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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another child threatening to make Ds perform sexual act on him

78 replies

MyMyMy19 · 09/10/2019 21:09

Not AIBU but really need some advice!!
Ds aged 9 came home crying today after school as a boy who is 10 at his school has today threatened to beat DS up tomorrow and then make him "suck his c@@@"
I am disgusted, shocked ,upset as is obviously my DS. He doesnt want to go to school and is quite frankly scared of this boy.
What am I to do?
It was too late in the evening for me to contact the school when I found out so tomorrow morning is the first time I'll be able to speak to anyone about this.
I'm rightly very upset and angry and am trying to think what to do best for my Ds but where do I start?

OP posts:
LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 09/10/2019 21:11

You start with the safeguarding lead at school (the school website should tell you who that is.)

NerdyCurvyInkedandPervy · 09/10/2019 21:11

Straight to head of safeguarding if you know who that is, otherwise his teacher.

Raspberrytruffle · 09/10/2019 21:26

Start with reporting to the relevant authorities it's not normal that, please report it

Ohnoherewego62 · 09/10/2019 21:27

Report it straightaway and maybe keep DS off until it's been resolved.

Hope you're both ok.

Breastfeedingworries · 09/10/2019 21:29

That’s awful! I would report to the school and social services. The other boy might be being abused at home. Children who are around sexual behaviour can often think it’s normal. He might be experiencing abuse at home. :(

LoyaltyBonus · 09/10/2019 21:31

Go straight in to see the head tomorrow, with DS if you want, so he doesn't go into class.

It's a serious safeguarding matter and should be treated as such to keep your son and others safe. Please don;t expect to be told how the other boy is "dealt" with though. This will likely raise serious safeguarding concerns for him.

stucknoue · 09/10/2019 21:37

You need to report it for bullying but the expression is used to intimidate rather than demanding a sexual act, it's even used by comedians (could be where he got it from). Report through the normal channels first thing in the am

Velveteenfruitbowl · 09/10/2019 21:39

Tell a member of staff at the school. That’s deeply concerning. If the school has a counsellor available then I would encourage your son to go.

ColaFreezePop · 09/10/2019 21:40

@stucknoue maybe but a child of 10 shouldn't be saying that and some schools don't take bullying seriously enough.

AthollPlace · 09/10/2019 21:42

It’s not unknown for a child to rape or sexually abuse another child. I wouldn’t be so sure he won’t actually do it, and it would cause lifelong trauma for your child. I’d report to the school but I’d also remove my child for his own safety.

Noodledoodledoo · 09/10/2019 21:45

Just echoing others definitely speak to the head or safeguarding lead. Talking of sexual behaviour like that is a massive flag.

TilandPop · 09/10/2019 21:47

I’d go in to school tomorrow with son, and speak to the head. I wouldn’t let him into class until it’s solved.

Namechange9122 · 09/10/2019 21:47

Straight to headteacher in the morning and if i was in your position I would be keeping my child with me until he felt safe from this other threatening child. I would also inform social services, even if the school say they will do it, still do it yourself.

LionKingLover · 09/10/2019 21:55

Your poor son. Straight on to talk to the headteacher tommotow x

Original poster
MyMyMy19 · 09/10/2019 21:56

Thank you for the replies and advice.
I will go and see the headteacher tomorrow who I believe is the head of safeguarding.
Ds has suffered with poor mental health in the past and has had a lot of support to help him through this Elsa/camhs etc I really dont want this to set him back but think it is something that will stick with him unfortunately.
Have had to complain a few times to the head about a different child and different circumstances and have been fobbed off each time so I dont have much faith in the school tbh but I certainly wont be leaving Ds in their care until its resolved properly.

OP posts:
VenusTiger · 09/10/2019 21:57

“Suck my cock” isn’t a threat in those terms OP especially not from a 10 yr old - he’s trying to be hard. As regards the bullying though, it needs nipping in the bud, parent to parent imo.

Breathlessness · 09/10/2019 22:03

Worst. Advice. Ever.

DoctorAllcome · 09/10/2019 22:03

Yep bullying. Meet & give a written letter to the headteacher/principal. If you put what happened in writing, they have to open a file and actually do something about it.
www.bullying.co.uk/bullying-at-school/advice-on-making-a-complaint-to-your-child-s-school-about-bullying/

LoyaltyBonus · 09/10/2019 22:06

Yes "suck my cock" is similar to "kiss my arse", no one is actually asking you to do it.

However, Op said the boy had threatened to "make him". It will all be in the context which is going to be difficult to get to with 9yos involved.

How are you expecting it to be "resolved properly". If there are concerns about the boy they won't be able to discuss them with you.

HeavyChopping · 09/10/2019 22:07

“Suck my cock” isn’t a threat in those terms OP especially not from a 10 yr old - he’s trying to be hard. As regards the bullying though, it needs nipping in the bud, parent to parent imo.

OMG - ignore this advice. Everything about it is wrong.

Contact your school's DSL tomorrow (Designated Safeguarding Lead), first thing.

Dyrne · 09/10/2019 22:07

VenusTiger In my view there’s a difference between an offhand “suck my dick”; and what’s been said here, which is “I’m going to beat you up and make you suck my dick”.

Both are concerning comments coming from a 10 year old, but the latter has an added element of violence to it imo.

You’re doing the right thing following up with the Head tomorrow, OP. Make sure you follow up any meeting via email: “thank you for agreeing to meet with me, as discussed blah blah blah”. That way if you don’t feel it is resolved or your son is supported, you have a paper trail to make escalation easier.

And make sure to give your son lots of reassuring cuddles and praise him for being able to confide in you. Flowers

overnightangel · 09/10/2019 22:15

““Suck my cock” isn’t a threat in those terms OP especially not from a 10 yr old - he’s trying to be hard. As regards the bullying though, it needs nipping in the bud, parent to parent imo.“

And you’d take the risk with your own child would you @VenusTiger?

Shite advice

Pud2 · 09/10/2019 22:16

Talking to the school tomorrow is the right thing to do. It is for them to decide how to deal with it in terms of safeguarding. They may have other information on the family or they may log it and meet with the child’s parents. I think there would be very little point you phoning social services. This would not reach any sort of threshold!

I hope the situation gets resolved for your son.

TriciaH87 · 09/10/2019 22:20

You call the school who will contact social services. To me this screams the other child is being abused.

Huncamuncaa · 09/10/2019 22:23

It's likely that he's just trying to sound hard and repeating a phrase he's heard. Whatever it is it's not nice for your son and needs to be dealt with quickly.

If you feel school fobs you off put everything in writing. After the meeting with the head write an email which clarifies what was said at the meeting. Eg 'I'm emailing to thank you for meeting with me this morning regarding .... I understand that you are going to .....' Seems a bit pointless but starts an email trail so makes actions traceable.

Someone else on here pointed this out - dont expect to be kept completely informed of how the other party is dealt with. It will be a complex safeguarding issue and it would not be appropriate for you to find out if other agencies get involved with this boy etc. Or where he heard the phrase he used. He is after all a child. The school should tell you how they intend to keep your son safe though.