We should be kind on Christmas Day?

[marmitedreams]

I have seen many threads in the last couple of weeks with people asking if they are being unreasonable for wanting to exclude relatives and in-laws on Christmas Day. Surely Christmas Day is a time for peace to all and love to all. A lot of people seem to be selfishly worrying that they will not have a great day. We should all be thinking how we can help others have a great day.

Unless there is a backstory of horrible abuse, why not use Christmas Day as an opportunity to be kind.

I do use CD as an opportunity to be kind...to myself! I spent years hammering up and down the motor way to spend Boxing Day with family only to be met with tension and pouty foot stamping for various reasons. About five years ago I decided to make CD just for me and my kids and it's absolutely brilliant. We get up, have pancakes for breakfast, open presents, walk the dog by the river and stop at the pub that is always open; Prosecco for me, lemonade for them. Then home and I leisurely cook the dinner helped along with more Prosecco while they examine their presents and build Lego sets. Dinner a Christmas movie, selection boxes. Then Boxing Day it's more of the same. We love it and I will never go back to accommodating everyone else's wishes.

I've done the hosting, gritting my teeth and partaking in the ordeal of board games etc. I've done the visiting, just as bad. So for the last few years I've ignored it. Just treated it like a day off. Last yesr I even went for a nap in the afternoon. Christmas doesn't happen here.

Some people deserve to be on their own at Xmas due to their behaviour during the year.

This year we are spending christmas at home just the 4 of us. We have had the guilt trips form both sets of parents, one memorable message from mil saying we are ruining xmas, lots of conversations about how can we possibly get presents sorted by mid dec when we are visiting. But my dh agrees. Every year for the last decade we have travelled over 200 miles back to our hometown. Then we spend the next 3 days visiting various family members because dh family refuse to all come to one place, so its xmas eve visiting his grandparents in 2 different places 40 miles apart, then christmas day at my parents, boxing day visiting his parents and sibling. Then we drive 200 miles again home. With a 4 yr old and 1yr old, this year we refused to make them spend most of it in a car. My dh doesnt get much time off over xmas. I didn't want to be kind to relatives that have had it their way for years I want to be kind to my husband and my kids and myself tbh.

Because sometimes people are arseholes and you don’t want to spend Christmas with them .
That’s the case with my bil and his partner , they’ve been dicks and decided they won’t come and see us at all because I had the cheek to say I wanted to spend Christmas Day with my mum for once instead of their side of the family ..

The problem I find is that you cannot please everyone and that by being 'kind' and inclusive to one person or set of people it's often at the expense of others .

Also I, like many others, usually have to work on Christmas Day and usually the days around it. The In laws live 4 hours in one direction, my parents 4 hours in the other. I can't fit everyone in, it's impossible.

I'm also autistic and to be honest find Christmas and the time around it very very challenging. The decorations, the music, the bright lights, the amount of people in shops etc. I have a very low social battery and I need to be very careful, and sometimes yes, I have to be a little selfish so I don't become unwell for months afterwards.

A twat is a twat 365 days a year. They don't suddenly morph into a vision of tidings and joy at midnight and remain that way for 24 hours.

You can be kind any time of year. However if there is someone who routinely ruins Xmas for you year after year i'd start avoiding them on that day

Also, what's this nonsense being peddled about men doing nothing?

In both arms of my family, and of DH's, Xmas Dinner is planned, cooked and served by men. The men in my life all put plenty of effort into planning gifts and nice events for their children either alone or with their partner. And the women in my life don't turn into social hermits leading up to Xmas to save money. They're also not scouring good housekeeping for stuffing recipes. I don't think I know anyone who buys good housekeeping magazine.

Xmas day means nothing to me as I'm not a christian and if I was I'd be working in a homeless shelter instead of contributing to the mass greed and consumption. I find it all disgusting.
My family know better to ask me to take part. I'm normally working all over this period as the whole "festival" fucks up all of the clinics for months on end and vulnerable patients get overlooked.

Actually, this thread has given me a great idea about how to deal with Christmas and the inlaws.

I will simply tell them they are most welcome to come to mine for Christmas.

They are narcissistic control freaks who consider themselves and their house far superior to anyone's elses, so I will be quite safe. They would never dream of travelling to pay someone else a visit, as in their world, it is an honour for people to visit them (they don't actually have any visitors except family, but that's how they think). They also hate the countryside and the prospect of getting slightly muddy, so I'm very safe.

Never again will I sit through sniping comments about my career, earnings, choice of hobby, etc on Christmas day, and not allowed to answer back because according to MIL "not in my house". Strange that doesn't apply to FIL and BIL being rude to me.

@WelcomeToShootingStars

Also, what's this nonsense being peddled about men doing nothing?

In both arms of my family, and of DH's, Xmas Dinner is planned, cooked and served by men. The men in my life all put plenty of effort into planning gifts and nice events for their children either alone or with their partner.