Christmas Day

[Blossie0]

DH parents have both split and have remarried. My parents are also divorced and I only have contact with my mum (also remarried).

This Christmas is extra special as we have bought our own house and have a baby so we are hosting. We are inviting my parents spent last year with his mother.

DH seems to think that the pattern should go: one year my parents, next year his mum, next year his dad for who we spend xmas day with.

I think that's unfair as that's two years spent with his family on the trot. I think it should go my family then his dad then my family then his mum (alternate family each year).

We can't host everyone as we don't have the space and his parents are civil but hate each other and wouldn't enjoy themselves. They are also heavy drinkers which conflicts with my family who like to play games and take it a bit more slowly. It's also not about popping in to see one in the morning and then another in the eve this is about spending the bulk of the day and xmas dinner with one set.

For context my parents live 5 hours away and both of his 5 mins away. Basically we see his family quite a lot whilst I desperately miss my mum and she misses out on seeing her grandchild as much. Also we really love Christmas whereas my DH family would be happy with a Chinese and all day drinking sesh.

Is it fairer to alternate the years : my family then his family or should it be seeing my family once every third year?

Who is being unreasonable me or DH?

Growing up we used to see my mums family in the evening on Xmas day and went to Dads parents Boxing Day for a big family get together on his side.

I agree with you, especially with the geography.

Why do you feel the need to host any of them?

Why not your parents every other year and the years you see his parents either split the day between them as they live so close or each year alternate either having own for xmas eve or Boxing Day and the other one for Xmas day.

So year 1: your parents
Year 2: his mum Xmas day and his dad.xmas eve or Boxing Day
Year 3: your parents
Year 4: his dad xmas day and his mum Xmas eve or Boxing Day

@TeddyBeans yes, apologies,that was a cross post as my MIL phoned when I was mid type. Would you believe she was actually phoning about Christmas arrangements this year?

Since his parents are just around the corner, I'd go with them alternate years on boxing day and your mum christmas day. Or, if he won't agree to that, your mum alternate years.

Several people have said it's unfair for him to only see his mum every 3 years. But his idea is for you to see your mum only every 3 years!

Or @mintypea5 suggestion is a good one

I think YANBU.

@Youseethethingis brilliant 😂 tis the time of year for it after all!

So year 1: your parents
Year 2: his mum Xmas day and his dad.xmas eve or Boxing Day
Year 3: your parents
Year 4: his dad xmas day and his mum Xmas eve or Boxing Day
This

But OP no-one knows what life will bring in the next few years, you may have another child or move, a parent may become unwell. So don't set anything in stone, life will continue to change as the years go on. What we did was to always go to my parents as we believed it was a happier, informal environment for the children. We would then travel to the inlaws the day after boxing day where it was lovely in its own way but very formal and who wouldnt have coped with the chaos of little children opening lots of presents and getting over excited.

He is BU.

I like the idea of having your parents every year and for his to take turns if you have space.

If you don't, that's tricky. I can see his point that under his system, his mum and dad would each only see their son and grandchildren for Xmas once every four years, which is a long time. So if it wasn't for the geography issue I think YABU. But maybe YANBU purely because of the distance thing.

He is BVU. As others have said it would be very easy to alternate seeing all of his family over the Christmas period one year and yours the next.

Maybe write it out for him a others have done, Show him how easy it should be to arrange things well for everyone!

I’d alternate years with sides and for his parents, alternate Christmas Eve and day.

Since both parents of his are close get them to come to you, one for xmas morning then the other for xmas dinner and alternate that with going to your parents.

Invite your mum to stay every year (she'll need to if she's five hours away).

Invite each of his parents every other year, for the day (do-able as they're close).

That way you both see parents for Christmas frequently, you're not overwhelmed with visitors (only one extra-your mum- compared to normal, surely that can be catered for), and his parents don't have to mix.

Ta-da!

Year 1 - your parents
Year 2 - his Mum xmas day/Dad boxing day
Year 3 - your parents
Year 4 - his Dad xmas day/Mum boxing day

Sorted.

I would really recommend avoiding strict alternating or any sort of rigid pattern. It's best to take each year as it comes, do what makes most sense and be open minded.

Tricky. His way each parent gets 1 in 3 years (his mum, his dad, your parents). However if you could do both his mum and dad 1 year as suggested above (alternate Christmas and boxing day each time) then your parents every other year it would work out Christmas every 2 years (all be it boxing day).

Well this is easy since his parents live within walking distance. Host your mum to sleepover because obviously she can't pop home. Then his parents can alternate morning or afternoon or boxing day etc.

I think you should see yours every other year and his in between. Since his are so close by you could even split the time between his parents each year you spend with "his" family, for example main dinner with his dad and dessert with his mom one year, your family the next, the main dinner with his mom and dessert with dad the next year. That way there's no multiple years between holiday visits. That's just an idea, but however you work the details, definitely fair to see yours every second year.

Every three years as follows
Year 1- your parents
Year 2- his parents in whichever order he sorts out himself
Year 3- nobody, just your little family doing exactly as you please.

I think you are definitely right, even assuming all parents are equally bothered about spending Christmas together. But if they're not and your husbands family aren't even that bothered then I would DEFINITELY think it was ridiculous to expect you to go three years between seeing your family on Christmas, if the holiday is more important to them. We basically see my family every Christmas Day since his family aren't really bothered about Christmas, and see them Boxing Day.

But his idea is for you to see your mum only every 3 years!
His idea means each set of parents have one year in every 3

HE is BU! If he feels this way he should have christmas day with his mum and boxing day with his dad one year and the next year with your family, can he not figure that out like an adult 😬