Christmas Day

[Blossie0]

DH parents have both split and have remarried. My parents are also divorced and I only have contact with my mum (also remarried).

This Christmas is extra special as we have bought our own house and have a baby so we are hosting. We are inviting my parents spent last year with his mother.

DH seems to think that the pattern should go: one year my parents, next year his mum, next year his dad for who we spend xmas day with.

I think that's unfair as that's two years spent with his family on the trot. I think it should go my family then his dad then my family then his mum (alternate family each year).

We can't host everyone as we don't have the space and his parents are civil but hate each other and wouldn't enjoy themselves. They are also heavy drinkers which conflicts with my family who like to play games and take it a bit more slowly. It's also not about popping in to see one in the morning and then another in the eve this is about spending the bulk of the day and xmas dinner with one set.

For context my parents live 5 hours away and both of his 5 mins away. Basically we see his family quite a lot whilst I desperately miss my mum and she misses out on seeing her grandchild as much. Also we really love Christmas whereas my DH family would be happy with a Chinese and all day drinking sesh.

Is it fairer to alternate the years : my family then his family or should it be seeing my family once every third year?

Who is being unreasonable me or DH?

Alternate years.
One year your family one year his (mum one year dad the next).

You’re right. He’s BU.

Are your husband’s parents actually bothered about spending Christmas with you?

Having divorced parents is really tricky for this sort of thing. I can totally understand why he wants a three year rotation.

Would it be possible to have your mum every year, and his parents alternate years (just for dinner), or would there really not be room? Are his parents equally boozy?

Are there any other siblings to take into account?

Depending on the style of booziness, neither of them might fit well with a baby/young children. Fine to be a bit merry, but not so it takes away from the fun for little kids.

I think it sounds like you don't like them very much.
I think one year your family, one year his mum and next time his Dad sounds fair.
You could always arrange a special day near Christmas and meet up with your mum?

I think its tricky, as I can see where you're coming from but that means for example he will only see his mum very 3rd year.
Surely there is an alternative compromise eg go out for brunch with his dad on xmas morning and see his mum in the evening. Or one xmas day and one boxing day. Or start your own tradition of celebrating on xmas eve with one set of parents and let the kids open presents from family, and then celebrate with another set of relatives on xmas day and they can open their presents from Santa? If his parents are not that bothered about xmas surely this would work?

I think he's BU, should be every second year with his family and then yours

I think you are right, not DH. assuming there are not huge distances between everyone, you could always see both his parents in one day - mum in the morning, dad in the afternoon. Or see one of them in boxing day.

I think your DH has the right idea to be honest. It's incredibly unfair on his parents to only see your DC every fourth Christmas because you want to see your DM every year.

Do yourself favour and avoid ANY rule or pattern, be that alternate years or 2 him 1 you.

You will rue this advice if not followed, trust me!

Yours one year his the next. As his parents are both local you could split the day and see one of them in the morning and the other in the afternoon.

Alternate his family/your family - but with his see one on Christmas Day, the other on Boxing Day as they're both local.

Every other year I should say

I think yabu.

I think your mum every year and see them either all together or see them on Xmas eve and on boxing day.

Actually I would just spend Christmas at my house with my immediate family, if I were you.
However, that could be because I really don't understand this going to relatives' houses or having them to stay at Christmas.

I think this would involve his Mum missing out. How bothered is his Dad about seeing the grandchildren? Can you make some arrangement where on the years your MIL doesn't get to enjoy Christmas with you, she can have a second Christmas on Boxing Day?

We have very similar with my in laws divorced and hate each other but live very near by and my family hours away. We decided once we had our first child that we would always have Christmas day at our own house. It tends to now be that we see my MIL on Christmas Eve, we have Christmas day just us as a family and friends or BIL may pop in in the afternoon, we see FIL boxing day and then we visit my parents or they visit us somewhere between the 27th and New Year.

I actually love it this way as it means Christmas Day is just special, chilled, focused on our children and exactly as we want it. Christmas is a season and seeing everybody in this way actually really stretches out the festivities. The children also love it as they get multiple days of present opening!

We have a similar dilemma but two sets of split up parents. Can you have your family every year then his parents alternate? It means having more than one at a time but you will have to compromise somewhere unfortunately.

@TeddyBeans

OP quite clearly said she wanted to alternate Christmas between her family and his family. The fact that her family are 5 hours away also mean there is no opportunity to pop in on or around Christmas Day to see them, so the suggestion that OP should only see her family every 3 years is just selfish and shit.

@Youseethethingis if you'll kindly see further down the thread that I corrected myself...

@Pepperwand is right. Christmas is a season. Boxing day can be included, and New year can also be included. So Christmas day once every 3 years and an alternative day the other 2.

I can see both sides to be honest as it is a little unfair that his parents get 1 year in three and your mum gets every other year.
Having said that, it’s not your mum’s fault that his parents don’t get on.

I think view it differently and say it’s one year his choice, the next year yours.
The outcome will be that you go with your solution but maybe he’s missing the point that if you do a three year cycle it means he gets to choose two thirds of the time compared to you only choosing one third of the time.

You say both his parents have remarried - surely they must have step families that they will want to spend time with at Xmas as well as seeing you?
Are you an only child? If not doesn't your mother want to spend some Xmas's with the other children

Maybe they are not as bothered about this as you think they maybe?

I would say this time should be your mum as it is the first with the baby and she lives further away and I assume see less of you but after that I would play it by ear to be honest. Unless you and your partner are both only children I doubt this will be an ongoing issue as other siblings will want them at theirs sometimes as well.

I’d do one of his parents and light meal on Xmas eve with a few gifts. I’d do your parents Xmas day/Boxing Day (assuming they sleep over). Then meet up with the remaining parent of his during Xmas week.

Alternatively have a different one of his parents Xmas day and your family to stay over Boxing Day and into Xmas week.