To be upset that DP hasn't come to visit me while I'm ill?
This is a long story, please bear with me. Also please be nice. I'll admit I'm an over emotional mess at the moment, in a lot of pain and not sleeping, not a good combination. Also worried that I'm being horrible and selfish.
DP and I live 2hrs apart but spend several days a week together and have been making plans to move in together. I spend weekends at his and he does 1/2 nights a week here as I'm a single mum with 2 kids. He's great with the kids and a very supportive partner. We've never had any issues, until now....
A few weeks ago we both ended up in different hospitals 2hrs apart with suspected meningitis which was incredibly frightening and stressful.
My hospital did a lumbar puncture and diagnosed me with viral meningitis but kept me in for a few days as I was so unwell, also had signs of a tiny bleed on my brain. They also have unfortunately hurt me during the LP and I've been left in quite a state and needing on/off hospital treatment since. I'm in agony and struggling but trying to take it in my stride.
DP's hospital messed up his lumbar puncture and didn't get any fluid and then refused to try again. They discharged him but insisted he went into hospital twice a day for 2 weeks for IV antibiotics just in case he'd had bacterial meningitis. He was beside himself with worry over me and just went along with it so he could get to me asap.
Literally the moment he was discharged he drove all the way to me in my hospital and they agreed to discharg me as my repeat CT and MRI were clear. Then we arranged to have his care switched there. My hospital booked him for a specialist lumbar puncture and successfully diagnosed him as not having bacterial meningitis so stopped his antibiotics.
In between all this DP developed C Diff and became very unwell and ended up back in hospital but only for a few hours. He was rather horrible and difficult to me and hospital staff but in fairness he was unwell and a bit shellshocked I think. I brushed his behaviour under the carpet but did have 24hrs of being shouted at and having to help him with toileting etc as he was so ill when I wasn't very well myself. I don't mind as I love him and that's what you do, I'm my opinion when someone is sick. He later apologised and I said it was all ok. He joked that he didn't want any hospital stories told on "our wedding day".
We'd arranged for my children to stay away for a while until we knew he was no longer contagious but had them home for a few days. The kids were a bit more unsettled than usual, understandably as I'd been in hospital. During this time I could see DP seemed to be struggling a bit but he said he was fine. The boys went back to their dads and DP's parents offered to pay for a hotel for us for a few nights so we could get away for a few days.
We had 2 lovely days in Snowdonia. The day after we came home DP seemed withdrawn but again said everything was ok.
The next day I started feeling extremely unwell and decided to go home and visit my local A&E. DP had a check up at his doctors the next day so we agreed I'd go home alone for now and he'd come later in the week. I ended up back in hospital vomiting blood due to a stomach ulcer caused by the antiinflammatories I'm on. They also said they think I might have nerve damage in my back.
DP meanwhile was given a clean bill of health by his doctor but the Dr extended his sick note by another week just to be safe.
I've since come home from the hospital and am really struggling with very little support and now have my 2 children at home. The stomach ulcer is making me very sick and my back is killing me. They've given me strong painkillers but I can't easily take them when the kids are awake because they make me very dopey. I'm not able to sleep and just want to cry all the time. I've been back to my GP today and he's given me some light sleeping tablets but again I'm a bit anxious about taking them when I have the kids. At the moment I can't even walk my children to school or take them to the park and I feel like a failure as a mother. I'm starting physical therapy next week which should help. I'm trying to be strong but I'm very scared that I might never get better and I feel very lonely. Most of my friends work etc.
I was very overemotional and had a small argument on Monday and DP where admitted he felt "overwhelmed" by the kids. I said I understood and gave him the opportunity to walk away from the relationship which and he was adamant that he doesn't want to break up. He said that he wants to be with me "more than anything" and that he wants to make it work. He "adores" the kids and "if I'm going to do this with any kids then it's going to be yours." He's just not used to having kids because he's always lived on his own and just needs time to learn to adapt and he was already very overwhelmed with everything else that had happened. Ok fair enough. I totally understand that. We made a plan of how we were going to move forward but he didn't mention when he'd next come to stay and I didn't want to push him. We texted back and forth yesterday and spoke on the phone. He seemed concerned about me but at no point mentioned coming to stay.
I'm starting to feel a bit hurt that he's having a whole week off work and hasn't made any effort to come and see me and that he hasn't even offered. I understand he's feeling overwhelmed by the kids but I don't think one day is a lot to ask when I've been in hospital and am now really unwell at home. But at the same time I can't work out if I'm being over emotional and unreasonable?
So today I texted him asking him if he's planning on staying here this week at all so I knew where I stood and he's replied saying this:
"Yeah possibly babe, I haven't thought about a possible day or anything yet though. How come? How are you feeling today? xx"
This really confused me because he is saying possibly but hasn't even thought about a day. It's already Wednesday so, unless he comes tomorrow, there is no point him coming as I always go to his on Friday. The fact he's admitting he hasn't thought about a possible day really hurts me too. I just think if he really cared he'd make the effort to be here at some point this week or that he'd have thought about it. I understand might need time to himself after everything but to not even visit for a day seems unreasonable to me.
I have absolutely no idea how to respond to him so I haven't replied for the time being as my head is a mess and I don't want to say something unreasonable. In fairness he's an amazing partner and this is the only time he's upset me, maybe I'm being too needy?
What do you think? Am I entitled to be a bit hurt or am I being horrible? How would you respond?