasn't upset, he realised it was a compliment to be asked, and by supporting him in what was essentially his decision to not push back against it, you've shown him that you respect his right to solve his own problems and approve of his desire to be kind above being selfish. I'd say that's a win. Hopefully he has a nice time.

Thank you peachgreen it's so hard to know the right thing to do in these situations, but this thread has been so useful and I'm glad I started it because I would never have thought of dropping a text to the coach by myself and also I will absolutely ensure that DS gets a room with friends on the language trip and will tell him that.

Another one just to say for what it's worth your son sounds lovely, and while I'd also be irritated and it's certainly not his 'job' to babysit naughty child, hopefully he'll have a positive influence on naughty child and they'll all have a great time.

Why on earth is such a badly behaved pupil even allowed to go on a residential school trip ? That is the question ii would be asking

It's not easy to exclude students who have certain difficulties/background. Quite right too.

Your son son sounds great & very sensible.

I do think though that it shouldn't be up to another child to be used to try to counteract/diffuse another's behaviour.

Why couldn't the coach have been in with the boy?

Well, I'm guessing that that wouldn't work due to numbers.

But if the coach wasn't able to or didn't want to then I think that the boy shouldn't have been able to go.

Hope that your son enjoys himself & manages to spend time with his friends.

My DS was put in a very similar position on a recent school trip. It was fine in the end, as they only shared a room to sleep, and DS had a great time with his friends doing the activities during the day. I can see why you are concerned, I was too, but it will likely work out fine, especially if your DS is not too upset by the arrangement.

Punished for being reliable and livel-headed,

It is ever the way.

As you say - it's too late to do anything about it now (and at least it's only 3 nights) and although your son would prefer a different room-mate, he doesn't seem gutted.

But you'll know for next time. You can ask him in advance if he's happy with the person he's sharing with.

I think people are being a bit hard on you, blaming you for not rushing to the aid of your child when you only found out about the sleeping arrangements shortly before they left.

Why couldn't the coach have been in with the boy?

Am I the only one who can see problem with this suggestion?

Such an arrangement leaves them both vulnerable diddl. The boy to abuse (God forbid - but by definition we can never know how safe a child is), and the coach to an unfounded allegation if this difficult boy decides to get nasty.

OP, I think you have absolutely done the right thing in this instance. Your DS has been chosen for an important role/responsibility with which other children have not been entrusted. It's a credit to you that he's trustworthy enough to be asked, and that he's willing to step up to the plate. Hopefully he'll make the most of it and see that he can be kind and responsible, while still enjoying himself.

That said, I would bring this up with the school if it becomes a repeat occurrence. I'd be saying something like, "While I appreciate that someone has to share with the difficult child, DS has already done so on a previous trip, and now it's someone else's turn."

Our school asks the dc going on a trip to write down the names of two other kids they'd liketo share a room with. There are no rooms for 2. That way, they are almost guaranteed to room with a mate. Assuming they both put down each other!

I think they had asked DS who he wanted to share with. I suspect that DSs name was on the list of other boy and no one had listed him. Rooms for 3 would be much better but they are staying in a hotel.

Actually it has reminded me of DSs many good points. It was a real struggle getting him to pack for the trip and in the end there was a late night run to get a necessary item, which could have been avoided by a bit of forward planning, but fundamentally he is a good egg and I need to focus on the positives a bit more.

Your DS sounds a super young man.

School have created this by putting them in a room of two. If there is a child that no-one wants to share with then don't make them the responsibility of just one other child. All DS's school trips have tended to be rooms of three/four. When they were twin rooms in a Premier Inn for a couple of nights they were all on the same corridor so no-one was isolated other guests were not affected by noise.

I would intervene with the school and ask them to change arrangements.

Sometimes boys who are badly behaved can be calmer with a good influence ,so you should be proud that he is chosen

I am going to disagree with this, why should a well behaved child be used as a calming aid for a badly behaved child? It is the teacher or coach's job to deal with difficult pupils and this job should not be pawned off to another child, from experience the only thing that happens in this scenario is the well behaved child has a hellish time of it and their time is disrupted as they feel they have been made "responsible" for the behaviour of the other kid. it is lazy coaching/teaching to do this.

"Such an arrangement leaves them both vulnerable diddl."

Sorry, yes, absolute brain fart there!

I was thinking along the lines of why should another student have the responsibility & not an adult, but obviously didn't think far enough

OP, you were told very late so it was difficult for you, though that might that have been the intention!

If children aren't behaving, I don't believe they should be brought on these types of trips.
The teachers or coaches don't need the additional pressure.

I do not think it's the job of a level headed child to smooth the path of either the teacher or other pupils, when parents are paying for a trip.

I would not be happy with that at all.

If it doesn't work out, where is the amenable child left.