To want to spend some of my bonus on myself..

[Spanglyprincess1]

I got a small performance bonus under 600 quid after tax but I'm happy with it.
So far it's gone on birthday present for dsc and Christmas for x3 dsc and my ds.
Rest has gone on car repair bill and other bills. Nothing left for myself.
I haven't bought new clothes in over a year and other than doing slimming world, I do nothing else for myself money wise.
Is it selfish to wnat to spend a chunk of it on myself? Either on shoes or clothes or a day out.
No idea how to achieve that but basically I'm a tad grumpy!

Not at all, you earned it, you deserve something for yourself

You’ve spent a lot on your dsc.
Maybe speak to your husband about what you would like for xmas if the £600 is now spent on family.
Yadnbu

It's not selfish at all and you should just lift a certain amount of money for your own use.

These things are always easier said than done and like yourself, I have found myself in a position where I have "deserved" to spend money on myself but sadly that mothers guilt often rears its head and you end up spending it on someone/something else. Try to beat that urge and get some well earned enjoyment from your hard work.

Christmas was happening without the bonus, so spend that on you

You're entitled to spend something on yourself, there's zero reason to begrudge yourself a little treat.

Your son and stepchildren are all sorted, so next payday (or use your credit card) splurge a little, don't make yourself miserable denying yourself when you could very easily have a treat.

Well since you’ve covered Christmas use some future income to buy yourself something.... you don’t need permission.

Why haven't you had new clothes in a year op? I take it that you have a (hopefully employed) partner if you have step children.

It’s not selfish to want to spend some on yourself.

How did those spending decisions come about?

Last year a big chunk of my bonus paid for my adult stepchildren to come on holiday with us. So I’m not against spending on stepchildren!

But I’m wondering how you ended up spending on them (and your own child) instead of yourself.

Make it a point to spend £10 on something you want, no matter how silly.
In worrying about others sometimes we neglect ourselves.

How would you have funded those things without the bonus? If the money would have come from the next couple of months pay then set aside a chunk of money on payday for you. If paying for those things was going to become a debt (I.e. being put on a credit card) then maybe using the bonus for them was a good thing as it will save interest in the long run and maybe there will be a bit of extra cash in a few months time to treat yourself. It’s not unreasonable to want to spend some of it on yourself but very much depends on financial circumstances at the time.

Hpw was your OH planning on funding birthday Christmas presents for his kids before you got your bonus?

He gets the big present eg a tablet and I get all the other stuff Inc advent calanders etc.
Clothes for a year was because I. Bought the house and my car so everything went on that and doing repairs etc to the house.
My name only BTW as not married hence why I paid for house repair redecorating etc

Why not buy an outfit that will do you on Christmas days out and Christmas day?

I'm slimming down, so not buying clothes, but I've bought two full outfits.

You should be having a personal share of the house income.

So why did you decide to spend so much on his kids, and not leave anything for yourself?

They could have had one less of “all the other stuff” each, and you used that money on you.

Good point ref next month. I can do it then I guess!

Do you get similar disposable income?

We have them this Christmas and it's my dc first proper Christmas where he isn't a tiny baby.
Plus with 4 kids you don't need to spend much on each for it to disappear!

I always spend a chunk of my bonus on myself! I’ve earned it and I work bloody hard. Last 3 have been mulberry handbags.

We have separate finances. He has a lot of pre relationship debt n we are unmarried

Mmm I want some new Dr martan shoes... As they last forever plus are good. For. Winter walks as very waterproof.
Maybe I could ask. For. Xmas instead....

They’re getting things like tablets from their dad though. They don’t need any other ‘stuff’, and if they do - why isn’t he paying for it?

I always get Xmas and birthday presents for my stepchildren - but every year my husband tells me I don’t have to contribute, because they’re his kids, his responsibility. I still want to, but I really appreciate that he doesn’t expect it.

It’s fine to put yourself in the position of spending it all* on your family, lots of people put kids above themselves for treats.

But what is making you feel it would have been selfish to do otherwise?

*I know some went on bills - I mean all of what you could have spent on yourself

So, he has debt. And you bought the house with him - very sensible. So let me guess, you’re subbing him with these Xmas presents because after maintenance and debt repayment (if not before) you have more disposable income?

*without him

Because I want them to have a good Christmas. And I don't want my son to miss out either.

Your son is a baby, he won’t miss out.
It is FINE to spend money on yourself.
Why do you feel it’s selfish to do so?